#haunts
Saw this place somewhere
Oh! It was my golden dream
Now the dream haunts me
Jun 14, 2025
Jun 14, 2025 at 2:12 AM UTC
A deer near a pond
Drinking water, sees lion
Now fears the water
Jun 13, 2025
Jun 13, 2025 at 8:03 AM UTC
the question of what I'm afraid of haunts me....
I will sometimes say the darkness, trying to play it off cool.
or maybe it's deep water, and what lays beneath the muggy depths.
I sometimes think it's fire, how powerful it could be, how quickly it could destroy everything just as you turn away.
I could always say it's weather, how the wind howls so creepily
the way the thunder shakes the earth.
there's a million different things I could say.
but truly if you want to know what keeps me up at night.
it's you....
I'll lay in bed and think about how one day you'll me gone.
how no matter how much I love you, it could never be enough.
I know I'm not the prettiest.
my hair maybe too brown.
I don't have a body like hers.
So I guess there's the truth.
I'm scared of losing you.
Mar 23, 2025
Mar 23, 2025 at 5:25 PM UTC
was I not there for you my love
when the touch of night set in
when the smiles turned dark as storm clouds
and the nightmares would begin
your eyes were open
yet your heart would close
while the ghosts of childhood
come to prey
I tried to shield your soul from them
but the night is where they play
savage are the dreams that lived
in the heart and mind of my precious Eve
I'll find you in the light of day
when my nightmare takes its leave
where the ghosts that took you from me
cannot touch this sacred place
until that night
I'll feel you right
beside me
Jul 7, 2024
Jul 7, 2024 at 7:39 PM UTC
I expel smoke into the atmosphere
and think of all my ghosts this year.
I fumble the deck in search of fives
but still find the Jester half alive.
I stumble through old alleys
we used to go to, in search of songs.
But I do nothing right but fill valleys
with all of the right wrongs.
I absorb oaked *** into my veins
and felt hot tears in the rain.
All those moments — lost in time
the second you were no longer mine.
Jun 7, 2023
Jun 7, 2023 at 2:15 AM UTC
Happiness so hard to reach
Now more than ever
Question that haunts my heavy heart
"Will I stay sad forever?"
Jul 24, 2022
Jul 24, 2022 at 7:50 PM UTC
It's been a year
Since I touched you
I still remember
Your rough movements
The warmth of your skin
Soft moans that escapes my mouth
And pleasure that you brings
It's been a year
And it's still haunts me
Jan 8, 2022
Jan 8, 2022 at 1:16 PM UTC
I am lost
In the wilderness of my youth
I fight
with every ounce of my might
To keep the dark forest of desires away from haunting me
I try to flee
To the right path, I see
but thorny branches of nightmarish trees grab me so maliciously
And reach my heart
To pour some venom
I sink
Into a shuddering oblivion
The soulless devil invites me to his enmity
I refuse
As I hearken the sanity
My Lord had provided me
And I cling to it like ivy
Indeed, My Lord helped me to seek Him
Before the devil and the sinful hankerings sought me
Apr 13, 2021
Apr 13, 2021 at 7:19 AM UTC
Moving along in life looking at all the different stalls
I wonder how much it all costs
If I could ever have it all
What about one smile?
What about an extra mile?
What about a first love?
What about the longest hug?
I wonder if I will ever have enough
Everything is so expensive
I only have so little left
Will it really be worth it?
What if It was a waste?
Something I could never get back
I must spend it though
Every little bit must be accounted for in the end
This precious currency
Nothing attained with it can be returned
All sales are final
Let’s buy this one smile
Just one
Oops
Looks like it was upside down.
