#frontpage
For a short band of the Earth,
day will drain out of the sky as if someone slowly dimmed a cosmic light switch. Streetlights may flicker on. Temperatures can drop by several degrees.
The Sun’s ghostly corona, that delicate white crown of plasma,
will blossom into view.
People who have seen totality
before say the world feels wrong
and deeply right at the same time.
*****
(sounds familiar! Right?)
Feb 5
Feb 5, 2026 at 2:10 PM UTC
I can't trust anymore.
It's okay- don't fuss.
Really, I'm fine.
I'm not upset about it.
The concept of trust has always-
Theory, been a loose concept.
Maybe it was never real in practice.
I mean let's be honest-
Theory always sounds better-
Practice is just...a bore to us.
This idea that you can behold
Someone's secrets in entirety and not-
Say a word?...
I know people crack eventually...
And why is it we,
As humans-
Think it acceptable that when
We are friends or companions no longer-
Those secrets are free game?
Trust is just your prop-
You play it.
Get bored of it.
Then throw it away like it was never useful in first place-
I don't trust anyone, anymore.
Flicking through my phone each morning
While I lay dead asleep next-
To you?
The one person I thought-
Might keep my secrets.
My trauma.
My aching to be seen as more than an add on to our relationship.
Do you remember the concert?-
The one in London with the flashing lights and the heavy metal band,
Safe, did I feel in your arms.
Trust I did exude.
You broke that within seconds-
Not even a hairs length of a warning-
You abandoned me.
You whispered all night up until the doors opening-
"I'll be right here..."
So where were you?-
When that man grabbed me and pulled me into the pit.
Where I was touched and mauled by too many hands-
You were ******* gone.
I took the train by myself while calling my friend in- a panic.
At least... I could still trust her.
Right?-
I could still trust...you- right?
Cassie?
You didn't answer that night.
You stopped answering the following nights.
Neither of you did...-
What were you doing?...
I had to call my mother.
Tears, A fountain- Actually,
Cascading down my face as I walked those littered streets
Alone.
While you were likely whispering sweet nothings-
Into the shell of her ear like an oath.
And you? Cassie?-
You melted under it.
So yeah-
I can't trust anymore.
**** the both of you.
Nov 11, 2025
Nov 11, 2025 at 6:39 PM UTC
TW: DV
When I was younger I used to try to decipher why my father made me feel like such an outsider, he was his happiest with me as an outlier separated by a barbed wire divider. He'd always say that I'm just a good liar, I say "no, I'm not" I am my father's least favorite daughter.
It was never a question if his blood flowed through my veins, he knew I was his, but still his disdain for me remained. He struggled to even find the desire to pick out my name. my mother says "during that time he felt a lot of shame and it was easier for him to hand you all the blame" but what baby has the strength to carry a man's shame with their ten tiny fingers and small frame? I wasn't even born yet and I was already losing at his game.
I mourn for the life I could've lived one where I viewed the man who gave me life, as a gift. I mourn for the way I as a child had a perpetually clenched fist. I mourn for the way he forced us to take his teachings like he was a revered pastor, shouting from a pulpit...
I mourn for the little boy he once was and how he couldn't help but tap on things and fidget, and how at nine he didn't know how to tell the teacher in English "I need my lunch ticket."
He couldn't stand how I began to defy and resist, a fire inside me he spent my whole life trying to keep from being lit. He didn't understand how at fourteen I already knew he'd never be a loving enough father for me to want to submit, the way a daughter should want to in a family that's tight knit.
He'd call me stupid and a coward but I realize now it's because he saw the strength and power that cascaded out of me like a gardenia tree blooming with flowers. The dominion he claimed over my life, it wasn't mine- it was "ours"- was immeasurable, reminding me I wasn't free, over and over again for hours.
He treated me like a creature that felt no pain
one that wasn't able to think for herself and didn't have a brain
he viewed me as an enemy that he needed to slay
I used to pray that maybe i'd live long enough to one day make my escape
Fifteen years old with three days worth of clothes shoved into a bag in the middle of a night in August, I fled
From all the horrors of this house and my childhood bed
From all the nights and mornings I was left unfed
From all the times he'd overpower me rather than being my father instead
There was a time when I saw him again
I was having breakfast as vile words were spoken to my mother so "don't talk to her like that" was said
he told me I wasn't brave enough to stand up and before a second thought could pass through my head
I rose to my feet to cross swords with my father, i don't even remember what I was eating, but I think it was toasted bread
I fearlessly looked into the eyes of this man and remembered how many times I had bled
and how even though that blood was scarlet, this time I was seeing bright red
"i'll just call the officials." startled he said
and he trembled as he pulled out his phone, like he had seen someone come back from the dead.
