#gettingattached
grey skies, the same daily routines
feeling numb most days
like a tree collapsing after a storm
stable on the outside
but broken inside
thus impossible for people to see
sleepless nights
late night texts
my brain like a carousel
never ending thoughts
getting to know someone
already thinking of not being enough
seen messages
waiting to be replied
well, darling you feel
waiting, knowing its useless
well aware you don't define me
my worth is out of your reach
Apr 6, 2021
Apr 6, 2021 at 5:07 PM UTC
As I sit and spread out what you spoke for the hundredth time,
I realize that I was not ready for this
For a once-off fling
And it's not the *** that ******* me over,
It's all the days spent laughing and listening to your stories,
Doing broke things and having unplanned sleep overs,
Watching movies while you play with my hair,
Having morning smokes and coffee while people-watching on the veranda.
I invested so much time
And effort
And I cared,
I still do
I've become used to you.
And I had hope
That you would eventually see me in the same light as I you,
That you would notice me in the way I notice every interesting detail about you.
But you wanted a fling
And I agreed.
And now I'm sad
Because I will probably wait for you to be ready
Knowing the time will never come.
And I cannot begin to fathom the ache I'll have when I have to see you with someone else, someone more interesting,
More open to new things.
And I'm angry that I told myself that, maybe just this once,
I should open myself up
And try to put myself out there despite the fear of getting hurt.
I am not ready to let you go,
But I need to protect myself
And I will mourn this loss
Because you are everything and so much more.
Jun 25, 2019
Jun 25, 2019 at 4:55 PM UTC