#hatemyself
It hurts, I can't take the pain, yet I still drive the blade across my skin. Take me away, take me back, to a lost dream where pain had never been. Cut, bleed, scar, repeat. The blood drips. The layer underneath revealed. Oh, what a feat. I hate this. Cry, scream, and yell, though my voice never heard. I want to be free. Away from all the scars and pain that made me. Run. I want to run. The mask that I wear finally has a crack. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of that. Cut, bleed, scar, repeat. Heal that Crack. Hide it. Smile again, fake as it may be. Bring joy because you never had any. Laughter and smiles are sometimes worthwhile. Arrive home, smile instantly drained. Broken down by words. A greed for love. A grave need for a mother's embrace. Deprived of that love. Break inside over and over again. Cut, bleed, scar, repeat. Disgust. It makes me want to ***** what I do to myself. A burning sensation, to do it again. To die is to be free. I want to be free. Bomb after bomb dropping in my life. When will I finally crack? Hatred overtakes me, in a vulnerable state. A peace I can never obtain, a hole never to be filled, a better life too far out of reach. Bad thoughts fill my head. Ones of that, “No one will miss me if I'm dead.” Cry and whine but I will never be happy. I want this all to end. The pain I feel is unbearable. No one loves me. Cut, bleed, scar, ******* repeat.
Dec 18, 2025
Dec 18, 2025 at 10:19 PM UTC
i need to get some stuff off my chest
my cousin doesn’t like me anymore
i’m at a family gathering right now;
a birthday party
i love talking to my aunts and my grandma
they include me in conversations and
make me feel worth their while
maybe it’s a me problem
that i changed and i’m average
and painful to be around
it could most definitely be that
and i wish i could stop
obsessing over speaking
but quarantine ******* me over
and left me with repulsive social anxiety
someone’s laughing
and the shaven dog is barking
my ears can’t handle this
the dog hates me, she doesn’t
let me pet her and i just wish i had a
dog as a companion, but
my parents don’t want that responsibility
even though it would be all mine
i need a dog, i need a friend
who’s always present,
there for me
no one ever is
no one knows what gathers inside
my brain throughout the day
that forces me to write
or i would literally burst.
now my cousin said goodbye to her
favorite aunt and uncle
and her young cousins who
are perfectly skinny and basic
and **** perfect
i’m miserable now
it’s not like it used to be
her cousin looks like a model
where’s my glow up?
i just look so terribly ugly
that it hurts me so badly
even twelve year olds look like models
and they make me
so terrifically insecure
it’s infuriating
how unfair some things are
especially genetics and body dysmorphia
i need some boy who’ll soothe
this mental state i have
been swallowed up in
without my consent
my incompetent brain has never heard
the word ‘no’ before, apparently
i’m sick to my stomach
thinking about everything
and how everything used to be
and how everyone is changing
and how much i want to die
killing me would be doing me
a huge favor at this point
why do people always have
to make me insecure with their
toned bodies and gorgeous faces?
i am convinced that something
is eternally wrong with me
but i’ll stop making you
mad by saying i hate myself
cause now it’s basically redundant
but one last time
for good measures
i hate myself
and i’ll never be an asset
to society
goodbye, the only thing that loves me for who i am is my writing
Aug 7, 2022
Aug 7, 2022 at 5:17 PM UTC
Why do people say they love me?
When all they want to do is leave.
I start crying and nobody is there,
And sadness is all I receive.
Who is really there for me,
When i'm feeling down?
As I fall deeper into this ocean,
All I do is drown.
My sleepless eyes want to stop,
from weeping so much they burn.
But all I can do is continue to wait,
While my stomach continues to churn.
I'm done........
Mar 4, 2019
Mar 4, 2019 at 3:46 PM UTC
I'm sad,
but I feel like I'm not sad enough.
I hate food,
but not enough to stop eating.
I hurt myself,
but not enough for people to notice.
I want to die,
but not enough to seek it.
I want happiness
but i'm too scared to lose my identity.
I'm mad,
but not enough to seek revenge.
I'm a kid,
but not enough to live my life.
Nov 1, 2018
Nov 1, 2018 at 3:37 PM UTC
Would you cry if I wasn't here anymore?
I always was waiting for you to come
and tell me that you love me.
But I think,
I waited to long for you
and now I am dead inside.
May 6, 2018
May 6, 2018 at 1:15 PM UTC
You.
Exhaust.
Me.
From your words,
to your body language,
to your ******* presence.
You.
Exhaust.
Me.
I live day to day,
dreading talking to you.
I live day to day,
scorning you.
The only reason I tolerate you,
is because I have to.
You.
Are.
Me.
I live day to day,
dreading waking up.
I live day to day,
shying away from mirrors.
I.
Exhaust.
Myself.
Mar 10, 2018
Mar 10, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC
All these tears I've wept,
the secrets I've kept,
the nights I haven't slept.
For myself, I cannot accept.
- self-esteem dreams
Sep 22, 2017
Sep 22, 2017 at 3:43 AM UTC
for whatever reason,
i can never be happy.
im always sad,
i always want to end my life.
no one could ever make me feel
the way that you do.
you make me feel like
i can recover from this irony.
you make me feel as if
im not worthless.
you make me feel like im important.
and i cant thank you enough for that.
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 8:46 PM UTC
Once there was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she became her sun, her light, her everything,
And the flower on earth,
She loved her more then every grain of sand,
Her favorite books,
Lazy Sundays,
Baggy sweaters,
And even more then all the scars on her body,
But nothing last forever,
And she left her,
Like everyone else,
The girl then learned,
You must love yourself first,
Because your happiness,
Can not rely on other people,
Because as quickly as they come,
They go don't let them fool you,
There once was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she took he sun, her light, her everything..
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 10:13 AM UTC
Baggy clothes and braces
Socks with printed laces
Along with sweatpants to cover
What was given by your mother
A putrid odor
Burned into skin by a motor
A face rounded at sides
Little girl, splashes in the tides
Shirt over swimsuit
Looking for pirate's loot
Unaware that she looked like a princess
Protruding dress
Her hair a mess
I think that she's beautiful
Though, God forbid they know
She had a face, she'd not dare show
Mar 9, 2015
Mar 9, 2015 at 8:24 PM UTC
I hate when people watch me eat.
I wonder what they think.
"God look at that chubby girl with ranch on her salad"
"She'll never loose weight if she eats like that"
"Her cheeks jiggle when she chews"
"How much more can she fit in her mouth"
I wonder if they hate me as much as I hate me,
simply for eating lunch.
Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 10:55 AM UTC
I repeat it
like an incantation
"I hate myself I hate myself I hatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyself-"
until the words blur
and so does my vision
the world is a smeared pencil mark
covered in a veil of darkness
that matches my mood
and my terrible thoughts.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC