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#heartsickness
By : Nabs At dusk, I woke up to find that my whole body alight with pain From the very tip of my hair To the very tip of my toe A pain that struck me deep as it is rooted in me My head feels like it is not my own Where my thought are filled with images Where they took every single memories Just to replay it over and over again Although it is some specific memories that they play ( I should have known it was you) They are images of you Either the way your eyes disperse the light Glinting with rainbows as you laugh Or the tingling of your voice when you speak Or the little quirks that you have How you scratch your head when you're confused Or how you tighten your fist and hold it close to you when you are in anger Or how you look pained every time someone mention your father Even my subconsciousness was not safe from you How in the nights you seep into my dream And how my mind seem to speak your name with reverence As if you are a saint and i am a sinner begging for forgiveness Not to mention My head feels like it know you more that I know my self How my consciousness remember every single way your body move How you react How you never seem to notice how breath taking you are You do take my breath away, you know You make lungs constrict My throat sore and my windpipes clogs My chest ache Just from seeing you brush a stray strand out of your face ( No wonder I always choke) I know now that you are poisonous Because often you made my mind sluggish How you made my tongue numb Struggling to just say something I feel like I could die from just being in your presence Some how, I wouldn't mind that You seem to have taken over the control Of the beating of my heart It is not mine anymore You took it from me And i'll let you do it any day How do I not realize that you poison me? That you attacked me No I couldn't say attack when I, my self are a part of perpetrating the crime I let you poison me with your kindness And I succumb to it Kindness is very lethal I find Very potent You are causing an infection Spreading across my heart Making it rot The stench is cloyingly sweet with a hint of pain I think I know what poisoned me You make my heart a bruised little thing Banging across my rib cage Sometimes I can feel it to thump so hard I wonder if there are fractures littering my ribs It is a miracle I do not get a stroke With the way my hearth clenches Every so often just by a single word you said No matter how un important it is There is something growing inside my body and I know I am diseased I'm going to be erratic soon, at the rate this is spreading The rate this is spreading Why I know you planted some seeds inside of me And how it is growing in my body The pain is caused by them How it is thriving alive, and ******* me dry ******* life out of my marrows Making me prone to bend and break To bend and beg For you, I would do it in a heart beat Why do you do this to me? You do not intend this for me As I do not intend to succumb in the first place But intentions will always be intentions If we do not manage to realize it One of my symptoms is butterflies in my stomach How did the caterpillars get in there? How did my stomach turned into their cocoon? It does not feel beautiful, the butterflies in the making They feel like acid and agitation Now I am trembling You make my whole body quake My bone to ache and shake It is as if you made them corrode, Maybe that's why my knees shake just because of you How it will always tremble How you make my hands tremors How psychosomatic it is And I seemed to caught this sickness right to the bone Maybe I tremble because you are more than I can handle You with your kindness Your attempt to become normal Your fear of closed space And how you would unconsciously scratch the silvering wound across your heart Maybe because yours do not rot, you infected me and rotted mine instead ( There is something wrong with my eyes) As i said, not only that you have took over my heart you also took over my mind I seemed to still do not mind My whole body is trembling My lips quivering I feel my eyes are watering I feel my temperature rising I feel horrible and yet I do not mind this pain This high fever I am in Comfort me some how, even if i know that if I do not get well soon this might **** me If I do not get it treated, it will **** me But I am still hesitant to cure it I do not want to be diagnosed I do not want to I do not want to I am infected (There's something trying to get out of my stomach) I am trembling again And you saw me trembling You saw me You smiled, and a snip could be heard There are a string broken and it might me my sanity Why do you deny that there was an earthquake Why do you always deny that Why Why Why do i still got close to you despite knowing That the episentrum was you You are a natural disaster An epidemic Spreading disease in your wake You couldnt help it No one could help being them self You know I feel pain all over my body But sometimes the pain felt so intense That it renders me numb How do I still exist in this paradoxes of mine ( I fear my liver have stop trying to purge this toxic away) You make all my nerve go alight I feel like i am burning Ashes, ashes is what left of me I have nothing left of me You burned me down But why do i feel so cold? Yet, I do not mind Because even as my heart is aching and in pain Even if my whole body is black and blue My body is not mine anymore That was your betrayal, wasnt it? (At least i still could bask in your presence) You made me betray my self (Such exquisite pain you cause me, i want more) Why do you keep smiling as if you know nothing? Maybe you do not know anything (My legs just gave out and I am on my knees) The poison is muddling my mind I am poisoned I already said that I am trembling again The butterflies got out of their cocoon today. They were beautiful, and red with my blood I still do not mind You betray me You causes pain to me You poisoned me I still do not mind You smiled again today It was like my medicine I feel like i am addicted You smile like you were happy with the