#inever
I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you
I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to
You see, I was always afraid
You were touching a part of me that I never thought anyone could
It felt so strange but it felt so right
And I hope you understand that it was too much for me at time
So I simply took a break
Running as fast as I could to the other side of the world
But when I finally arrived I realized I had made a great mistake
But I convinced myself that it was already too late
I never muscled up the courage to return home to you
I thought maybe you'd be upset with me
That you would never forgive me
Just causing me to really die inside
But I started to think that maybe I deserve to
Just thinking about how I must've made you feel
I began to cry every night starring at an old picture of you
Then I made up my mind that I was coming back home to you
But when I finally arrived I realized I had made another mistake
Because all I saw was you smiling away
I don't know what I really expected
I mean you were always too beautiful to be single forever
I see you got the two kids you always wanted
A boy and a girl named them Linus and Aries
I'm so happy for you
You fulfilled your dream
Then to make it even better you forgave me
I should be so elated, jumping in so much joy
But for the life of me I can't even put on a fake smile
So I walked away again
This time I went to the lake by the old house we bought together
Then I pulled out the gun you brought me for my birthday
Finally I closed my eyes and began to pray
Next thing I know I was dead
I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you
I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 2:12 PM UTC
What is wrong with me
My mind thinks one thing and my body does another
I feel so broken and confuse
Why won't nothing ever go the way I want it to
I have so many great ideas for the future
I wanted to bring to the light parts of the sea that no other human has ever seen
But now as I look at myself in the mirror I second guess everything I do
Am I destined failure?
I know that I'm smart but for the life I can't show the rest of the world
I feel trapped and claustrophobic in my own mind
Bringing my worst nightmares to reality
I failed my own mother!
All I ever wanted to do was make her proud of me
And I promised I would as we faced all life's struggles together
But...
I can't but to think I can't do it
That my true future is life on the street begging for loose change
What if that really is my future
What if I really am a destined failure
I'm sorry...mother
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 1:20 PM UTC
Every time I close and open my eyes
I want to believe that this entire situation I'm in is just bad dream
But no matter how many times I repeat this little ritual of mine
Each time seems more realistic then the last
But still I just cannot believe
I never thought she'd actually leave me
Considering how long we have been friends
Possibly more than we even believed
Then this man who is no one wants to step in and force us to say our goodbyes
Saying he doesn't like it when we talk
And by that he means how I make her laugh and forget what it means to be sad
He views me as a threat
Keep in mind I'm only 17 and he is 23
How is that I'm a threat to a man who is 23 to get girl who is 19
The dots just don't seem connect
I would just say goodbye to just get him off my nuts
But...
But I just can't
I just can't say goodbye to her of all people
I never really thought I stood a chance to get the girl
But considering how this man willing to stoop down so low to get me out the picture
Maybe just maybe I do
I never really said it to her face...
I never actually thought I'd fall in love with her
But judging by emotions I feel when threatened with the possibility of losing her...
I think I actually love her
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 7:21 AM UTC