#impactonspouse
What is this stress
making my belly churn
my skin’s itchiness,
my pulse race?
Could it be from
the financial separation,
kids, career,
general obligation?
New starter to train,
bookweek costume,
book balancing,
bithday cake?
Oh wait, I see—
I can do these things,
all of these things,
with a smile and a grin.
It’s you, ex man (child) of mine
looking lost
that unravels me
too easily.
Aug 23, 2021
Aug 23, 2021 at 9:13 AM UTC
My (ex) mother in law says
She loves me,
she won’t say any more but
worries I’ll miss her boy
one day in the future.
I was his pride and joy.
My mother says
maybe the women of the past
tried harder.
Is there anything to rescue,
women must try harder than men.
I haven’t worried about missing him;
until now.
The relief has felt so liberating.
Relief from that pressure
to carry it all, do it all,
with a smile, without love.
A smile, a gesture, care my way
would have been fuel for a year,
but the silence felt suffocating.
I’d rather love myself
than smile and pretend that I’m loved
by the husband in my bed.
For our kids, for me, I’m better alone.
Now, though,
that worm in my ear.
Will I regret this more next year?
More than the grief of this family broken?
I cannot see that I will.
Joy is breaking through;
but —
What do I do with this worm?
Jan 27, 2021
Jan 27, 2021 at 5:43 AM UTC
You’re holding me ransom
From within your own cell
Holding my life ransom
because you’re not able.
Please please please
give me something to work on.
Are you out or are you in.
Still trapped by this instability,
even when I’m away from you.
Do I plan without, around you
Or
Do I plan for you to be within
The fabric of this new world.
Dec 27, 2020
Dec 27, 2020 at 5:01 AM UTC
You throw blame
casually, consistently,
targeting me.
Small bullets
constantly peppering
under a guise of civility.
Pressure builds
small barbs hit flesh
am I blameworthy?
But wait—let me stop and see
your narcissism truthfully.
Stand on your feet,
find inner peace,
not blaming and self-pity.
Recognise my battle lost;
take your responsibility.
Find your equanimity —
and
liberate me.
.
Dec 16, 2020
Dec 16, 2020 at 5:41 AM UTC
Husband going back
To hospital
Suicidal
Mental health
Oh my god
Not again
Panicking
I broke free
But feel so guilty
Is it my fault?
They say not.
Couldn’t survive with him
Can he survive without me.
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 8:56 PM UTC