Oct 18, 2020
Oct 18, 2020 at 7:58 PM UTC
She torments my passed
From my memories somehow
Why does heartbreak last
Aug 2, 2020
Aug 2, 2020 at 5:26 AM UTC
Too quiet
Too dark
Too silent
Too far
Walls seemed to continuously cave in
I kept on hearing sounds nobody can
Then darkness came, fear started crawling under my skin
I badly want to scream for help yet I just can't
Anyone who listened to my story
They'll either listen or ignore me
Or even both probably
No one just takes me seriously
It's been giving me nightmares
Unbelievable fear of time is what I got
Knowing -ber months is coming may be other's time for celebrating
But it's months of nightmares and inevitable fear to me
Can't breathe
Can't laugh
Can't see the light
Please stop
I beg for someone to help me
Only one remained and believed me
Others left out of disgust or fear
One includes my parents, it saddens me
I need some ears to listen to me
Some open mind to believe what's happening to me
A person who knows what's it like to feel the fear I've been living
Someone I can truly talk to and give me understanding
But even so I already found that person by now
It still haunts me whenever I close my eyes
It's hard to live with it you know
Every now and then they'll pop into my thoughts and take away my happiness
It draws my tears out of my eyes
It gives me shivers down my spine
The fear I kept on feeling whenever I am confined
Not only in darkness but in my very mind
The riddle was not yet answered
This mystery is yet to be solved
And here I was waiting for its end
Hoping it would leave me alone and live my life again
But just how **** unlucky am I
No one seems to understand how I'm feeling
My parents would always avoid the topic if I ever start bringing it
I felt so betrayed and confined
I can't believe I see my own home as my prison
Yes we're all together yet I always feel alone
School was also not an exemption
Everything just felt so near but still so far like a different dimension
Laying on my bed
This very afternoon
Rain drops pouring down
Moments after 12 noon
Still so bright outside
Yet my room seemed so dark
Loneliness looming over
Happiness crushed like pieces of broken glass on the floor
Too quiet
Too dark
Too scared
Too silent
Please save me
My heart is begging
Please hear me
My mind is screaming..
Jul 6, 2020
Jul 6, 2020 at 12:07 AM UTC
I can see your smile
It's nothing new
Its a smile I've seen a million times before
And I know I will see it a million times again
It's a smile that haunts my dreams
And frequents nightmares
It makes my skin crawl
And my heart race
It's sweet like a summers kiss
And sour as a dead rose
Its warm like fire
Yet cold as grooms feet
And i'd like to think one day I'll wipe that grin off your face
But for now it haunts me
Mar 31, 2019
Mar 31, 2019 at 11:27 PM UTC
Somewhere in the willows
You hear it through the walls
Starts as a whisper
But then it soon calls
Make your way to
The adventure that awaits
You are the key
That opens the gates
Troubles and trickery
A daring little spell
Bring your wits about you
Hope it goes well
Witches are brewing
Skeletons will dance
Vampires are preying
You'll be put in a trance
Haunted are the willows
Who call out your name
Answer to them
You must finish the game
Sep 8, 2018
Sep 8, 2018 at 7:13 PM UTC
a myriad
dice with
death that
she expose
gnaw to
friends and
catch flu
with symptoms
of abuse
then the
healing of
this inertia
in times
like these
that she
was nigh
Aug 7, 2018
Aug 7, 2018 at 7:44 AM UTC
Shake; don't stir, run through the pattern,
I was always Jupiter but they all prefer Saturn,
it's got a ring while I'm all explosions,
that's just the thing with these silly emotions.
In outer space the stars are your only friend,
and you're feeling out of place but these days that seems like a trend.
When the moon seems too far away,
the sun will come soon but it will never stay.
Xannie's my favourite girl,
she's got me spinning in this crazy world,
so I add some blue to the swirl,
with the red it makes purple pearl.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
So I jot some shots to my list.
I can only dream of that peaceful bliss,
and the ancient years of which I miss.
Shake; don't stir, follow the lead,
you see flowers occur but I only see a ****
toxic it grows until all it consumes,
everyday she mows but I think it needs fumes.
Down in the dirt where soil holds the leaves,
I buried the hurt but a heart still grieves,
and when the moon is covered with sheets of grey,
the sun will come soon but it will never stay.
Xannie's my favourite love,
she fits my heart tight like a glove,
and when it comes to push or shove,
she's all that I've been thinking of.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
"If this can even be considering living."
I'm waking up to a dark abyss,
it's taken all and now it's giving.
The thoughts in my head,
buried under the dirt,
those words left unsaid,
the ones that cause hurt.
But tomorrow might not come,
this whole thing could be done,
and I've bit my lip since I was young,
I'd hate to also bite my tongue.
Xannie's my favourite girl,
she's got me spinning in this hazy world,
warming my body until I curl,
now all routine is a deadly burl.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
"Maybe I don't even want to live at all."