Years have passed and tears have fallen
and floated along in the wind with all the seeds and all the pollen
and planted were those seeds and with my tears were they watered
and I see now that my favorite person will always be
my father's least favorite daughter
Jun 18, 2025
Jun 18, 2025 at 7:44 PM UTC
I am not Papa’s princess,
Nor a prince’s princess.
I am a princess without a crown,
Without a sparkling gown.
No fairy tales define my name,
No royal blood, no fleeting fame.
I don’t need a kingdom or throne,
For I am a princess on my own.
No glass slippers, no golden ring;
I am a princess without a king.
I walk alone, no hand to hold,
For I am the one who makes me whole.
I am a princess without a knight;
I fight my battles, I own my fight.
My strength lies within me.
No footsteps to follow—I create my own destiny.
So call me not pari, frail or weak,
For I am strong and unique.
I am a princess, wild and free,
A queen of my world, no limits for me.
Jan 29, 2025
Jan 29, 2025 at 12:52 AM UTC
can you tell me with your lips how your eyes perceive me?
do you see me as an intricate basket with colorful beads?
done so by ancient hands so expertly weaved?
can you tell me the secrets of the soil that clasps the roots of the trees?
can you tell me all the names and whispers you hear in the breeze?
can you tell me how you always know the ice is thick enough to walk on after the winter's fourth freeze?
can you tell me how your eyes always know how to find me through a drunken crowd?
even through all the smoke from the hundreds of people creating this dust cloud
can you tell me how you always know when I'm saying things out loud?
even when the music is blaring
and the bartenders can't read the words people have mouthed
and say "sorry, if you want a drink you'll need to shout"
can you tell me why you smile when I lean out the window as you drive over and over again circling this roundabout?
Can you tell me how you've always known the tone of my breath and the song of my soul?
Can you tell me why somedays it feels like our first time meeting at a school dance back in the days of old?
Can you see us standing at the table with the snacks and the spiked fruit punch bowl?
Can you see me trying to catch the words of this song in whole? they're playing this new type of music, "have you heard it before? you ask me, they call it rock'n'roll"
Can you tell me you'll walk me home? hold my hand like it's the first time and forget I live just three houses past the big light pole?
Can we keep talking and maybe kiss at the end of this stroll?
"Can you tell me something about you?" I ask because knowing you deeper is a different type of beauty to behold
I smile as you tell me "I always loved when my aunt would make her thanksgiving broccoli and cheddar casserole"
Can you tell me how with you nothing feels like sin
even when your lips trace over every inch of my skin?
Can you tell me how you know to always lift my chin
to look you in the eyes even when the woes wear on me from where I've been?
Can you tell me how you felt about me when you watched me order a cocktail with my favorite gin?
but now Can I tell you how long I've I loved you? it's actually long before I even knew our time together would begin
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 27, 2024 at 9:46 AM UTC
Does reading my words make you feel things you wish you could alter?
I know you hate to know this but I've kept the truths of what you've all done watered
and yes on your side of the fence by your hands the roots were slaughtered
you all screamed my name with each of my innocent saplings you hacked and quartered
but that was only half of them, you all missed some in the corner, so now ladies and gentlemen ready yourselves for a tour to behold this tortured orchard
where the fruit rots and the fruit spoils
where the tree limbs twist and the tree limbs coil
where the ground has shards of glass and shrapnel in the soil
where the sun's so hot every drop of rain and dew begin to boil
liars and thieves
liars and thieves
the invaders who brought the plague that burned the leaves and replaced each of my succulent crops with piles and piles of thorny weeds
you all tried to force the fruit down my throat grown from your poisonous seeds
I realized now not everything that says it's human and has a heart bleeds
you guys who sniffed things through a cut straw that looked like powered chalk
you girls who'd give ***** looks and lift your hands to hide your lips as you talked
learn to keep my name out your mouth and to leave my page unstalked
cause if y'all can't stand me why do you stay looking at my posts from an account with an @ like a bot?
