#funnypoetry - Hello Poetry

Does this poem have *** appeal? Oh don’t you know it. It’s got green eyes, dark hair, and a jawline that’s stoic. It’s thickly bearded, and has a good dress sense, audaciously flirtatious, and knows self-defence. This poem’s got thick muscly arms which look good holding babies, and skilful, strong hands which look soft for the ladies. This poem smells good even after the gym, with a gorgeous deep voice and gorgeous smooth skin. It wears tight jeans which show off its dic– tion is good, so you can hear what it’s saying. But this poem has a boyfriend— I know, how dismaying.

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Jun 6, 2020

Jun 6, 2020 at 10:14 AM UTC

Toyli

*** Appeal

Does this poem have *** appeal? Oh don’t you know it. It’s got green eyes, dark hair, and a jawline that’s stoic. It’s thickly bearded, and has a good dress sense, audaciously flirtatious, and knows self-defence. This poem’s got thick muscly arms which look good holding babies, and skilful, strong hands which look soft for the ladies. This poem smells good even after the gym, with a gorgeous deep voice and gorgeous smooth skin. It wears tight jeans which show off its dic– tion is good, so you can hear what it’s saying. But this poem has a boyfriend— I know, how dismaying.

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Beneath the surface, Russell had always felt worthless. When finally he gave up his search for purpose, he bought, lit, and chucked himself in a furnace.

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May 18, 2020

May 18, 2020 at 3:00 PM UTC

Toyli

Soul Search

Beneath the surface, Russell had always felt worthless. When finally he gave up his search for purpose, he bought, lit, and chucked himself in a furnace.

6

Someone new came along and came along and came and came and came and then it fizzled out like a dodgy firework. Shame really.

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Jun 6, 2020

Jun 6, 2020 at 10:19 AM UTC

Toyli

Someone New

Someone new came along and came along and came and came and came and then it fizzled out like a dodgy firework. Shame really.

7

William and Wilhelmina smashed their necks together like big, dumb giraffes. It was hot, like the Sahara and her mascara ran. He sweated right out of his ****** They rutted and nutted, then drank from each other’s watering holes.

0

Sep 7, 2020

Sep 7, 2020 at 4:50 PM UTC

Toyli

Wildlife

William and Wilhelmina smashed their necks together like big, dumb giraffes. It was hot, like the Sahara and her mascara ran. He sweated right out of his ****** They rutted and nutted, then drank from each other’s watering holes.

10

I’d drive down winding mountain roads in the dead of night. I’d take an underwater cruise in a sub that’s not airtight. I’d be a beekeeper for a while but never wear a suit. I’d listen to a nine-year-old, try to play the flute. I’d watch the emoji movie in a room with all my exes. I’d catch a flight to Idaho and ******* hop to Texas. I hope you never see this list 'cus it consists of stuff I’d do to give myself some time alone or just away from you.

0

May 18, 2020

May 18, 2020 at 3:07 PM UTC

Toyli

Space

I’d drive down winding mountain roads in the dead of night. I’d take an underwater cruise in a sub that’s not airtight. I’d be a beekeeper for a while but never wear a suit. I’d listen to a nine-year-old, try to play the flute. I’d watch the emoji movie in a room with all my exes. I’d catch a flight to Idaho and ******* hop to Texas. I hope you never see this list 'cus it consists of stuff I’d do to give myself some time alone or just away from you.

16

He gave her ****** a battering, her stomach a splattering, then left, how flattering.

0

May 19, 2020

May 19, 2020 at 2:03 PM UTC

Toyli

Hammered

He gave her ****** a battering, her stomach a splattering, then left, how flattering.

4

He threw her down to **** her good. He aimed to give her all he could. He pinned her legs above her head. He ****** so hard it rocked the bed. He pulled her up and flipped her over. He climbed back on, kicked off his loafers. He yanked her hair a bit too hard. And she revoked his library card.

0

May 18, 2020

May 18, 2020 at 2:57 PM UTC

Toyli

Tad Too Much

He threw her down to **** her good. He aimed to give her all he could. He pinned her legs above her head. He ****** so hard it rocked the bed. He pulled her up and flipped her over. He climbed back on, kicked off his loafers. He yanked her hair a bit too hard. And she revoked his library card.

