#httpshellopoetrycompoems4746222alamko111121
I know it is not my name
That you will call first,
That you will utter first,
That you will remember.
I know it is not my name
That will pop into your head first,
The first thing you’ll think of
Whenever you hear it.
I know my name is not what
Is always on your lips when you’re with your friends,
Nor am I the subject of your stories,
Or the first one you run to whenever you have a problem.
Even less so am I the one your eyes look for,
The one you are crazy about,
The one who will be your other half when the right time comes.
I just didn’t have the courage to tell you back then.
That I like you.
I didn't mean to fall for someone like you,
I didn't force it, nor did I just let myself be careless,
But I know, that it will never be me.
The first one you call whenever you are alone,
I know my text or call isn't the first one you'll answer.
Nor is it the one you are constantly waiting for,
I know that the way you look at me is different.
Different from how you look at her,
Different from how you love her,
From how you take care of her,
I know I am not your world.
But don't you dare wish anymore
That she would love you back,
Only to find out she doesn't.
Yet, I know it is no longer me.
The first thing that revolves and runs through your mind every day,
I know I am not the one you think of every single day.
I know you only see me as a friend,
I know you treat me just like a sibling.
I know it is not my hand you will hold first,
I know I am not the first one you will approach
And the first one you will look for the moment you open your eyes.
I know I am not the first one you will embrace.
I know I am not the first or the last one you will court.
I know I am not—yes,
From the very beginning, I already knew,
That I am not the one your heart beats for.
Your first beloved,
I knew from the very start,
I stamped it into my mind
That I have no place, not even once, there in your heart.
I know that every look you give me
Is different from how you look at her.
Perhaps, you’ve also thought that while looking at me,
It is her you are thinking of.
How you talk to her,
How you care for her,
How you treat her—
Is different from everyone else, truly exceptional compared to others.
Not once did I think or wish
That you would return the love I made you feel.
Not once did I hesitate to knock on your heart.
Just in case you might accept and love me too.
Just in case you might think of giving me a chance.
Not once did I ask for anything in return.
Not once did I think of chasing you.
To kneel before you and beg,
Prayer was my only ally.
Hoping you wouldn't love someone else,
Hoping no one else was waiting for you.
Hoping that I would be the only one you'd love,
Hoping the Lord would finally grant my wish.
I know that I am not the one you want.
From the very beginning, I already knew.
Even if you don't say it,
I can feel it—
The cold way you treat me,
The way you disregard me.
I know that I stand no chance against her,
I could never bring myself to force you.
I don't want to force you to choose me
Because I know she is the one you want.
I know your smiles are not meant for me,
I know I am not the one you want to talk to,
I know I am not the one you want to be with,
The one you want to see laughing.
I will never be her,
I can never replace her
There in your heart.
I can never teach your heart
To love me,
To choose me.
I am never the one you see
Whenever we are together.
You wished that she was the one with you instead,
That she was the one you were talking to,
The one understanding and listening to you.
We will always be different.
And even if we turn the world upside down,
Even if you compare me to her,
She will never be me,
And I will never be her.
May 25
May 25, 2026 at 8:45 AM UTC