way i am I fumble with words now There is something wrong with my eye I cannot see clearly Everything is blurry and tinted (You said my eyes were beautiful) I was happy but now I am sick Why My legs and hand do not properly work anymore I feel like someone just pierce giant big hooks in them Because i keep being pulled I keep going back to you My body is not my own, it is infected You poison me and then you put parasites didn't you? I was fine Did you think your poison was a cure? I did not have anything wrong with me I did not Now i do ( I can feel my mind crashing down, it feels like freedom) The fever is going up again My words are hazy My arms taste sweet I feel disoriented Why do you need my to be like this? Wipe that smile of yours Wipe it Please (Please) I am addicted to you Your whole presence I do not mind What do i not mind? I am sick, i am going crazy You drive me crazy You infected me and you rot me I still do not mind (There are tears dripping down my eyes, it is black) I do not mind (My heart just gave out) I just diagnosed my self today There is a paper thin difference between hate and love I think it is the latter I am such a liar
0
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 10:46 AM UTC
ByNabs
Plague
By : Nabs At dusk, I woke up to find that my whole body alight with pain From the very tip of my hair To the very tip of my toe A pain that struck me deep as it is rooted in me My head feels like it is not my own Where my thought are filled with images Where they took every single memories Just to replay it over and over again Although it is some specific memories that they play ( I should have known it was you) They are images of you Either the way your eyes disperse the light Glinting with rainbows as you laugh Or the tingling of your voice when you speak Or the little quirks that you have How you scratch your head when you're confused Or how you tighten your fist and hold it close to you when you are in anger Or how you look pained every time someone mention your father Even my subconsciousness was not safe from you How in the nights you seep into my dream And how my mind seem to speak your name with reverence As if you are a saint and i am a sinner begging for forgiveness Not to mention My head feels like it know you more that I know my self How my consciousness remember every single way your body move How you react How you never seem to notice how breath taking you are You do take my breath away, you know You make lungs constrict My throat sore and my windpipes clogs My chest ache Just from seeing you brush a stray strand out of your face ( No wonder I always choke) I know now that you are poisonous Because often you made my mind sluggish How you made my tongue numb Struggling to just say something I feel like I could die from just being in your presence Some how, I wouldn't mind that You seem to have taken over the control Of the beating of my heart It is not mine anymore You took it from me And i'll let you do it any day How do I not realize that you poison me? That you attacked me No I couldn't say attack when I, my self are a part of perpetrating the crime I let you poison me with your kindness And I succumb to it Kindness is very lethal I find Very potent You are causing an infection Spreading across my heart Making it rot The stench is cloyingly sweet with a hint of pain I think I know what poisoned me You make my heart a bruised little thing Banging across my rib cage Sometimes I can feel it to thump so hard I wonder if there are fractures littering my ribs It is a miracle I do not get a stroke With the way my hearth clenches Every so often just by a single word you said No matter how un important it is There is something growing inside my body and I know I am diseased I'm going to be erratic soon, at the rate this is spreading The rate this is spreading Why I know you planted some seeds inside of me And how it is growing in my body The pain is caused by them How it is thriving alive, and ******* me dry ******* life out of my marrows Making me prone to bend and break To bend and beg For you, I would do it in a heart beat Why do you do this to me? You do not intend this for me As I do not intend to succumb in the first place But intentions will always be intentions If we do not manage to realize it One of my symptoms is butterflies in my stomach How did the caterpillars get in there? How did my stomach turned into their cocoon? It does not feel beautiful, the butterflies in the making They feel like acid and agitation Now I am trembling You make my whole body quake My bone to ache and shake It is as if you made them corrode, Maybe that's why my knees shake just because of you How it will always tremble How you make my hands tremors How psychosomatic it is And I seemed to caught this sickness right to the bone Maybe I tremble because you are more than I can handle You with your kindness Your attempt to become normal Your fear of closed space And how you would unconsciously scratch the silvering wound across your heart Maybe because yours do not rot, you infected me and rotted mine instead ( There is something wrong with my eyes) As i said, not only that you have took over my heart you also took over my mind I seemed to still do not mind My whole body is trembling My lips quivering I feel my eyes are watering I feel my temperature rising I feel horrible and yet I do not mind this pain This high fever I am in Comfort me some how, even if i know that if I do not get well soon this might **** me If I do not get it treated, it will **** me But I am still hesitant to cure it I do not want to be diagnosed I do not want to I do not want to I am infected (There's something trying to get out of my stomach) I am trembling again And you saw me trembling You saw me You smiled, and a snip could be heard There are a string broken and it might me my sanity Why do you deny that there was an earthquake Why do you always deny that Why Why Why do i still got close to you despite knowing That the episentrum was you You are a natural disaster An epidemic Spreading disease in your wake You couldnt help it No one could help being