#heaviness
exhaling longer than i should
to purge the weight holding my air hostage
within the confines of my lungs—
a breath i want nothing to do with.
the same breath i despise so deeply
covered me in layers of comfort
the soul at ease, the mind relishing in the space
between having and losing
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 2:07 PM UTC
In reverse of the waddle wheel
the landscape runs back in blow
of winds that take a hair threadlike’s hand
to dance a trickle of pathos
when I swallow.
Not thoughts of of prattle, but roars within struggle
as if time concreted through spaces, still,
to contingency thee confide.
What a subtle heaviness to stand where I shall revel
What a terrible freedom to know what I cannot sail
It’s gonna end.
But until now I can’t even tell
what I am missing,
for what, and by whom?
Sep 27, 2025
Sep 27, 2025 at 10:09 AM UTC
The wind blows.
Tracking, violating, a little train on its way
to the E island for the ninety-fourth time this day
in this infinitesimal airport, this enormous node
converged of weaves of space,
meaning collided.
A young woman gazing somewhere not special,
until my sight aligned with hers: rail unravels
its skeleton as the train forwards
only as bitten by the steal heaviness, that
guises dumb voyagers, a heavy lightness
inside.
Tapped by sound, a haphazard feeling of mind, I
percept couples prattling in native English
from scattering finches called home
Drifting away or reflowing towards,
adjacency suspends in lenses of all.
Afraid
to envision the scent of seeds unplanted,
to dwell on questions without an answer,
to defy gravity,
I know you are too.
The wind blows.
Departing with my hue of strength found in all that I lacked,
a sprawl of bouncing breeze leaves my tune beneath the rail.
Sep 25, 2025
Sep 25, 2025 at 1:51 PM UTC
unpaved roads
where will we go
tumbling between brick and brick
latching on to a shoulder sack
filled to the brim with burden
in it we found places for memory
places for love and hope
places for fear and pain
and a big gaping hole
for the ever growing grief
that never seems to fall out
so we head to the lake
and to the sea
because the rocks we hold
are too big to try skipping
across puddles
May 27, 2025
May 27, 2025 at 1:51 AM UTC
Calmness,
felt heavier
than it had ever been.
I sense the future,
but lack the courage
to reveal.
A perfect moment,
to step,
into the storm.
Jan 23, 2025
Jan 23, 2025 at 12:48 AM UTC
Ghosting
Ghosting
I am ghosting myself
Wasting
Wasting
I am wasting my life
Shadows
Shadows
Shadows all around me
Sadness
Sadness
Sadness is the last thing
That makes me happy y y
Sep 8, 2024
Sep 8, 2024 at 10:09 AM UTC
Sometimes, it feels as if my arms
are reaching out to the sky
as gravity pulls everything I am
all the way down, beyond the ground
into those little spaces
inside my head
where I scold myself
and say everything is dead
where I run my hands
against jagged edges
looking for reasons to bleed
but even then, like two ropes
tight around my wrists
or better yet, two hands
with an endless grip
hope, or the glass dish on the top shelf
whatever it is, it pulls and pulls
till I flood, and those little spaces
vanish, momentarily
Aug 1, 2024
Aug 1, 2024 at 10:37 PM UTC
it is tiring
always carrying
the world on your shoulders
tell me
honestly
how can you breathe
drowning in your sea of sadness
how long will it take
for you to see
the sun never rises
because you stay in your darkness
because you've only discovered
it is easier to be angry
than it is to be hurt
how does it feel now
realizing the heaviness in you
is what's weighing you down
because it is tiring
always carrying
what you think is the world on your shoulders
lay it all down
let it all go
Dec 2, 2023
Dec 2, 2023 at 3:14 PM UTC
I don’t think I could tell you of ease
But I see you across from this sea in between
Shifting in your seat, nursing a dull ache
I know that feeling all too well
But I don’t want to tell you about it
In case I may come across insensitive
Because I’m trying not to shift this center of gravity
We both share in desperation
And tip us over the edge
We didn’t dare to wonder about
But I never learned to swim
And this sea in between
is filling up my lungs
When did it get so hard to breathe?
