#fullcircle
Aetreus Forgiven
What did I dream about when the author crooned his plan?
And constants much less seemed, than now known a sham.
Long ago, we walked, seeing if the sign would take root
As wind ruffled and children balked, at woods yet learned, and signal soot
Little did we see overgrown on either side, each winding road
Sending one high the other low
You walked high while I defaulted,
Only I said goodbye, wishing to never know
Many shared greetings along the way, usury and disregard
Fearing not seeing, in hearts utter disembark
Thus began a heart bleeding, from soul’s passing unrequitedly
A road lowly travelled and tightly squeezing, unfit for higher purposes,
- and unrelenting
And soon the shadow’s berth, grew darker amid the rising tide
Hidden in mirth, and enemy pushed friend aside
Nature's choice began its ebb and flow, though the cosmos retained its level
Pain dispelled by anger, and no place to go, so Satan stayed to revel
I clenched my teeth, fist and eyes, happy with roads I'll never know,
long in silence to sit and devise, unending joy to see you go
Stars align without knowledge boon, ghostly sigh for lovers scorn
Of paths divided so soon, in hopes of a child's eye, to be reborn
________________________________________________________
Far off I was, engaged in guessing,
all the while thinking I was stressing
All that was spoken to see
From the heavenly bodies through birds that sing
To me
And soon or later, it was thought
Amid the distant crater sought
To keep safe my soul, I paid and bought -
When beneath the trees I chose to walk
When run dry a river of faces left in uproar
Here up high did my spirit soar
And there in love’s secret embrace
I found shadow of passion I might chase
Soon begat from faces three
A song a rhythm so set me free
And the race for change I did pursue
But a deeper pain it did imbue
All heart was made feel for better
Yet this keys now found, no place for hateful fetter
And trees still grew to broaden the shade
In the cool - deeper farewell I bade
Many false paths, detours that shook
Let not break my step upon a road I first took
But Sharpen and enhance it did
For an endeavor I long have bid
Long alone I sit, long ago I sat,
Deeply did my heart sing, not for this or that
Which I walked, shaded along this path
Once bothered by delay, and set to wrath
Slowly the shade reveals the breadth of the sun
Encouragement bade, enabled to run
And frightful joy at seeds once sown
- darker nights revealed a face my own
Here at last I feel at best
And reason herself may stop to rest
But how can one stop that's always in play
The nights true purpose revealed in the day
Most paths amid the tress
Point across from one to the next,
And day is won, with grit and might,
But day’s true worth is seen at night
Purpose found at the cost of perfection
Echoes in sleep of cosmic inception
The whispers speak of a distant shore
In a land of laughter I’ve come to abhor
She told me once and never again
At the well of the abyss in sands of sin
I begged and pleaded in desperate call
But I came too soon to bear the pall
She loved me still to send me back
raising up - beyond this I would not
Withstand the fall
And this beyond my path was clear
Knowledge boon could now be won
And above I rose, could choose to peer
Above the trees, clouds and sun
________________________________________________________
My charge renewed, though battered and bare
I Feel the breeze of debt repaid
And here a few - I must confess - slipped past my stare,
In autumn stayed
This star I thought was there to stay
For its decommission never made
Still I sought within the glade
No child balk, or chide or aide
There far beyond the shadows dim
No response, in earth or heaven
Echoed back to soul unleavened
While joy parades, Gray and grim
.
.
.
I see a road, it is revealed
As paths leveled, coming close
The fluctuations made even the road,
Enticing the hand of Cosmic repeal
I see a face I have long rested
In hatred and revile
through callus was met with smile
For things then hated - now time tested
The croon is evermore, for questing twists and turns
Passion’s comedy is flitting, free
Think not any of it was lost on me
In the moon i heard it call, to besting passions spurns
.
.
.
Passion takes many forms
Absence leads away
From road meant in all it’s sway
And dunks on waters full of scorn
And passion grew with hate imbued
Those forking paths foregone
outsending two from other’s song
And rations place for fate intrude
Here I count within the hour
Friends - twice over
No place to make amends -
An unlikely twist of sweet and sour
Love and hate both honest in this place
Words confusing mitigate
After hours growing late
And runner up may yet control the pace
A boy I was and hateful true
In comedy reality rings
Owing to the peasant like a king
Such passion were held in place of you
Now in this moments freezing
I wear pride with my grin
After all our paths uneasing
That I should welcome back a friend.
Nov 19, 2025
Nov 19, 2025 at 4:42 PM UTC
Winter gone
as Spring rains down
ushering in a change
in pouring of water, drown
snow now in exchange
Flowers bloom
in April's moon
bright and scented plumes
June awaits at Spring's green gates
the heat of Summer all
consumes
Giving way
there will come a day
when leaves no longer green
and Fall will decorate it's crown
with color, sunset themed
Full circle
Winter rushes in
a pirouette, on ice
northern winds soon begin
it all goes round
again
May 2, 2019
May 2, 2019 at 10:28 PM UTC
Omission is a flower tainted
but still blossoming.
The scent not as
fresh as legitimacy.
Not wilting though due to
compromised nourishment.
making up for flawed seeding's.
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 4:52 PM UTC
January: It had been three months since I saw you, spoke to you; but the pain was still there, still potent. I began numbing it with ***** and boys and anything I could to distract me from what had taken place. I didn't care about school or getting a job. I just simply wanted to forget.
February: You weren't the first thing on my mind anymore when I woke; though you always crossed it. Something always reminded me of you. A smell, a sound, a feeling. Your voice had faded and name no longer made me sick. But you were still there.
March: I slept with someone else. I finally found it in me to give myself to someone else. I just wanted there to be someone. I didn't want you to have that hold on me anymore. I went against everything I thought and believed and I slept with someone else. I wasn't in love. I wasn't even in like. It was a total stranger. Just someone who could make me feel something again.
April: I thought I was going to break when what was supposed to be our six month anniversary came about. But I didn't. I didn't even think about you. You had messaged me out of the blue, apologizing. Apologizing for everything you put me through, telling me how I didn't deserve it. It made me laugh. I knew you'd come crawling back, but I knew it wasn't genuine. You still only wanted one thing from me. I threw myself into my work.
May: I was so looking forward to graduating. To moving forward. To ridding myself of you. I met someone, someone I thought nothing of at the time. He was just another temporary boy. Little did I know I'd see him again.
June: I graduated. I was free. I felt free. So many people thought I wouldn't do it. You broke me. You broke me so badly. I was still trying to fix myself with ***** and gin. I worked, I drank, I repeated. I went out and tried new things, new people. You tried apologizing again, I laughed.
July: I met him again. He showed up and hung around. I was weary of him. I didn't trust him, because of you. I didn't want it to just repeat. I was so worried he was going to hurt me like you did. I told myself I wasn't going to date him. I wasn't going to fall for him. But the butterflies that filled me every time I saw him, thought different.
August: August was full of adventures, smiles, laughs, tears, love. I saw him everyday. I spent all of my time with him. He had my attention better than anyone else had. I was falling. Oh god was I falling.
September: The adventures continued. We went to the beach, the mountains, the lakes. Everything with him was passionate. Vivid. It's like he breathed life into my lungs. He made me feel alive. I was on top of the world with him. Loving him took courage and strength. He got it all.
October: I told him I was leaving. I was leaving what I called home. Oh I think I broke him. You should have heard the shift in his tone, how his eyes grew dimmer, the sliver of hope he had left faded away. I was leaving, but he never asked me to stay.
November: November saw a month of tears. I was gone. My love, my best friend, my soulmate was so incredibly far. Physically and emotionally. I have never felt so alone. I missed him. I wanted him. Sometimes I even think I needed him. He was everything to me. Oh how badly I wanted to come home to him. I promised him I would. He couldn't wait though, he couldn't wait for me to come back to him... so he distracted himself with her. That made me question everything.
