#howami
I’m still alive,
and some days that truth
hits like a bruise, I keep pressing
just to prove it’s real.
I wanted to die—
not because I hated living,
but because everything hurt
and I couldn’t find the edge of it.
Because staying felt like drowning
slowly, politely,
while everyone else called it breathing.
That wanting is gone now.
It slipped out quietly,
like it was never the point at all.
And I’m left holding this body,
this pulse,
this unfinished sentence
that refuses to end.
I don’t know how to live.
No one taught me what comes after survival.
They just clap when you don’t disappear,
as if that’s the same thing as being okay.
Some mornings I wake up
and feel grief
for the person I was supposed to become
if I hadn’t been so busy
trying not to die.
I walk around carrying a life
that doesn’t feel like mine yet.
Like I broke into someone else’s house
and now I’m afraid to touch anything.
I’m tired of being strong.
Tired of being a success story
that still cries in the bathroom
over nothing and everything.
But I’m here.
God, I’m here.
With my hands shaking,
with my chest still aching,
with a future that feels too big
and a past that won’t stop bleeding.
If living is a skill,
I’m a beginner
with scraped knees and no map,
learning the hard way
that staying hurts too—
just differently.
So if all I can do today
is stay,
is breathe through the confusion,
is admit I don’t know who I am yet—
then let that count.
Let that be enough.
I didn’t die.
I survived.
Now I’m standing in the aftermath,
trying to figure out
how to turn this beating heart
into a life.
And I don’t know how—
but I’m still here,
and maybe that means
I haven’t failed yet.
Jan 30
Jan 30, 2026 at 10:05 PM UTC
If you ask how I'm feeling
Prepare for a long talk
But if you want the short version
Then I'll try to sum it up
How do I feel?
I feel like
I'm fighting a battle
With a billion moquitoes
One bite isn't a big deal
Neither is two
But I'm getting bombarded
Bite after
Bite after
Bite
I am surrounded by the enemy
And no matter how many I ****
There's another to take it's place
I can't escape
They're ******* the life out of me
Even if they don't **** me
They hurt
Like you wouldn't believe
So how do I feel?
Like I'm being attacked
By a billion mosquitoes
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC