#icantstop
I can’t stop
Another day I starve myself
I can’t stop
Another day I abuse my body
I can’t stop
Another day I tear pieces of my flesh away with nails and teeth
I can’t stop
Another day I lose myself to my voices
I can’t stop
Another day I won’t let myself rest
I can’t stop
Another day I inhale toxic gases
I can’t stop
Another day I write a poem because no one would listen
I can’t stop
Another day I cry and break down, all alone
I can’t stop
Another day I can’t bear my own reflection
I can’t stop
Another day I realise that I’m all Daddy has
I can’t stop
Another day I think about his death
I can’t stop
Another day I claim to be fine
I can’t stop
Another day I sacrifice my being for someone who’s not me
I can’t stop
Another day I scold me for my imperfections
I can’t stop
Another day I give myself the things I deserve
I can’t stop
Another day I feel drawn to a knife’s sharp edge
I can’t stop
Another day I think of falling off a cliff
I can’t stop
Another day I think of the inevitable
I can’t stop
Another day I collapse due to physical and mental exhaustion
I can’t stop
Another day I overwork myself because of expectations
I can’t stop
Another day I wake up to find I’m still alive
I can’t stop
Another day I believe my delusions
I can’t stop
Another day my train of taught halts
I can’t stop
Another day I think of how disappointing I am
I can’t stop
Another day I feel out-of-place
I can’t stop
Another day I wish I wasn’t born
I can’t stop
Another day I try to put you out your misery
I can’t stop
Another day I scare myself
I can’t stop
Another day I use my fists and a wall to inflict damage to my skull
I can’t stop
Another day I enjoy peace in my concussion
I can’t stop
Another day I have an existential crisis
I can’t stop
Another day I wait for my healing
I can’t stop
Another day I wish my heart wasn’t beating
I can’t stop
Because it never stops
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 6:31 PM UTC
I'm not very smart
This is of myself
I gave you my heart
And hope that you help
To...
Keep me together
Keep me from falling apart
But I shouldn't have done that
After I gave you my heart
The pounding sound of heartbeats drown me in their noise
My eardrums on the verge of bursting, but I have no choice
Taken over by the soundwaves, lost in a cloud of rot
My ears are bleeding, because of your voices, I can't stop.
Mar 16, 2019
Mar 16, 2019 at 1:04 PM UTC
You tell me I am wrong to think the way I do.
God, I wish I could just stop thinking the way I do.
But I can't.
These things are engrained.
The collarbones,
The ribs,
The hipbones.
The things I crave.
All I can think is
"Thin".
All I can tell myself is
"Thin".
But I am not thin.
When I look in the mirror,
I am disgusted.
I pinch at my skin,
And I beat it as punishment,
For being
Imperfect.
And I know that
Flaws are natural,
And nothing about this
Disorder
Is natural.
But that stopped making a difference
A long,
Long,
Time ago.
Natural,
Healthy,
Okay,
Normal,
Average,
Not dying.
None of that matters.
Skinny stopped being
Enough.
Being bones
Is all I ache for.
And I am nowhere near
Bones.
I am nowhere near
Skinny.
I am nowhere near
Thin.
But it's all I want.
And it's what I
Destroy
My body for.
I'm broken,
And nobody can fix me.
I have been like this for years.
God, I wish I didn't have to be
Fat.
If I weren't
Fat,
I wouldn't let my body ache,
And Decay
For my version of
"Perfection."
If I weren't
Fat,
I wouldn't **** myself
Every day.
Jul 27, 2017
Jul 27, 2017 at 4:13 AM UTC
You breathe me
And I love you
You touch my skin
It prickles
Electricity
Lightening in my veins
Warmth
Heart like a bass drum
Ears ringing
With the sound of your love
The sound of your touch
Lips
Like petals
My neck smells like flowers from your kiss
My hair curls around your fingers
I can only imagine you
I feel you in my mind
My chest
But I can't imagine you're real
Are you real?
Will we ever find each other?
Will you ever breathe me?
And will I breathe you?
Will I hear your love sound
Feel your petal lips
Will I love you?
Are you real?
Nov 26, 2015
Nov 26, 2015 at 3:34 AM UTC