How does it feel? to know I remember the things you forgot
to know he's truly just my friend but has more fun with me than you even when you're giving him backshots
I laughed at you and found it really pathetic how you made your friend check my tiktoks
and honey... that natural deodorant doesn't work for you, even week old dead fish smell better at any fish mongers dock
The girl who had mice feet running over her children's silverware, your husband's a ***** and so are you if you're unaware
For fun you drink nyquil and it's not less ****** sipped out of earthenware
you used to say "I hate him this time of year, even the way he stupidly stares"
well this is the rest of your life honey, aren't you scared? and also if no one's told you please stop cutting your kids hair
And the ex I spoke to last November, I asked if you were excited to marry her, do you remember? well you left me shocked when your answer wasn't yes because with her in life you want to forever venture, my jaw dropped when the only thing you said you were excited for was being a child's predecessor and I hope you know one of my life's biggest treasures is knowing it wont be my precious blood that's shed to give you a successor. Oh, and your wife knows we talked, right? You did happen to tell her?
Either I've added to the lore or I've been talking to a wall, either way- you all make sure you come back to visit and take another tour of the tortured orchard next fall.
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 27, 2024 at 9:46 AM UTC
I open this door in front of me
it opens to the room I had when I was four maybe three
the walls are painted lilac and I count the beds in the room
one,
two,
three
for me and my two older sisters their names are Rachel and Brittany
I hear a giggle and look down
it's me as a little girl and oh my god that's right, my hair was a lighter shade of brown
she has on her princess sleeping gown and tells me "Here, follow me, I'll show you around, it's nighttime now or I'd ask mommy if we could go to the playground"
we're playing with her toys and she tells me "you look sorta familiar" I smile and ask her "do you think we look kinda similar?" I see her eyes moving and her brain searching her mind's perimeter she says "a little, can you tell me your name? I'm a good listener"
"I'm you from a time yet to come" I say sweetly just above a whisper, she climbs into my arms and on her forehead I kiss her
I tell her all the wonders she will see, who not to trust and all the amazing people she will meet, I tell her that some things never change; like how we still love to walk in our bare feet and how people still tell us "no one I've ever met before has been this sweet" I tell her there will be things you feel are left unsaid and incomplete and there will be times where you're biggest strength is to know when to retreat, and oh... you're going to fall deeply in love with a man, he's a musician and both his heart and drum play to their own beat, she sings with excitement "I cant wait to be older!! I've always wondered what kind of girl I'll be!!!" I look at her lovingly "you will grow into your power and strength- you are the rarest pearl from the sea- your life will be an amazing one, I love you and it's time for me to leave, but know I'm so proud of all the things you will achieve, your life will flourish sweet girl, you're in for such a treat"
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 27, 2024 at 9:47 AM UTC
Sometimes I lack feeling
I see a memory in my head and say "sadness and I were never friends"
but the truth is
Sadness and I were lovers
Tangled in sheets together
Sadness and I had pillow talk and night time kisses
Sadness knew every inch of my body
Sadness knew how to stick around
Sadness had a way of saying my name so sweet
but Sadness doesn't really touch me now... or not how it used to... Sadness seems far away like an estranged lover leaving at the end of august
Sadness feels like it's behind a piece of glass either as painting held behind a museum display case
or
as the figure I see through the local coffee shop window
Sadness doesn't sink into bed with me anymore already undressed Sadness doesn't look deeply into my eyes and say "I'm yours forever anymore"
Sadness doesn't touch my skin and melt into me anymore
Sadness doesn't send me perfumed love letters with personalized stationary anymore
Sadness and I don't speak much anymore
So yes sadness and I were lovers
but were sadness and I ever really friends?
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 27, 2024 at 10:15 AM UTC
a cigarette tastes good after this drink, but I know at some point through the night I’m going to look at myself as tears fall in the bathroom sink.
