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#healingfromabuse
Scattered, my heart, my soul Amidst the painful abyss, I find the pieces of me that were cast aside, And I lovingly pick her up, Put her upon my strong shoulders, Wipe my own tears and tell her it will be over soon. But when will it end? I sometimes ask myself. I went abroad to try to find myself, But I still feel lost and so different— I feel stripped of all my identities: of Zionism, of my family, of my homeland, of the USA, of my hometown, of my old beliefs, my old values, of what Judaism once was for me. But alas, I have left the religion too, Of grieving the land of Israel–Palestine, Because it feels like it’s grieving me. And all of my pain, I see exemplified in their eyes, Through the hands of the oppressors That I was once a part of. It all just tastes so awful— The feeling of always being fully masked, And then when I am unmasked, I still don’t find my belonging. My longing to feel aligned Almost eats me alive. I was bullied my whole entire life, And the only times I ever felt relief were in my dreams. Maybe that’s why I’ve spent the last few years sleeping it away, Trying to get away. But I think it’s time soon to get away and to start over— Away from my pain, to bring it with me in my arms, To meet it with grace, to look at myself with my own eyes, To meet the pain of self-harm, of suicidality, And to say, I see you. It’s the longing to change, to not stay the same, To want to be alive, But to live very differently. To choose to live. To choose to find peace in small moments. To choose kindness. To choose to not be racist. To choose love. To choose to humanize everyone— Especially myself and my old selves, Who didn’t know any better. That’s all. Maybe it’s a letter to myself, A letter of culmination. I feel my age creeping on me; I feel that I must change my life— Not allow it to pass me by anymore. For I am almost 29, And I am truly away from my toxic, narcissistic past. I don’t have to allow them to bully me anymore. Silence is golden, And I have power. That’s why they have tried to **** me And dim my spirit— Because I am powerful. I always thought I was weak and small, But now I realize That it’s my power that they saw. So it’s my power That I shall take back, Once and for all.
0
Oct 17, 2025
Oct 17, 2025 at 1:46 PM UTC
MMMM
lighting myself up
Scattered, my heart, my soul Amidst the painful abyss, I find the pieces of me that were cast aside, And I lovingly pick her up, Put her upon my strong shoulders, Wipe my own tears and tell her it will be over soon. But when will it end? I sometimes ask myself. I went abroad to try to find myself, But I still feel lost and so different— I feel stripped of all my identities: of Zionism, of my family, of my homeland, of the USA, of my hometown, of my old beliefs, my old values, of what Judaism once was for me. But alas, I have left the religion too, Of grieving the land of Israel–Palestine, Because it feels like it’s grieving me. And all of my pain, I see exemplified in their eyes, Through the hands of the oppressors That I was once a part of. It all just tastes so awful— The feeling of always being fully masked, And then when I am unmasked, I still don’t find my belonging. My longing to feel aligned Almost eats me alive. I was bullied my whole entire life, And the only times I ever felt relief were in my dreams. Maybe that’s why I’ve spent the last few years sleeping it away, Trying to get away. But I think it’s time soon to get away and to start over— Away from my pain, to bring it with me in my arms, To meet it with grace, to look at myself with my own eyes, To meet the pain of self-harm, of suicidality, And to say, I see you. It’s the longing to change, to not stay the same, To want to be alive, But to live very differently. To choose to live. To choose to find peace in small moments. To choose kindness. To choose to not be racist. To choose love. To choose to humanize everyone— Especially myself and my old selves, Who didn’t know any better. That’s all. Maybe it’s a letter to myself, A letter of culmination. I feel my age creeping on me; I feel that I must change my life— Not allow it to pass me by anymore. For I am almost 29, And I am truly away from my toxic, narcissistic past. I don’t have to allow them to bully me anymore. Silence is golden, And I have power. That’s why they have tried to **** me And dim my spirit— Because I am powerful. I always thought I was weak and small, But now I realize That it’s my power that they saw. So it’s my power That I shall take back, Once and for all.
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