#graphic
Hello its me again ,it's been a while since we've laid down the complexed inner workings of this twisted mind..trying to make sense of all the noise of being constantly bombarded by questions of a vain existence while playfully fighting the urge to shove a cactus down my throat and out of my *** ..that sounds fun.. If that's your kink stay.. and let me tell you about how I,this awkward pile of fieces made a brief attempt to end himself by...ah...shit shame he's dead..where were we again...treading on the fine line between life and death In and out of consciousness once more or whatever you call it an never ending taunting of fate ,a **** you to death ..
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 10:54 AM UTC
I pay for each cut
as if I consumed the world
The oceans, the grass,
the filth and the dirt
Swelling, stretching, tearing at the gut
Death seeps into the marrow
Even as my bones yearn to hollow,
to be birthed anew,
to frolic upon the cosmic floor
A lightless dawn breaks
and my skin falls apart at your touch
as if it were never mine shield
Shattered, my ribs, yet I breathe
Dark feathers sprout
like a million pin-pricks
pain and pleasure wedded;
I accept your penalties
along with your gifts
Eons to wait
before judgement day
Your nightly winds move me much; yet
my roots run so deep
that I wonder,
If I shall ever spread my wings, when
the price is so steep?
-x-
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 2:27 PM UTC
I am utterly vile
My yellowed body bloats
Flesh festers with larvae
Numbers at my feet climb
Like mold on damp walls
I am like a festering wound
Filled with maggots and pus
Like a half-decayed corpse
Skin bruised, yellowed, and knawed
Like mold you don't notice
Until you bite the bread it lay on
It is not real, I tell myself
I do not really look like that,
I promise myself
But every photo I see,
Every pair of downcast eyes,
Every word I type
Tells me otherwise
I wish to grow claws
And shred my skin off my bones
To burn the corpse I live in
To **** this infested meat I inhabit
I open my fridge for a snack
But the power had been cut long ago
The meat is ridden with maggots
The fruits melting with decay
The air buzzing with insects
who make their way over to me
And burrow into the **** on my stomach
I am vile, disgusting, horrendous, viscerally ugly, disturbing, rotting, horrid, decaying, putrid, and I am running out of ways to say it. I am disgustingly human and disgustingly dead. All that is left to do is to burn the corpse.
Dec 26, 2025
Dec 26, 2025 at 4:57 PM UTC
ive been planning
pills lined up
blades sharpened
rope ready
take a step
closer and closer
to the edge
fall and hit the pavement
pills pills pills
i hate taking pills
what an awful way to go
suffocating on drugs
maybe
draw a nice warm bath
wear my favourite clothes
cut deep and breathe out
red into the water
i hope i die
coma or car crash
i hope i die
so i dont have to do it myself
Oct 2, 2025
Oct 2, 2025 at 9:12 AM UTC
breathing closed
heart tight, trembling
tears turned the world to glass,
edges sharp, light bent,
everything slipping
tearing through the dark,
sharp screams cutting through,
hands clawing for the blade,
no pause, no thought,
just ache, just hunger
a flash —
the cuts came swift,
red blooming beneath skin,
in smooth, soft lines,
then the fall,
the flow and the drip
fingers wet with sorrow,
tongue tasting iron prayers,
smearing grief
across closed lips,
quiet, feral
wrap the arm,
but still it seeps,
slow,
steady,
seeping, seeping,
until the breaking,
until the flood,
and i disappear beneath it.
May 4, 2025
May 4, 2025 at 5:47 AM UTC
i miss bleeding
i miss the thin red lines
i miss the sting under water
i miss the comfort the blade brought
i miss the hurt
i miss the blood
i miss…
feeling justified
the pain i went through and the pain im in now means nothing
because i dont have any more red lines
just white ones
even when they were red
they werent deep enough
werent good enough
so im not worth it
i dont need that much help
im lazy
i need to try harder
other people have it worse
other peoples lines are worse
**** you
you make me miss the blood
everything that hurts makes me
miss the thin red lines
fifty at once
soothing cat scratches
little drops of blood
to feel better
but
i dont need help
i dont deserve help
is that what you all think?
that i dont try?
