Hello Poetry
Submit your work and get some sparkles! Create free account
Tags
#ineversaywhatineedto
I’m worried for you. I’m worried about what I’ve done with you. I’ve buried you in the sand, grazed your skin with fingernail cuts; half moons pattern your arms and back like wallpaper. I shouldn’t succumb to this. I’ve dragged you into a pit and stored you in a hollow. I shouldn’t need to pick a random lover, I shouldn’t need them now, urgently. I shouldn’t crave the physical I know you yearn from me behind the silence that snakes around the room. Behind the intensity and firmness of your face. I wish I didn’t see it all so keenly, a sensory power I dredge up from secluded stores and hidden vaults. I shouldn’t have fallen into my own snare every single time you pull closer, warm breath and lips and teeth, and I push your chest away. I don’t understand why I have to do this. Puppet pulled on strings to do strange and filthy acts; gaining strength and poise not necessary but pleasurable, lying with you knowing I’m with company but feeling so alone, so cold and dusty and ***** on the inside. I lose myself in a moment, spending all the time thinking in the moment. I’m so wrapped up, I don’t hear you mutter to relax. I will not do this with you, because it means ultimately hurting one another, in particular you. I will not try to encourage you, because me lying next to you knowing you will hand yourself over, is like slipping on ice. I taste blood in my mouth. I think it’s yours. I bled out years ago, over the bedroom and into the bathroom; showering off filth and wetness and ****** handprints. That lingering, thick smell of sweat and fluid and nothing. I’m so sorry I can’t be strong enough to resist my shadows, my faded lights and creeping tongues; I’m so sorry I set them on you, like vultures given the scent of already culled meat. I am your predator, hunting amongst the heaving animals, long into the stillness of the empty dawn. I’m so sorry, sweet, that I will reach around and take something from you. I’m so sorry I tried to protect you and betrayed myself. I wanted to embrace you and welcome how you felt in my arms, I’m sorry I just couldn’t express it. I wanted to make sure to uncomplicate us; secure that safety you felt with me guiding you too all those vulnerable places to touch together, I’m sorry I just couldn’t express it. I still long to try again. Will you let me try again?
0
Aug 6, 2016
Aug 6, 2016 at 9:27 AM UTC
tamara-fraser
The Physical Loneliness
I’m worried for you. I’m worried about what I’ve done with you. I’ve buried you in the sand, grazed your skin with fingernail cuts; half moons pattern your arms and back like wallpaper. I shouldn’t succumb to this. I’ve dragged you into a pit and stored you in a hollow. I shouldn’t need to pick a random lover, I shouldn’t need them now, urgently. I shouldn’t crave the physical I know you yearn from me behind the silence that snakes around the room. Behind the intensity and firmness of your face. I wish I didn’t see it all so keenly, a sensory power I dredge up from secluded stores and hidden vaults. I shouldn’t have fallen into my own snare every single time you pull closer, warm breath and lips and teeth, and I push your chest away. I don’t understand why I have to do this. Puppet pulled on strings to do strange and filthy acts; gaining strength and poise not necessary but pleasurable, lying with you knowing I’m with company but feeling so alone, so cold and dusty and ***** on the inside. I lose myself in a moment, spending all the time thinking in the moment. I’m so wrapped up, I don’t hear you mutter to relax. I will not do this with you, because it means ultimately hurting one another, in particular you. I will not try to encourage you, because me lying next to you knowing you will hand yourself over, is like slipping on ice. I taste blood in my mouth. I think it’s yours. I bled out years ago, over the bedroom and into the bathroom; showering off filth and wetness and ****** handprints. That lingering, thick smell of sweat and fluid and nothing. I’m so sorry I can’t be strong enough to resist my shadows, my faded lights and creeping tongues; I’m so sorry I set them on you, like vultures given the scent of already culled meat. I am your predator, hunting amongst the heaving animals, long into the stillness of the empty dawn. I’m so sorry, sweet, that I will reach around and take something from you. I’m so sorry I tried to protect you and betrayed myself. I wanted to embrace you and welcome how you felt in my arms, I’m sorry I just couldn’t express it. I wanted to make sure to uncomplicate us; secure that safety you felt with me guiding you too all those vulnerable places to touch together, I’m sorry I just couldn’t express it. I still long to try again. Will you let me try again?
Continue reading...
49