#hallucinate
sometimes in the silent dark
when im curled in the corner
is it just
the sound of my traitorous heart
or
are
there
footsteps
outside the
door?
Nov 20, 2020
Nov 20, 2020 at 11:23 PM UTC
looking up at the popcorn on the ceiling.
watching it dance, groove, and jive.
wondering if I'm imagining this too
and what it even means to be
alive.
the waves of goosebumps come and go
and I'm a little cold
from the AC I keep too low
so that I can hide under a blanket.
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 11:13 PM UTC
chill of the winter night
drifting through the open sunroof
throbbing stars
a crisp breeze
licking our skin
invading our bodies with tingling goosebumps
slipping ourselves the pill of oblivion
drifting into a reality
that perhaps only existed in our minds
we did believe our imaginations
much more comfortably
than we would ever believe reality
so we sat there
slumped on the black leather seats
watching the notes spill from the speakers
and dissipate into the air
Jul 7, 2020
Jul 7, 2020 at 5:22 PM UTC
****** knuckles
Alcohol
Late night drives in rain fall
Hollow inside
I hate this feeling
It's one that always sends me reeling
Locked doors
Blood shot eyes
I'm starting to feel sleep deprived
Hallucinations
Isolation
I feel like a mental patient
I can't get up
Texts too late
I don't want to do today
Self loathing
Bleach and comet
This time I'm not going to *****
False hope
Everything hurts
This little blue pill just doesn't work
Jul 5, 2020
Jul 5, 2020 at 9:21 PM UTC
Underneath the clouds
But stumbling above the ground.
I quietly shout
What’s keeping me around?
What keeps me silhouetted in the background
Of your fickle heart and your crown?
When I open my eyes,
A blurry masquerade of a reality unmade.
I can’t tell if I’m awake.
And I can’t tell if I made a mistake.
I’m putty in your hand
At home with the ******
I can’t tell if I’m awake.
And I can’t tell if I made a mistake.
And I can’t tell if I’m insane.
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 1:58 PM UTC
Shattered shards of sea foam open my eyes
nothing to do but drift through this tepid stew.
The porcelain palm trees lean in and whisper
about the ending, or so they surmised.
Closing my eyes, I take time to construe
and I see an angel; and I kiss her
and the world grows weary, silent, and still.
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 2:49 AM UTC
There is a light, it's flickering a pale white blue.
The carpet is rough on my face, silence permeates the house. I should get up.
I should pull myself into personhood. My hands tremor, I let my finger tips find the end of the carpet. Skimming the floor boards shaking fingers beginning to tap tap tap out the only sound.
I used to drink the restlessness away, now I am left a craving in its place. Tap tap tap say the fingers.
Violent imagery flashes across my mind, car crashes, rending metal, glass breaking, bones snapping there are sharp falls and hit and runs and stabbing on the sidewalk, knife sliding into my flesh. Leaping into oncoming traffic, my heart skipping beats and laughter always my laughter. The final moment of freedom replayed over an over. I can't tell you why it makes me smile, I don't know why myself.
Tap tap tap tap tap irrattic finger tips might be getting angry. Have your limbs been angry at you before?
Rolling over the popcorn ceiling swirls,
I realized a while back if I pay attention to the patterns they shift, I hallucinate mildly on most days. I think I might miss it if I were being honest. I focus on my skin, the way the air touches it, the way cold feels, if I savour this enough I almost feel high, high is almost always on the other side of sensation.
I might always be a touch high compared to how the average Joe feels. This is not a desirable state, but if you talk to me tomorrow I might say it's a gift.
I slowly stand, my knees cracking fingertips tap tap tapping up the wall. Giving up drinking was like giving up one of my last connections to my dearly departed. Gin and alcoholism kept a part of him close to me. Medication and therapy take me further and further away from the person who knew him.
I walk barefoot, the texture of the floor boards underfoot, stepping into the kitchen I pull a wine glass from the cupboard. I want to hear it sing, I flick the glass, I hold the opening of the glass near my ear. I can feel the sound touching my ear. Soft ringing until it's quiet again, I've tried to savour the experience by listening in to the sounds of my world.
Listening to the slow crunch of a crisp apple, the sound of the city, the bubbling of the fish tank. Perfect beautiful sounds ripe with happening.
You can hear the happening of what is at all times if you choose to.
There are other ways to savour, I think it helps to be here and now, the savouring it I mean. By "it" I mean everything your senses allow you to perceive, the everything that is your sensory image of the world around you. Your brain built the image of the world, it's a reflection of you. The world is a mirror to your mind.