i try so hard
but its still not good enough
the days i need help
im not good enough
i need to be independent
im not allowed to ask for help
i hate you
i hate everyone
i hate everything
all i want is my red lines back
they may have not been good enough for you
but they were for me
so **** you
no one cares
ill get my blade
ill cut once
and feel the sting
its not so bad
so ill do it again
and again
and again
and thirty more times
and ill feel that good sting
see the pretty blood
and ill feel better
ill be better
ill be worth the help
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025 at 4:39 PM UTC
im livid, writhing with rage
my head is jumbled and aching
no pills, no sleep—i am devoured
because i give and give and give
and they take and rip and shred
rip the flesh, rip the bone
take the arteries
from my heart
steal my blood, flee away
im drowning, im burning
my head is slipping, fracturing
hands clawing at my throat
water like fire takes my air
i can’t breathe, i can’t rest
and my lungs burn
before they’re taken too
my limbs contort, twist, then crack
i try to carve my way out
but im buried deep
tendrils coiled, unbreaking
raging, writhing, war in my head
i feel the lumps press against my skull
i crave to dig them out
my hands grip my hair
nails sinking in
but i fail
sinking deeper, heavy limbs
lungs rupture, body thrashes
the current pulls, the dark consumes
in the end
im wailing in water
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 11:29 PM UTC
When I'm left to myself
My wrists tingle
And I vividly see what it would like like
To scratch and scratch,
until blood flowed like a river
To pry my nails from my body,
with a squelching sound
To pull my teeth with pliers,
feeling the roots' empty place
To stab pencils into my thighs,
and leave them in the contracting muscles
To pour acid down my back,
and feel it burning and bubbling and the tissues peeling off
To scoop out my eyes,
and finally be blind to the world,
with crimson tears running down my face
Dec 1, 2021
Dec 1, 2021 at 2:25 PM UTC
Graphic
The words you say slash down
To my bones
Knowing now that all of it was a lie.
I'll never leave
You'll never lose me
I can't lose you
Lies.
Each memory sharpens the knife edge before it comes down, tearing flesh from my body. Letting a ****** waterfall of memory cascade from my life.
Every moment.
Good or bad.
A new weapon for my own mind to use against my spirit, carving away all the joy that had rebuilt.
I wonder.
How are we to come back together from this?
After all the love, passion and meaning....
Lover to friends seems empty.
Flimsy.
Leaving my soul a hollow tree burned out in a fire that can't be banished but is somehow gone.
The questions in my heart beat through the day and night.
Rhythmically.
A constant reminder that this torment will never end.
Jan 21, 2021
Jan 21, 2021 at 7:47 AM UTC
i look at you and
my heart begins to flutter wildly
creating a certain heat inside of me, beneath my skin
my heart swells and swells
until it bursts, ripping my chest open and spraying my guts
against the surrounding walls in a thin layer of glittering entrails
a masterpiece of carnage and gore
practically glistening in the morning sunlight
so dazzling, i barely even notice the smell of my sizzling flesh
as the golden sun rays rain down on my ruptured organs,
transforming them into a puddle of bubbling crimson brew
my legs turn numb and i collapse to the floor
in a pile of bones and blood
oh how you make me MELT .
Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020 at 6:03 PM UTC
Who knows why you finally did it?
The pain of living felt worse than death.
So decisive and certain you were.
A gun's swift act took your last breath.
I hope you have peace in the life beyond.
So young yet your pain had grown too great.
Did you not know there's still so much hope?
Could no one soothe the wounds in your heart?
Now I work to keep your body alive.
Your soul has long left its source of pain.
I watch your parents sit and weep,
Crying to have their child back again.
Would you have done it if you knew what came after?
For your family, the picture will always stay fresh.
Your face unrecognizable to those who knew you.
Your skull a mutilated mass of flesh.
Yet still there is hope at the end of this nightmare.
Others may find life through your demise.
Each ***** a lifeline for a soul in the balance.
But that does not comfort your parent's cries.
Do I sob in grief or rejoice in new life?
As I continue to keep a body working.
I feel the weight of the duty I carry.
The guardian of both the end and beginning.
I wish you and your family all comfort and peace.
I go home and leave the work behind.
But I could never forget what I saw in these days.
The sights and smells have their place in my mind.
Sep 25, 2020
Sep 25, 2020 at 11:07 PM UTC
If you've never been molested
If you think it's no big deal
If you think it's the victims fault
If you think we're just attention seekers
Just know this
I've been dead since I was a child
I can't recall who I was
Or who I ever will be
I can't feel anything
I'm completely empty
I see shadows
Of monsters and demons
I pray to a god I may not believe in
I can't trust anyone
Not even my own family
I block out my memories
Only to bleed through my dreams
I can't breathe if someone touches me
I'm shaking endlessly
I'm unable to love
I can't be loved
It was taken from me
When their hand went into me
I was broken
By a man who got sympathy
Where's my sympathy?
Where's my healing
Where's my it's not your fault
They gave it to him
Let him sin
With a grin
While I'm here
Sinking
Into darkness
I only let monsters hold me
I'm afraid of the light
I'm disgusting and it's always my fault
How everything went wrong
I'm so sorry
That you're disgusting disgrace
Touched my innocent face
Forced me into a shadow
Peeled my skin from me
Shed me into insanity
I looked so cute in my bathing suit huh
And noone ever came
They never stopped it
Always ignored
Always devoured
So please understand
I will never heal
I will never deal
And I will continue to peal
Until my body dies
Along with my soul
May 16, 2020
May 16, 2020 at 4:54 PM UTC
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nC5TBv3sfU&list=PLbM5LMVZad0auV3U04qAPFrG5QBhwpW5O&index=1
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 12:36 AM UTC
If I plunge a knife in my heart
And wake up again
Will I see a new life?
Will I see a new me?