Apr 6, 2024
Apr 6, 2024 at 5:00 PM UTC
I was born in the summer and love watching the clouds move with the night time breeze
I am the youngest of four girls and when I was 13 my older sister left my eyebrows over tweezed
It was the night of my 8th grade dance and when I looked in the mirror she saw me freeze
13 years later and I laugh about how I was afraid I’d get teased
My favorite colors have always been red and green but over the years the shades of each color have risen or fallen in coolness and warmth
I have always tried to guess which direction I’m standing in with my internal compass, I always bet I’m facing north
I am learning to not run from my feelings of unrest but instead rush forth
I love when it’s snowed all day and the clouds finally pass and the moon illuminates the fields around me as I'm driven around fast
I'm in love with the idea of moving forward yet somedays I can feel the shattered somethings haunting me from my past
I love Marilyn Monroe
I love Lana Del Rey and Tina Snow
these women who have come before me, have similar scars to me that they aren't afraid to show
I love the feeling of being known
I love feeling as if I'm finally taking my rightful throne
I love this room my mind created everything hand etched and carved of marble stone
The curls in my hair sometimes come out to say hello
I've always wanted to learn how to make choux pastry dough
I love walking, anywhere and everywhere, it reminds me to take things slow
I like pickled radish
and the water of the bay that is brackish
I love when someone says "you're going to love it, try this"
I regret anytime I allowed someone to challenge the beauty and fire I hold in my eyes
and how I wonder why in the first place I even allowed them to try
I allowed them to convince me the strands of my hair didn't shine with such beauty it made the moon cry
I allowed them to drown out my colors with cheap black box dye
and tell me "I've never seen that before" as they point at my full and curvaceous thigh
I buried myself in the deepest dirt and hibernated
while everyone else above celebrated
how being away from me means they successfully evacuated
Their plan was beautifully and tragically orchestrated
I slept and I slept
through every season and even after all the leaves had been swept
I tried to hold onto anything that made me forget why everyone left
Then one day the sun made it's way down and through all the cracks and crevices, it crept
it crept til it woke me up from this comatose dormancy
"how long have I slept?'
the sun said "long enough"
and I wept
but as I wept the sun lifts my head and looks into my eyes
"you are whole and alive, These eyes have yet to see the wonders where my light shines, will you look up at the sky?" and as I look I see clouds the color of the painting above the floor in Versailles, I see every time I felt alive, I see every time I showed mercy and how many low spirits I was able to raise and revive. I see every time my presence has lovingly and unknowingly given someone the strength to survive.
"In time you will see how your depth and beauty goes farther than the bottom of the sea, you will hear my hello from every leaf and every tree and when the ground tickles your feet, be still and know I am with you and will never leave. You are who you are and I couldn't be more pleased, you are the same girl who at nine fell of her bike and scraped her knee, you are the same girl who at thirteen got her eyebrows over tweezed, I promise your garden will grow once you plant your seeds."
For a moment I couldn't breathe
I was in awe of the way the sun could see me
and how even though he sees everything from all sides he still felt this way, how could this be?
"Because you have fiery embers that glow within you, your flavor is more complex than the finest coffee maker could ever brew. Your presence is favorable, please stop allowing your point of view to get skewed."
I stare at my hands and remember how they looked when I was little and how I dreamt of a life where I'd smile so much you'd see my dimple, one where every day I'd be drenched in crystals, and maybe at this point I would have finally learned how to whistle... I haven't mastered the art of it yet, for me it's not that simple. But little me would be happy to know that now when she sings she sounds hymnal.
Little me would love to know that a beautiful cobalt blue journal bought by a friend would begin the journey of a love affair between me, some paper, and a pen.
Little me would stare at the thousands of words I've written about the deep feelings brought on by men
wounds from my father and boys I loved back then
she would walk up to me and she'd be so short I'd be able to rest my hands on her head
she'd squeeze me tight and sigh before saying "I love that we never leave anything unsaid."
And she's right
I have poured my heart out in the depths of the night
to the people with who I wanted to give a final goodbye
I know the rule of ignoring my heart is one I will always defy
This declaration of claiming my life back is one I will amplify
I have spoken my truth terrified even after drinking up all the courage I could liquify
and albeit terrified I know I'm one of the lucky few who will stand up and speak first of how things are unjustified
I will stand and put my finger in the face of any angry man who tries belittling a woman and tearing her down as much as he can
I will fly over to shield her with my 7 foot wingspan
and put a stop to all of this before it even began
I will dance in the aisle at the grocery store and not care because they are playing a song I adore
I will sing with the fervor of a thousand voices and belt it from my very core
I will drench everything in love for when it rains it pours
Hi, my name is everything I have been and ever will be
my name is the first flight of every butterfly and every bee
my name is the feeling of when the person you love gets down on one knee
my name is the way a new born baby breathes
my name is the way flowers bloom
my name is the way you stand back and smile after you've just painted your very first room
my name is the way you feel when the fireworks on fourth of July go boom
my name is the way you felt when you were a kid wearing your favorite Halloween costume
my name is the way you feel when you've styled your hair just right
my name is the way you feel when it's the first time they ask you to spend the night
my name is the way you feel when your best friend hugs you tight
my name is the way you feel when you're happy and you've had just enough to drink
my name is the way you feel when the sky is that perfect shade of orange and pink
my name is the way you feel when you finally know what to say after having some time to think
my name is my own
and when I get older I'm going to buy a horse that's a blue roan
and ride her for miles
for I used to be out on that lonely road
and my soul will forever want to roam
and as I look at her mane to comb
it's full of beautifully ornate braids with flowers sewn
I look at her and see myself and I say
"You're finally home."
