#gran
'Put my ice cream in the oven.'
'Apply some lipstick.'
'Stop winning and criticising.'
'I understand everything just fine thank you.'
But she laughs at her own jokes, she misunderstands mostly, she is loved by me.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 7:54 PM UTC
I was sitting on the edge of your hospital bed,
thinking about my mother, your daughter,
and whether the smile she was masking the pain with would falter;
when the jagged rhythm of your breath had altered
I jumped to my feet, and let my mother take my place
as we listened to gasps of breath change the pace.
The nurse said it was normal that you couldn't feel any pain
but it was the sound of your death that I was scared we'd retain
I stood in the corner watching my uncle and mother create a wall with their figures,
as if them looking away would put a hand on the trigger
After 10 minutes your breathing got quiet, so quiet we thought you were gone
Then with the whoosh of your lungs, louder than before, it was like you were saying "so long!"
The silence replaced it, I still stood in the corner and noticed that no one had moved,
As if a moment so final needed it's minute to say goodbye to the body it used.
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 7:28 PM UTC
When you were a form upon the image of
my reflections, I never looked into the mirror
seeing what was fading within the moments of
your fluttering wings silent in the breeze/
I held that last moment like a breath never
wanting to expel the words of what were
needed. I could not sew then on a memory,
as they were already fraying on the sides.
She was but a sunrise a beauty that would
have shined upon you, lighting up those
precious moments before you were like
a sunset never to rise again.
She misses you mum.
Nanny she knows your gone...
Jul 4, 2017
Jul 4, 2017 at 6:12 PM UTC
Janice folds
the paper
as Benny
had shown her
it becomes
a small boat
she could float
in the bath
in the flat
if her gran
allows her
to float it
in water
for bathing
she holds it
between thumb
and fingers
put that down
her gran says
get undressed
for your bath
the water
is just right
(she had boiled
the water
in the old
steel copper)
Janice puts
the paper
made-up boat
on the side
of the bath
and watches
as she slow
undresses
come along
her gran says
don't day dream
or I'll slap
your backside
8 years old
or older
Janice takes
off clothes
and gets in
the water
can I float
my paper
made-up boat
in the bath
Janice says
if you must
her gran says
steely eyed
that Benny's
contraption
I suppose
he showed me
Janice says
how to make
the small boat
as they both
(Janice and Gran)
watch it float.
Jul 24, 2016
Jul 24, 2016 at 1:39 AM UTC
To my gran who I have just seen
Who is old
and can't remember things
Who is kind
and asks me the same questions
Who lies in bed
and drinks tea
Who has bought up
four children
And has seven
grand children
And seven
great grandchildren
It was so lovely
to see you.
We had a good chat;
You asked me
where I was going next
about a hundred times
And I loved answering
every time.
Australia.
We drank tea
And looked at photos.
I bought you a soft toy
And you liked him
"A sweet little fellow"
You said
"It's a shame He doesn't squeak"
You said
Squeezing him.
And you put him on your lap
While I showed you photos
Of your great grandson
And we laughed
About things.
When I left
we caught eyes
I said "bless you"
And bowed to you.
You said "take care of yourself"
And I saw you
And you saw me
And that is where we met.
In the eyes
And in the soul.
That is what I came for
What I hoped for
That moment
When we met.
I took your hand
And said
"it's been lovely to see you"
And then I left
Wanting To say more
Wanting to say thank you for everything
Thank you for knitting me the duck
When I was a boy
Thank you for being a pillar
In my life
That even though
I havn't seen you much
You've been so important
To me.
Just knowing you were there
Family.
Has helped me
To be strong.
I wanted to stay
and say goodbye
Just in case...
But I didn't
I got you a blanket
Because you looked cold
And I left
Because Stuart was waiting
In the car park
And I had a train to catch.
And I was worried it might disorientated you
Because we had had a lovely time together.
And I wanted to leave you happy.
I looked back
Through the ward window
D8
And you looked
so alone
And now I'm on the train
To Liverpool street
And I miss you
I think of you
Lying there
And I want to sit by you
And show you more pictures
And get you tea
And make sure your warm
And look after you
Because your so frail
And vulnerable
And I feel sad
Because
Well...grief!
The tragedy of life,
That we must part
From everyone.
But I'm happy too
Because
My bones
feel full
And my heart
feels Warm
And I feel my right
To stand up on this earth.
With a warm heart
And wet cheeks
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 2:31 PM UTC
Waiting on. The train to see you
Bored, **** coffee and a bacon roll
There is something hollow. Empty.
Like the Starbucks take out mug.
Of course I loved you, love you.
But we lived so far away.
Sweden, Ireland, Switzerland
And then when we were close
I was at my uninterested awkward years
When you don't want to visit your Gran
Now I see this precious woman
Whom I have not often seen.
She is old, frail, and may not know me
I am a man with a life and business.
Where do we connect?
In the bones? In the skin or in the eyes?
I'll show you photos, I hope you will be interested.
What do you say to an old woman
Who you barely know,
but has played a key role in your existence?
Who you feel a connection to like the seabed between two islands.
But you know precious little about.
Eileen, yes that is your name.
You used to like Black Magic chocolates,
But apparently you don't these days.
Your hip is broken
But hopefully getting better.
And you knitted me a duck when I was small.
I was the youngest, thats why. People said.
You were my Nannie, my precious Gran
And I have come to give you some love and pay some respect.
Feb 7, 2016
Feb 7, 2016 at 9:41 AM UTC
Gran said I can go out,
said Janice, but not to go
on the bomb sites(I probably
will if Benny says so),
not to speak to strangers
(I won't), not to play
dangerous games(I may
if Benny has his bow
and arrows and he lets
me have ago), not to
show my knickers to boys
(I never would), not to eat
between meals( I may if
Benny buys me some chips
or a Mars bar), Gran waves
to me from the balcony,
her white handkerchief blowing
in the wind, don't be late home,
she says, I won't I say, and go
to meet Benny at the end
of Bath Terrace and see what
he is doing, Gran has gone
inside now, her words I don't
forget : You're only 8 years old,
ringing in my ears, as I go out
onto Bath Terrace and see
Benny at the end waving, he
has a cowboy hat on and his
rifle in his hand, where we going?
I say, the bomb site by the tabernacle,
it can be our Wild West,he says,
ok, I say, trying to forget Gran's
commands about bomb sites,
hoping she won't ask where
I’ve been, I cannot lie, taking
a chance, can I have ago with
your rifle? I ask sure you can,
Benny says, so we walk along
Rockingham Street, under the
railway bridge, a steam train
passing overhead, steam grey
and white puffing out and away,
another adventure, another day.
Dec 14, 2015
Dec 14, 2015 at 2:48 PM UTC
Aaron: "Hi, I'm Aaron and I'm a (recovering) misogynist"
All: "Hi Aaron. Welcome!"
Aaron: "I wonder how much longer we can **** and pillage the feminine with a clear conscience?"
All: "Who has a clear conscience?"
Crowd: A few raise their hands . . . more than you would think . . .
Gestapo for Good: Furiously taking notes . . .
Aaron: "I don't know what you're gonna do about it, I don't even know what I'm gonna do about it . . ."
All: "You don't need to know, just don't shut out that feeling"
Aaron: "I'll do my best"
All: "Then you are"
Aaron sits down
Bill stands up
Bill: "Hey, hey, hey I'm Fat Albert" (in a sad clown voice)
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC