#godhelpme
Will there be a night with no crying?
I’m trying to hear the meaning of this all
But every time I’m close to the end
The beginning starts over again
Winding roads of questioned intention
Leading me away from any safe place
Daybreak to sundown I wander
Looking for truth
But even truth is longing for an answer
To the definition of this all
EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
What use is this now
What good comes from more rubble
You’ve tried me in fire, you’ve taken my heart
And I haven’t left your side
I’ll still abide through the trouble
Just make it stop!
Let me sleep! Let me rest!
I have given this my best
Yet still the test continues
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 1:36 AM UTC
Just as I am drifting off,
I hear your whining in my ear so soft,
Somewhere in my room, aloft.
Please kindly, **** off.
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 10:04 PM UTC
I am lost
I am tired
I have finally
lost the fire
I am done of feeling so blue
I feel I have lost me
and I feel I have lost you
I wish that you could understand
How lost and tired I truly am
Oct 3, 2017
Oct 3, 2017 at 9:20 AM UTC
By nature, I am not a magnificent actor.
I mean, I try. My love of music and musical theatre does influence my acting ability. But even though I act in my videos for effect, or in a show for a laugh, I try to keep everything real.
Even though it's acting, I keep part of myself in my act, I stay present and honest. But that's not the kind of acting good at. Because right now I am fine. I work, I write, but to most of the world I am fine. Or at least I seem that way.
It's an act. And I am very good at playing the part. So good that I even fool myself. I forget I'm acting and just take my act as truth. Like I've always been like this. And it's terrifying to know this isn't me.
And this week I was doing well... until I wasn't.
I made it through a 6 hour workday, only to break down crying in my car just after the day ended. I didn't even expect to break until I just... did.
And losing the fifth is a pain I haven't really experienced. And now that the reality is setting in, I can't take it. I act like it. But hey, I can be a good actor when I want to be. So yeah, I am not okay.
But what can I do? It is not as easy as people say it is. At least, not for me. I can't explain it, I just don't speak up, and I shy away from getting better.
I don't say the right things, and people change, they move on, they let go.
And I... can't.
It's bordering on obsessive, making me seem crazy and unstable. I can't seem to pick myself up and let go. I mean, I don't want to. Too much good outweighs the bad for me to just give in. Or give up.
Or just... go.
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 6:39 PM UTC
is where all the ropes swing free
from the willow branches
with no inhabitants to wish them
a steady tugging downwards into
the grass and magma flowing below
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 9:32 PM UTC