Oh no, but I'm very empty inside
The knife would just
Find its way out free
Jan 9, 2020
Jan 9, 2020 at 11:15 AM UTC
I built a prison
And so often it changes colour
Through its window
You can see the world
So ugly and so vain
You could hold the bars
And stare outside
Yearning for a taste
Of the gloom and pain
But you're bound
With shackles made of silence
From which you cannot recover
It's a lonely place,
This dreary prison
And your mind will turn
Into a foe
Your bones will grow weary
And you'll always be cynical
Your nails will drag down the walls
And the pounding will never stop
Thump-thump, thump-thump
It will pulse through the ground
The torn walls
And flaying tendons
Will flood you with their ichor
You'll want to move,
To make it stop
Stop the life from spilling
But you can't,
You'll lay on the ground
Letting my heart
Take you prisoner
Nov 14, 2019
Nov 14, 2019 at 10:19 AM UTC
You were so close to me.
Every heart beat pumped you closer to me.
But you were just poison being injected in.
I tore my heart out before it could beat again.
We stretched the horizon,
Our pallet decorated the sky,
For one sweet moment it was just you and I.
Your sunshine kissed my closed eye lids.
Even when they were closed you still managed to seep through,
I couldn’t escape the image of you.
But you set in that sun,
And never rose again.
You took the warmth with you,
After all you put me through.
It is painful to feel you.
What was once petals is now thorns.
Bleeding me from every pour,
But you don’t seem to care at all.
You handed me a revolver,
And urged me to pull the trigger.
It was hard for me to tense my finger,
But you convinced me that this was for the better.
Aug 14, 2019
Aug 14, 2019 at 7:36 PM UTC
Never ask a poet what they think
about the things that matter.
They will not give a definite answer
for their hearts tend to ache
somewhat too severely
and even then some things
are better left unsaid
unfinished
in a black and white world
where any shade of grey is a crime
somewhere over the rainbow
in a place where it is the safest
to not be there at all
or else you are certainly the one to blame
even if the lace is buried deep within
your overwhelming guilt and shame
hidden under all the what ifs and pleats
and somewhere deeper yet
there is the quietest of voices
too afraid to speak of the bruises
left on the inside of her thighs
and within her heart
the voice of reason that tells you
please don’t walk down that alley
keep your friends close
and the keys in your hand closer
keep your head up high
and your hopes down low
or whatever else makes sense
in this dog eat dog world
where everything you will ever know
will be shredded and recycled
oh, if only
to be crushed into a pulp
and spoon-fed to another generation
diluted with careful consideration
into a day-in day-out nine to five
not even a cog in the machine
a ***** at best
and you will be *******
tightened up more and more
until you can’t hold it together
and whatever it takes
falls apart into pieces
broken glass on the asphalt
a hole in the wall
that sinking feeling
where a soul should be
but the angels don’t visit anymore
or answer our prayers
the line is always busy
there is always something else
something more important
a bullet in the bible
escalating into emergency
but who is out there for the unarmed boy
dying on the sidewalk
misjudged for the colour of his skin
who is out there to stop the hand of a father
suspended in mid-air
with the children cowering at his feet
who is out there for the American dream
turning into a global nightmare
who can tell the pending future
staring down the barrel of the gun
wondering which side you should be on
and what of that which you call freedom
only to trade it for martyrdom
what of candour and justice
and their antonymous nature
what of the artists and the poets
and everyone else that took a shot
but didn’t even come close
living in a daydream
playing from the same broken record
telling us that there is meaning
and there is worth in the things we do
except that from time to time
the needle would skip
distorting the vision
and at times like these
it’s the easiest to look away
for every scratch on the surface of reality
encourages you simply to
pull the trigger
No.
I will not, I refuse
to let this get the best of me.
The pen is a blade. I slit my wrist
and pour my heart out onto the page
instead. This is a sacrifice
I am willing to make.
I will tear myself apart
on my own terms.
If I cannot do it myself,
who else will?
Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 11:28 AM UTC
Can we go back to paper planes, and the sun’s rays,
Making out, and writing essays,
The world is so simple, or at least it can be,
Baby, just set me free…
Last night, i earnestly cried, was the first time in a long time, a knife didn’t breach my skin,
And i began to think about everything I had to lose, but yet still so much to win.
I thought of the girl, who had so easily stolen my heart,
And then piece by piece, ripped it slowly apart.
Now, I’m not exactly known, for being studious and smart.
But I’m fully aware of when I’m being lied to, from the start.
What secrets, do you hide?
Love potion, or cyanide.
It's clear for me to see, you just were not meant for me,
Whenever I’m in pain, you enjoy with such glee.
And now my heart's in pieces, all but shattered,
I’m deaf to all noise, accepting your laughter…
And we start again, all over,
I begin to lose composure…
And I, am so afraid of dying,
Spent, an eternity crying.
Need some inspiration, maybe i should talk to God.
Why didn’t he forewarn me of your facade.
So who gives a **** about you and me?
At the end of the day, i just want to be free.
Using my hands to shovel through this infinite darkness.
Spent days trying to think of a word to rhyme with darkness, but all i could think about, was love!
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 8:51 AM UTC