I call after you, under my shallow breath
I see you for everything
Hoping you see me too
But this heavy air we drink
Settles in your shadow and mine
It spells out gracefully
That the spaces between us
Are built out of love
And so, we go on
Paving distances
For these descending clouds
Nov 13, 2023
Nov 13, 2023 at 1:55 AM UTC
Why can't I express myself into words?
This heaviness, stuck to my arms and mouth,
It makes feel like a butterfly stuck in a web.
I want to talk and write more and more,
My word is getting duller and duller
I want to confess to you
I want to speak to my friends
I want to be happy.
Apr 3, 2021
Apr 3, 2021 at 4:57 AM UTC
I need to meditate
I need my space
I need some time to relieve my heart from all its heaviness.
As soon as I meditate
As soon as I get my space,
As soon as I get relieved from all the heavy burdens that strain my heart
The better
I will settle, when I've found a solution,
I will settle, when I've gotten my relief,
I will settle when my heart has found peace,
It has taken so much
And now is about to burst from all the heaviness,
My heart cannot talk,
My heart cannot scream,
And my heart cannot shout,
I will find a way to get my heart to rest.
It's never too late to relief my heart from all the heaviness,
I have a strong heart, a patient heart,
A passionate heart and a loving heart,
And the sooner the better to find me
And gain the confidence to free my heart.
Oct 14, 2020
Oct 14, 2020 at 5:59 PM UTC
the more knowledge we impart to ourselves,
the greater the sorrow,
ignorance is bliss but not for tomorrow,
chaos and riots arise holding weapons' helves
the deeper the wisdom, so does the grief,
all these violence and injustice causes disbelief,
has all the humanity dissolved in a hierarchy of power,
in this time of wide awakening, do the just collapse or take over?
IA
May 31, 2020
May 31, 2020 at 8:36 AM UTC
As soon as I learned
I don’t need to hold anyone's hand
while I’m crossing the road anymore,
The heaviness
of the risks I never knew
not to take
conversed with me after dark,
they reside.
May 21, 2020
May 21, 2020 at 12:03 AM UTC
my grief, a calm sea
with me who's underwater
with no air, no life
hands facing the sun
slowly reaching for my ship
hoping i will float—
heavy is my loss
far from reach, ship is sinking
a retribution
my ship as my foe
and her fall is my drowning
untimely future
and time stood still for—
my ship, a broken wreckage
leaving me wading
salvation in death
i swam for survival and
no ship for rescue
people did find me
lonely hero with nothing
but my sun-dried tears
captain with no ship
grief heavy like dead body
rolling off the plank
my ship, a ghostship
where i am the only ghost
and my ship's at peace
"sorry for your loss"
how much does condolence weigh
to you—a stranger
Feb 28, 2020
Feb 28, 2020 at 11:25 AM UTC
I feel defeated by this world I know
so little about
I’m truly a speck
Nothing
Insignificant, truly
There’s peace in knowing that
There’s sorrow in knowing that
I don’t want to be dreaming anymore
Jan 16, 2020
Jan 16, 2020 at 11:11 PM UTC
I remember that heaviness
Laying on my mothers bathroom floor
Spiralling
Hitting no end
I was laying there for hours..
Staring at the ceiling being engulfed in emotion
I have a love/hate for that moment in time
I felt so much of one emotion it was like a drug
Jan 16, 2020
Jan 16, 2020 at 11:09 PM UTC
What is this heaviness that lingers
in my bones
take it away, God,
if you're even there
grant me reprieve
or at least
a chance to breathe again
I called out to you
in the depths of my despair
but was sequestered
in the blues and grays
For just as the trees respond
to an exhale of wind
I expected a answer
from you
forgetting for an instant
to don my leather regalia
and so I payed
the price in full.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 10:48 AM UTC
Good Morning
I wish
Everyday
To the one
I feel
State of peace
Once in the blue moon
My greet is addressed
He said
Yes just
Once in the blue moon
And that day
I really get confused
**** !!
Is everything all right?