them self You know I feel pain all over my body But sometimes the pain felt so intense That it renders me numb How do I still exist in this paradoxes of mine ( I fear my liver have stop trying to purge this toxic away) You make all my nerve go alight I feel like i am burning Ashes, ashes is what left of me I have nothing left of me You burned me down But why do i feel so cold? Yet, I do not mind Because even as my heart is aching and in pain Even if my whole body is black and blue My body is not mine anymore That was your betrayal, wasnt it? (At least i still could bask in your presence) You made me betray my self (Such exquisite pain you cause me, i want more) Why do you keep smiling as if you know nothing? Maybe you do not know anything (My legs just gave out and I am on my knees) The poison is muddling my mind I am poisoned I already said that I am trembling again The butterflies got out of their cocoon today. They were beautiful, and red with my blood I still do not mind You betray me You causes pain to me You poisoned me I still do not mind You smiled again today It was like my medicine I feel like i am addicted You smile like you were happy with the way i am I fumble with words now There is something wrong with my eye I cannot see clearly Everything is blurry and tinted (You said my eyes were beautiful) I was happy but now I am sick Why My legs and hand do not properly work anymore I feel like someone just pierce giant big hooks in them Because i keep being pulled I keep going back to you My body is not my own, it is infected You poison me and then you put parasites didn't you? I was fine Did you think your poison was a cure? I did not have anything wrong with me I did not Now i do ( I can feel my mind crashing down, it feels like freedom) The fever is going up again My words are hazy My arms taste sweet I feel disoriented Why do you need my to be like this? Wipe that smile of yours Wipe it Please (Please) I am addicted to you Your whole presence I do not mind What do i not mind? I am sick, i am going crazy You drive me crazy You infected me and you rot me I still do not mind (There are tears dripping down my eyes, it is black) I do not mind (My heart just gave out) I just diagnosed my self today There is a paper thin difference between hate and love I think it is the latter I am such a liar
Continue reading...
217
it's one o'clock in the morning and it smells of drugstore perfume, daisies mixed with something attempting to be sweeter than sugar when its truly salt swirled together with arsenic and my vapid feelings. it's one o'clock in the morning and it feels like static, like the fuzziness on television screens and the sensation of the wires in my brain snapping from this exhaustion that was never there till i gave up on the phantom innocence i'd been clinging to in the hopes it was still clinging onto the shreds of clothing at my feet. it's one o'clock in the morning and it looks as though everything has been painted monochrome. it's a series of hazy greys and blurry whites, but it's mostly a black delved so dark i can't see anything through it; it's not transparent enough to even glance at the stars blinking down toward the earth because the nighttime won't let me see anything but mysteries and untouched memories. it's one o'clock in the morning and it tastes like blood, so much blood. there's metal on my tongue and it's everywhere because there's no knife anywhere, just this transpiercing pain in my stomach and my lungs are being sliced open and the gore of my guts is spilling onto the tile floor and there's blood covering my hands and my face is cracking against concrete and i'm puking rainbows again and it tastes of heartsickness. it's one o'clock in the morning and it sounds like nothing. it's the kind of nothing that everyone notices: the breath that stops when one gets the news that their loved one is leaving them for good, the nothing after a performance that's left everyone contemplating the universe and love and whether i actually want to live at all, the silence following the coffin being shut. it's the nothingness of sobs and heartbreak and death. it's the sound of loneliness - particularly mine.
0
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 7:51 PM UTC
cr
the five senses at one a.m.
it's one o'clock in the morning and it smells of drugstore perfume, daisies mixed with something attempting to be sweeter than sugar when its truly salt swirled together with arsenic and my vapid feelings. it's one o'clock in the morning and it feels like static, like the fuzziness on television screens and the sensation of the wires in my brain snapping from this exhaustion that was never there till i gave up on the phantom innocence i'd been clinging to in the hopes it was still clinging onto the shreds of clothing at my feet. it's one o'clock in the morning and it looks as though everything has been painted monochrome. it's a series of hazy greys and blurry whites, but it's mostly a black delved so dark i can't see anything through it; it's not transparent enough to even glance at the stars blinking down toward the earth because the nighttime won't let me see anything but mysteries and untouched memories. it's one o'clock in the morning and it tastes like blood, so much blood. there's metal on my tongue and it's everywhere because there's no knife anywhere, just this transpiercing pain in my stomach and my lungs are being sliced open and the gore of my guts is spilling onto the tile floor and there's blood covering my hands and my face is cracking against concrete and i'm puking rainbows again and it tastes of heartsickness. it's one o'clock in the morning and it sounds like nothing. it's the kind of nothing that everyone notices: the breath that stops when one gets the news that their loved one is leaving them for good, the nothing after a performance that's left everyone contemplating the universe and love and whether i actually want to live at all, the silence following the coffin being shut. it's the nothingness of sobs and heartbreak and death. it's the sound of loneliness - particularly mine.
Continue reading...
55