16

English, you sneaky little monster. I’ve spoken you all my life, and yet… Lead—heavy or guiding? Read—past or present? Bow—bend or parade? Row—line or fight? Tear—crying or ripping? Wind—blow or twist? Lie—nap or fib? Saw—tool or past tense of see? Left—gone or a direction? Bear—animal or carry it? Bat—swing or fly upside down? Spring—coil, season, leap? Can—ability or tin of beans? Match—fire starter or romantic compatibility? Jam—fruit or traffic? Trip—stumble or vacation? Train—practice or locomotive? Duck—animal or avoid something? Leaves—trees or people leaving? Watch—look or wrist accessory? Well—water or feeling okay? Strike—hit or protest? Homophones and traps: There, their, they’re—eternal shame. Your, you’re—grammar police incoming. Its, it’s—oh no. To, too, two—choose wrong and perish. Here, hear—wait, what? Buy, by, bye—money, near, farewell? Peace, piece—I want both. Principal, principle—who runs the school and what’s the rule? Stationary, stationery—are they still or am I writing letters? Spelling, pronunciation, and exceptions: Colonel pronounced kernel Island—silent “s,” because why not? Through, though, tough, thought, thorough, threw—six letters, six ways to confuse me. Idioms and phrasal verbs: “Kick the bucket,” “spill the beans,” “bite the bullet,” “Break a leg,” “pull someone’s leg,” “Under the weather,” “over the moon,” “What the hell,” “I could care less”—no, you couldn’t. Grammar rules that change every day: Who vs. whom—PhD required. Fewer vs. less—please help me. Which vs. that—what even is that? I run, I ran, I have run, I had run—but tomorrow, I will ran? Wrong! And punctuation! Let’s eat, Grandma! vs Let’s eat Grandma! One comma saves a life. The other… dinner. English, you are a Frankenstein of words: borrowed from French, Latin, Greek, German… a patchwork quilt of meaning, spelling, and chaos. You break brains, twist tongues, make native speakers cry, scream, and laugh all at once. And yet… I speak you. I trip on you. I sigh at you. I love you anyway. Because English, you’re maddening, glorious, impossible, and I’m addicted.

0

Mar 4

Mar 4, 2026 at 12:18 AM UTC

Anonymous_Flame

English, You Endless Trickster

English, you sneaky little monster. I’ve spoken you all my life, and yet… Lead—heavy or guiding? Read—past or present? Bow—bend or parade? Row—line or fight? Tear—crying or ripping? Wind—blow or twist? Lie—nap or fib? Saw—tool or past tense of see? Left—gone or a direction? Bear—animal or carry it? Bat—swing or fly upside down? Spring—coil, season, leap? Can—ability or tin of beans? Match—fire starter or romantic compatibility? Jam—fruit or traffic? Trip—stumble or vacation? Train—practice or locomotive? Duck—animal or avoid something? Leaves—trees or people leaving? Watch—look or wrist accessory? Well—water or feeling okay? Strike—hit or protest? Homophones and traps: There, their, they’re—eternal shame. Your, you’re—grammar police incoming. Its, it’s—oh no. To, too, two—choose wrong and perish. Here, hear—wait, what? Buy, by, bye—money, near, farewell? Peace, piece—I want both. Principal, principle—who runs the school and what’s the rule? Stationary, stationery—are they still or am I writing letters? Spelling, pronunciation, and exceptions: Colonel pronounced kernel Island—silent “s,” because why not? Through, though, tough, thought, thorough, threw—six letters, six ways to confuse me. Idioms and phrasal verbs: “Kick the bucket,” “spill the beans,” “bite the bullet,” “Break a leg,” “pull someone’s leg,” “Under the weather,” “over the moon,” “What the hell,” “I could care less”—no, you couldn’t. Grammar rules that change every day: Who vs. whom—PhD required. Fewer vs. less—please help me. Which vs. that—what even is that? I run, I ran, I have run, I had run—but tomorrow, I will ran? Wrong! And punctuation! Let’s eat, Grandma! vs Let’s eat Grandma! One comma saves a life. The other… dinner. English, you are a Frankenstein of words: borrowed from French, Latin, Greek, German… a patchwork quilt of meaning, spelling, and chaos. You break brains, twist tongues, make native speakers cry, scream, and laugh all at once. And yet… I speak you. I trip on you. I sigh at you. I love you anyway. Because English, you’re maddening, glorious, impossible, and I’m addicted.

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