Every single second I just reminisce
of the days before I hit that wall.
Who would've ever thought
that during those teenage years,
I believed each day I fought
against loneliness and my fears.
But youth was just a brawl
adulthood is a ****** war,
back then I really had it all
but resented that I didn't have more.
This realization has caused madness,
and irony has a thick glaze,
'cause the youth that I wasted in sadness
was really the "good ol' days."
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 10:16 AM UTC
you summon tears
from the bowls of my pain
in unexpected places
at unexpected times
because it's your face
it h a u n t s me
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 7:15 AM UTC
The goddess of nature,
she was there for every
last heart beat stilled.
Droplet spilt upon
mother earth,
feeding an unquenchable thirst.
Collecting every last breath,
she never possessed,
there last exhaling breath.
But the warrior of the
grass lands she gave respect.
Never was one perfection of creation.
Woven within the embrace
to bring order to a chaos
that haunts the tall grass.
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 5:37 PM UTC
Floating in the
sea of salty tears
I find myself crying,
myself wearing,
through the endless
journey of gone
Blood and bones made
at every corner of this ship
across this mischievous town
Why do I keep floating,
when I can sink within
the clotting of my pain?
We still travel
as we kept to unravel
things that were
always empty
We're like ghost ships;
leaving, disappearing
without any
trace nor marks
Jul 22, 2017
Jul 22, 2017 at 10:59 AM UTC
It was March 2007,
An exact decade
The land was barren
My bare body laid
The air was in drought
Helplessness rioted and raid
Humanity was in scarcity
My debt soul sinfully paid
For its innocence
He was inside me, collecting dues
I was nine, crying and loud
He was forty one, enjoying and proud.
My money ran out,
August 2011.
April 2017
Debts never truly forgotten,
It was after work Saturday when
My debts finally finished paying
A vase left him bleeding
No longer loud and helpless.
-fir.m
Apr 18, 2017
Apr 18, 2017 at 10:07 PM UTC
*I hope you see me in your dreams
and I hope it ******* haunts you.*
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 12:00 AM UTC
I opened the shutters
to my window
in the abbey at 5am
and smelt the fresh dew
on the grass of
the garth below,
Deus in omnibus,
touched the old crucifix
on the wall above my bed
felt the pierced feet,
Dio in noi e con noi
the Italian monk said
as I helped him
in the workshop
cleaning brass fittings
for the church,
I kissed her soft fruit
but it was no apple
like Eve's and I no Adam,
there are some
who want knowledge
for the sake of knowledge
but that is Curiosity
and there are some
who want knowledge
so they can be known
by others that is Vanity
and there are those
who want knowledge
so that they can serve
and that is Love
St Bernard said,
I watched as Hugh
walked to the refectory
grim faced and *********
his rosary with an angel
at elbow and demon
at foot or so seemed,
à la fin du péché
de jour est le péché
the French monks said to me
as we scythed the grass
by the long drive
to the abbey,
I climbed her peaks
as we lay in her bed,
I opened the book
by St Augustine which
a priest in London
recommended along
with the poet Hopkins
and I remembered being
served tea and cakes
by a nun who worked
along side him,
George swept the cloister
as the hoover
had packed up
dat is beter
het is rustiger
a Dutch monk said to him,
she spread her legs
like a butterfly and said
take and have your fill
so I did,
nolite iudicare
ut non iudicemini
so it said some place
in the Gospels,
the price good men pay
for indifference to public affairs
is to be ruled by evil men
Gareth said quoting
from Plato as we sat
in the novice room
awaiting Dom Joe,
I wanted to sense
God's breath on my neck
as I bowed my head to pray
but sensed only
a cold wind in the church
on a 5.30am dawn
and doubt was born.