December: Meeting him at the airport after six and a half weeks was riveting. I was a wreck. What if he didn't love me anymore? What if I couldn't look at him? What if his plans for me, us, had changed? What then? Oh, but being in his arms... I've never felt so calm. So at peace. He wiped my tears. Reassured me of my fears. I began to imagine life with him, in even greater detail than before. He paralyzes me in a way you never did. He sees the broken you left behind and holds the pieces together. He looks at the hurt you left in my eye and finds beauty in it. I swear he could see into my soul.
January: I left him again. I had to go back home. I left him. I don't feel right without him. He's my person. My best friend. My go to. Not having him here is like living without oxygen. It's impossible.
Jan 16, 2017
Jan 16, 2017 at 2:12 AM UTC
In My Sole
It was just a normal day that we happened to be together. Your hand in mine-us side by side, and then you broke away. You broke away to stare at something from far away so it wouldn't be self conscious of you peering into its soul. You stood there looking so intently at something I couldn't see. I couldn't see what you perceived for I couldn't believe that there was something you saw that I couldn't conceive. So I stopped...I smiled and I took a picture. I took this picture of you staring in the distance with this half acquired smile... a moment in time that I would be sure to keep with me forever. The moment penetrated my soul ever so deeply that I decided to keep the picture somewhere it could affect even the ground I walk on. I keep the picture in my sole... In the sole of my shoe so no matter where I go I'm walking with you.
Faded Photograph of a Photographer
In an old...
wallet
box
attic
was an old faded photograph of a photographer.
Meant to be...
left alone
put to rest
forgotten
it was since then brought back by nostalgia and the impossible life that was now to be lived without you.
You liked to be...
behind
smiling through
holding the camera
as you were the photographer but not this time, as you were the photographed...
In front of
smiling at
holding a pose
while I became the photographer, photographing you, the freshly captured photographer in the faded photograph.
In an old...
dream
heart
memory
you never faded but remained the still whole of a perfect silhouette.
The perfect photographer preserved in the perfectly faded photograph for...
love
life
forever.
The Imprint
I just stood there watching from feet away floating in a time that was once my own, and watching a moment form before me that I burned into my memory. I watched a much younger version of myself sitting with you in all of your perfect imperfections. I wanted to talk to you again, to hear your voice be directed toward me for one last time, but I knew that was something that I could not do for I had already had my moment. If I intervened everything could change, and I would be stealing away precious time from a younger me that would never be ready for anything shorter than forever with you. Instead, I kept my safe distance and watched as the two of you got up from our bench that we spent hours on talking or just sitting in silence. The look on his face-the look on my face was a priceless glance as the two of you walked with interlocked hands in a silence as perfect as a symphony. You then seemed to notice something out of the corner of your eye as you began to glance toward my direction. I drew back at first before remembering that I was not something that could be seen by you, but merely a ghost in time. You broke away from his hand and you continued toward where I floated, and you just stared right at me as if you could see me-as if you could feel me. With your half acquired smile I finally felt like I was home again, and I watched the younger version of me capture a perfect picture of you. With that I was once again in our old attic, holding that old photo, that was taken that old day, imprinting a forever timeless love. A love that would live on in my soul for...
love
life
forever.
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 3:35 AM UTC
sorry clings to a dark heart
take the wrong path, no restart
put it on the line, to have it all
my sorrow ushers in your pleasure
bewildering how you will never know
full circle for the things I've done to you
the dreams that will never fade to obscurity
we knew there was something wrong with me
wanting something that does exist any more
your pain forever heavy in my heart and my mind
every time I think I succeed, it bombards my mind
My absence has to be one of the best things you know
yet I know there is still a small fire inside
but inside it's just ember by this time
but surely the fire will never die
Mar 23, 2015
Mar 23, 2015 at 3:14 PM UTC