He said
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 10:31 PM UTC
blue lilies
now;wilted and zapped
petals of hibiscuses;
frosting and drooping
pressed between our pages
stenching and staining
them edges
bleeding
the flesh stenches
the putrid blooms
carve squealing wounds
the blood engulfs the heart
that deliquesces
the crevices are graved
then the heart deliquesces
and falls into two
down/a rotting corpse
it oozes into
the disgust of existence
creeping through shredded layers
of shroud
covering the withering bones,
mass
and
emotions
searing
it melts eventually-the shroud
until it reaches the bones
crashes them there
spilling the liquids/
all that is left bare
is already atrophying
and i guess that's the difference between dying and rotting
dying at least leaves you
the voids to hold onto
to be nostalgic for what was held
dying-paints,hues from the ashes that blew
but rotting
eats away all that existed
and snaps leaving
detritus,stinking
odor that i need
the craft of us
all worn out
the fragments dis plumed through holocausts
the rebellion in ruination
and the twitched cold feet
each breath i've took,now smothering
you,me,and everything
the reflections,contradictions
intoxicating,caging charcoal abstracts
punctured and ruptured
all constituents consuming and decaying now
every treble
so heavy
freezing not frozen
perishing not lighter
maybe these moments
-they never stop
cause right there in the midst
everything rots.
-/and we let it
~d
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 10:52 PM UTC
I don't understand
why are we concealing our heaviness
our heartaches
our blues
behind laughter.
Packaging them as humor
and art with a ribbon on top
when it's dark raw and pain
I don't understand
why we aren't talking about it.
Because it is just becoming worse
for you, I everyone.
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 7:54 AM UTC
I am surrounded by light but all i can feel is the darkness creeping into my soul. burrowing, making its home in me. I am surrounded by laughter but all i can focus on is the heaviness of my heart. I wish I could just stick my hand into my chest and pull out the melancholy. I wish I could reason with it. “You have no home here!” I’d cry. Throwing it into the sea. It would sink to the bottom and consume me no more.
Jun 22, 2018
Jun 22, 2018 at 8:46 PM UTC
tears spill out
from weary eyes
all color drained
no sparkle there
no life
my soul won't hold
the pain today
spirit split
and torn
my mind's sadness
makes my body ache
with leaden feet
weighted heart
when filled with all
this gravity
how can there be
such emptiness inside
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 10:20 AM UTC
If I had last words they would be…
Well… I mean… I see in those streams of invectives
I see especially people who drink, eat, sleep,
who make all human functions
Which are quite rather ******
And I shall say that they’re heavy
It never stopped being heavy
I noticed
I’ve read so many verses and particularly
verses from the 17th century
Verses, so-called courteous verses
I found 3 or 4 good ones in thousands of them
There’s little lightness in man
He’s heavy... isn’t he
And nowadays he’s extraordinary in heaviness
Since automobiles, alcohol, ambition, politics make him heavy
Even heavier
It’s mostly like that, he’s extremely heavy
Maybe one day shall we see a mind rebellion against the weight
But it isn’t for tomorrow
For now... we’re heavy
So I’d say indeed
If I had to die
I’d say
Man is heavy
That’s all
Oh! They were mean but...
Because they were heavy
They were heavy
They were heavy… jealous of a certain lightness
Jealous... jealous like a woman who wears a clothing burlap
instead of another who wears lace
Like someone who owns a workhorse
instead of a thoroughbred
Jealous...
Jealous of being heavy... that’s all
Crippled...
They weigh... they're crippled
Heaviness makes them *******
Therefore we can beware of them
They’re ready to do anything
Oh sure
They’re ready to do anything
And to activate heaviness
They drink, aren’t they
So when they drink, they turn into sledgehammers
It’s frightening, isn’t it
Sledgehammers without control
Yes, they’re especially like this
They activate... increase their weight
Instead of making themselves lighter
Oh! They’re not in Ariel’s side
They’re more like Caliban
More and more
Apr 18, 2018
Apr 18, 2018 at 1:49 AM UTC