Mar 21, 2024
Mar 21, 2024 at 10:03 AM UTC
Lord knows I knew this day would come
Thinking it wouldn’t would make me dumb
What’s left behind is just mere crumbs
And I sit here feeling fully numb
Burned words written on paper
Getting rid of your name on my skin with a scraper
I’m still waiting for these feeling to taper
Can it be you think of me as often as I think of you?
Please tell me what it is I need to do
Because I want to be free of us too
Wedding dresses and white linens
I need to remind myself that this isn’t fiction
But I’m tired of using the proper diction under these conditions
Tuxedos and ties
You’re going to look so handsome I won’t lie
As she walks down the aisle to you
and all your friends and families are in the pews
I’ll be the farthest thing from your mind, I know that’s true
Center pieces and best man speeches
I can’t forget how sweet you were at times, sweeter than peaches
I can’t forget the flames of the summer fires, or how our friends helped you change your flat tire.
I can’t forget how at night when we’d finally retire you’d hold me tighter and tighter.
I can’t forget what it was like to feel chosen by you and maybe my memories are skewed but I swear at one time you loved me too
My heart is broken you’re taking this next step together, I really can’t lie
And I knew it from the moment I saw you with her that she was the real love of your life
And baby that cut me like a knife
Knowing… she’s going to be your wife
You once spoke of being my husband
And darling I got accustomed
To the idea of living forever with you
I got accustomed to the idea you’d help me make the bed in the house we own too
I got accustomed to the idea of your hand being a cooling compress on my forehead as we welcomed a child into this world, I bet their eyes would’ve been blue.
I’ve loved you for so long and what I fear is
that I’ll continuously bring you up year after year. I fear that every time I drink a beer I’ll feel like curling up into a sphere because the taste on my tongue makes me want you near, but honey that’s impossible to do because we aren’t even peers.
I‘ve often wondered what it would take for me to forget how we’d dance with me on your feet or how many nights we spent together in the summer heat. I’ve often wondered just how much you loved me and if you ever forgot what we did in your backseat.
Does she kiss your cigarette burns?
are there parts of my body or heart for which you still yearn? I think you’ve learned to keep the thought of me and our ashes in an urn, and I know I need to accept it’s no longer my turn.
The thought of you is like a drug
I’m drinking up memories of you like beer in a frosted mug
All I can think of is our last hug
And how we swayed along with the sound of the party and how I felt electric like a fully charged battery pulled from a plug
How can I get over this addiction?
The sorrow I feel and all this conviction,
They say all I need are some restrictions.
But how can I forget the way you flashed a smile at me and I’d just spill, how can I forget the way you said “this is my girl” the night you took that pill and we stayed up all night for the thrill.
How can I forget the way you’d say my name or call me your pastry
You said it was because I was so sweet,
just one kind word from you would make me shaky and now these memories leave me feeling achy.
I wish so much that it would be me, that one day you’d get on one knee and tell all the other girls to leave you be. I thought I was the one that held your heart’s key, but now I know it was never me.
I thought we’d raise children together, I thought we could withstand any stormy weather. But since you’re without me, you’ve been doing so much better. I’d like to think you reminisce when you pull on your sweater, the one I walked in the rain to buy, don’t you remember?
A part of me feels like just laying here and accepting my fate, that your name will forever be tattooed on my tongue and that I’ll never be able to see straight. A part of me feels like accepting my eyes will forever scan the crowds of people walking downtown trying to find your face.
Forgetting your first love shouldn’t take eight years, it shouldn’t take all these tears, and it shouldn’t make my heart feel like it’s being stabbed with a spear. These are the reasons I’ve felt like our love can’t just disappear. It gone somewhere, where I’m not sure, that part is unclear.
Maybe our love has stayed in the woods, and in the sunsets. Maybe our love is in the pool of regrets, or maybe just maybe it’s in its own maisonette. Furnished with all the memories of your once favorite and special brunette.
Maybe our soul tie was never torn, maybe there are parts of you that still mourn the times I made you feel warm. Maybe there are parts of me you absolutely abhor. And yet I feel like I’ll forever be waiting for you by the back door.