Often the reflection is not something I'm proud of, other times I'm exploding with pride.
I wish I could share what I've found with him, but I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't paying attention.
Attention to here and now has been the key I keep dropping and picking up.
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 8:51 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel like I’m on drugs
But these drugs are better than any
I hallucinate a life with you
I walk down the stairs past you but
Instead of an awkward smile
You pull me aside and kiss me
Gently but with true passion
You kiss me knowing
I would die for you
But our love would never die
These hallucinations are so perfect
Like one white cloud in the blue sky
I know they aren’t real
Life for me is nothing but storm clouds
Raining on every parade before it starts
Like an addict I need more
More and more and more
Of this perfect hallucination
Where I float across the ground
To you and you are there to greet me
You laugh because I am laughing
I am laughing because you make me happy
You make me happy because
Your existence is the drug
Dec 7, 2017
Dec 7, 2017 at 6:07 PM UTC
I woke up
In a dark place
With four goats around me
Dancing.
The dance was demonic
Satanic
Hallucinogenic
Static.
They moved
Yet stayed in place
They sang demonic tunes
Yet did not open their mouth.
I paniced
Screamed
Shivered
and finally ran.
I kicked one
and it Unfolded
Exploded
Into butterflies.
The other goats burst and shaped
Defaced
Recombobulated
A man.
The man had a mask
of Clay
My fist felt the clay
The clay felt my fist.
The mask
Shattered
Corroded
Disintegrated.
I saw fear
I saw dismay
I saw dread
I saw me.
He spoke
"Pathetic"
"Disgusting"
"I'm you? How cliche?".
I shook
I saw crows
I burst to butterflies
The crows ate me.
I was on the floor
I overdosed
I ****** up
I should do this again.
Mar 15, 2016
Mar 15, 2016 at 2:14 PM UTC
Hidden in corners, so easy to see
Darkening doorways, empty halls, midnight streets.
Hiding much, for most "I can't tell you, I can't see"
For the question, "What was that..." was the answer I'd seek.
"Nothing's there."
Can't they SEE it?!
Flowing through NOTHING,
Like Water.
In such silence...
I assume,
Can't really hear over my mind.
Until sleep begins it's caress.
I'll hear them, in time.
Some of them, clearly Mad
Is this madness within me?
No, I'm sure it cant be.
They don't always speak to ME.
Unconsciousness embrace, awareness begins to fade
Sleep settles in to welcome a new day.
I lay.
A Scream.
I awake, no time has passed at all.
The walls are still, the echos
Of the silence.
My god, the maddening SILENCE!
The sequel to the screams.
Why must it be heard before
I've even a chance to dream.
The shadows continue to twitch.
The dancing blackness other's never see
When i ask them "What was that..."
To be replied "Nothing's there."
"It's just a dream"
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 10:29 AM UTC
Your voice follows me
Demolishes me
Crushes me
I hate
to hallucinate
But sometimes
I wish
It really was you
calling me
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 6:22 PM UTC
I have
Visions of me
When I see you
There’s work to do.
~ Rachael Hays
Sep 26, 2015
Sep 26, 2015 at 10:38 AM UTC
i'm following a script of what to do
what to say, how to think, how to not think
because you tell me to
but i'm burning pages and setting fire
to all that I had felt before
but see
my lips are a little chapped
and my eyes are bloodshot
my mouth is a little dry
and there's blood running down my nose
i'm flipping pages
i can barely breathe
like always
the ink is bleeding
literally bleeding red
and scribbles turn into cuts
i open my eyes
but all i can see
are crushed up pills
in the Rx bottle I used to be
Nov 19, 2014
Nov 19, 2014 at 6:18 PM UTC
O lover
Sharing that supernovae space with you
Led me to a mischievous sleep which is
both hard to fall in and even harder
to wake up from.
but to your chirpy noise,
I flutter my eyes to catch
a clear glimpse of you,and I find
you,in front of me,smelling of
jasmine,and the
blossom of your
lips compel me to extract
all its sweet juices and now
I find myself
staring at you,and then your
face close to me,while I enjoy
the touch of your
heavy breathing,
you surface the velocity
of my hefty heartbeats.
To which you chuckle,
your crooked teeth smiling through,
and the crinkles on your nose make
a beautiful pattern,
your cheeks crimson red,
and after a long span of seconds,
I finally catch my breath again
and I heavily blink,
opening up to see that
you were,well,
GONE .
{this is a fictional piece by umm me, and this is written with the perspective of a man for her lady muse}
Sep 24, 2014
Sep 24, 2014 at 6:16 AM UTC