Jul 1, 2016
Jul 1, 2016 at 2:01 AM UTC
5.30am dawn
birdsong
smell of fresh flowers,
aperiam ***** mea,
Dom Joe rabbit-like
(affectionately) put
a finger to his lips
to remind me
of the Grand Silence
that was in
the refectory for breakfast,
she presented me
with her soft fruit
and said take
and enjoy,
the breviary
black and heavy
held in hands
looking for the Matins Office
Latin and plainsong,
ascoltare Dio
the Italian monk said
as I helped in
the abbey library
to sort books
dust off shelves,
Hugh thin faced said
all rings and personal items
must be left
in the care of the abbot
all that is
of the past must
be left behind,
the smell of polish
and old bricks
and the French
peasant monk(lay-brother)
walked along the aisle
of the church as if
across a muddy field
in his heavy black boots,
love with tenderness
not passion
wisdom not foolishness
and strength
(St) Bernard said
I read some place,
parler à Dieu
de ne pas lui
the French monk said
to me as I am with you
as we cleared grass
at the roadside
to the abbey,
smell of incense
in the church
before Terce after Mass
and closing the eyes
and breathing it in,
I wanted
to **** her fig
but she giggled too much
so just kissed her lips,
if you want
be a real seeker of truth
it is necessary
said Gareth
quoting Descartes
that once in your life
you doubt everything,
afternoon tea and biscuits
in the cloister garth
the trolley pushed
onto the lawn there
and chit-chat
and talk of the day,
during Compline
in the semi dark
as monks sang
the Regina Caeli
I stared at the high windows
and mused on her
naked and lying there
arms open
legs spread
that image seeped
into my head.
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 3:18 AM UTC
The bed against the wall
near the crucifix
on the wall above the bed
and a small lamp
on the bedside cabinet,
et sonus campanae,
time to rise
and prepare for Matins
opened the shutters
over the windows
to catch dawn's 5am light,
and she said
come back to bed
I want you to make love
to me again,
George in the toilets
getting water in the jug
for absolutions
but said nothing
because of the Grand Silence,
Dio parla nel silenzio
the Italian monk said
after Mass as we walked
from the church,
sunlight came and went
as we walked along
the cloisters after Lauds,
O Lord help me to be pure
but not yet
Augustine(saint) said,
I wondered that as I washed
down the walls
of the sluice room
after Terce smell of bleach
in my nose,
la remise de soi à Dieu
the French monk
told me as I helped
tidy the sacristy
before Sext and lunch
stomach moaning,
she was small but she
had this way about ***
that was tireless,
Hugh spoke
of his father's visit
and his father thought
he'd make abbot
but he left years later
and married,
the bell tolled
in the cloister
the French monk held
the rope as we entered
for lunch and grace prayers
and readings by the reader
maybe Cromwell's life,
hablar y Dios te escucha
the Spanish monk said
the rain fell as we waited
for Vespers
and I saw a rainbow,
it is easy to forgive
a child who is afraid
of the dark but the real
tragedy of life
is when men
are afraid of the light
said Gareth quoting Plato
on the lawn as we ate tea
and biscuits,
to walk with God
or in His shadow
looking for light
even in the darkest night.
May 30, 2016
May 30, 2016 at 2:50 AM UTC
Introite portas eius
in gratiarum actione,
I entered the porter's lodge
and monks awaited me
three walked with me
up the drive
taking my bags,
bell tower against
a blue sky
bells tolled,
Hugh showed me my cell
and where to put my books,
sorrow can be alleviated
by good sleep a bath
and a glass of wine
said Thomas,
what can I get you?
she said unbuttoning
my flies with her
nimble fingers
and tongue to one side,
toccare la mano
di Dio the Italian monk said
as we placed books
in the shelves
of the library in the abbey,
Dom James talked
of the plainsong
and when we would need
to sing Latin by
and small lines of chant
and I tried,
parler à Dieu et
il répondra
the French monk said,
a dry desert of prayer
I told him,
she put her legs
about my waist
and I entered her
garden of Eve,
the French peasant monk
sythed the tall grass
like death sweeping
through a plagued city,
smell of incense
as I entered for mass,
choir stalls highly polished
smell of wax in the air,
yes my Beloved it is thus
that my life's brief day
shall be spent
before Thee
Therese said,
we walked the cloister
George and I
morning Terce hour over
and onto work tasks,
vertrauen auf Gott
und seine Liebe
the Austrian monk told me
as he sawed the wood
for log fires
and I held the end firm,
one can find out more
about a person in one hour
of play than in a year
of conversation
Gareth said quoting Plato
as we sat on the beach
in the abbey grounds,
amor Dei in veritate
Dom Joe(dear Bunny) said
trust to God and his love,
she milked me off
thoughts of her
drained my days
in all ways.
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 4:28 AM UTC