I’m praying once you say “I do” I’ll finally be rid of you and I’ll see just how much I grew. I’ll slip on my dancing shoes and sway to the truth of how I was one of the lucky few. I won’t message you out of the blue, I know you and her are together like paper and glue and she’ll be the one to give you your morning brew.
I won’t be the one who washes your clothes, I won’t be the one to comfort you when you’re feeling low. I won’t even be the one to hear you say hello, you’ll forever ***** my heart like a thorn on a rose.
Now that you are affianced there’s no room for me in this newly made alliance. I’m sure as wedding presents you’ll get many a kitchen appliance. You were good at math and I science, it’s been years since I’ve felt the vapors of our dalliance.
You, my love, are filling the role of a spouse, and yet I still remember the feeling of you taking off my blouse. When we met it felt like my first time stepping into a greenhouse, leaves of green and flowers so vibrant, everything so peaceful and silent. You were special like purple violets.
I can’t believe I have to let you go. It’s been so **** long and although my body and heart are screaming no, I must say goodbye to you this I know. You’re the river that flowed and it’s been years since you’ve run cold.
I’ll work on forgetting you, and how for my seventeenth birthday you bought me flowers that were orange and blue. I’ll work on forgetting all the times you made me feel good, I’ll work on forgetting sitting on your lap and how tall you stood. I’ll work on forgetting associating you with the smell of burnt firewood. And I’ll work on forgetting how much I loved you in my late childhood.
Apr 11, 2023
Apr 11, 2023 at 5:06 PM UTC
mail gets delivered everyday
do you ever expect a letter from me asking you to meet me halfway?
packages getting delivered under the windowsill
accidentally spilling coffee on the water bill
I have my book of stamps and personalized stationary too
just give me a pen and tell me what address am I sending this letter to?
pictures and videos
your recorded laugh echoes
seeing these old photos of you in your youth
feels like waiting in line at a tollbooth
visiting the past comes at a price
it costs a pretty penny and tends to be unwise
these pictures and letters will never make it to your mailbox
just like when you see me you'll always move over to the other side of the sidewalk
finding these captured moments of the past
makes me want to climb in my car and drive fast
you seemed happy then and even happier now
it doesn't seem like I've brought you too down
eight years ago today you gave me ten digits to dial
I thought our six hundred and thirty six days spent together was beautiful like mosaic tile
you were the first, that I cannot change
but even if I could, there's nothing I would rearrange
you still move me in ways i cannot explain
even after all these years there are so many feelings that still remain
some bad and some good
just wondering
do you still wear the sweatshirt I got you,
the one with the hood?
I'm sure I am forgotten about
everything about me in your mind, completely wiped out
which is fine
just at least have a glimmer of when your heart was mine
mail coming on the seventh day is a nice concept
except
no matter where you are, wherever the trees sway
the mail never comes on Sunday
Jun 9, 2022
Jun 9, 2022 at 1:11 PM UTC
the face of a man whose children I almost had
he bought me a teal house that needed some work- but it wasn't that bad
spending hours in a stream finding every last crawdad
laying on my back in a field on a summer night feeling glad
these are the things that make me mad
a man who's loyal to no land
what things are in the drawer of your nightstand?
shouldn't I know first hand?
this feels like I'm sinking in quick sand
the announcement of someone new loving you didn't tear me apart
it's you sleeping with your brother's wife that did me in, sweetheart
who did you outsmart?
whose lives are kept in the dark?
locked and confined to the four corners of a house
you turn the lights off and take off her blouse
broken vows
what happened to the man who couldn't even hurt a mouse?
when you look in the mirror what do you see?
blue eyes as deep and vast as the sea?
a face full of deceit?
grabbing all the things you gave me, wishing I kept the receipt
bury your self respect in concrete
let your face burn scarlet when they ask
"so how did you two meet?"
black eyed susan vines
when and where did you both cross the line?
what you've done feels like swallowing turpentine
but it's all fine
good luck trying to untangle yourselves in these web of lies.
Apr 8, 2022
Apr 8, 2022 at 4:32 PM UTC
dust has collected in this once filled room of my mine
it's floated and settled on the last few things left behind
spellbind
windchime
now i can say this empty space is all mine
8 years of pacing this room
8 years of shouting at the moon
8 years of sleeping til noon
just to ignore the fact I meant nothing to you
so much anger has made home in my bones
the way you used to speak about me felt like being casted with stones
I used to try and drown out your tasteless, colorless tone
you type "she's dramatic" in a text on your phone
I expected this feeling of indifference to feel free with no stop lights
yet this empty space
and this empty mind
coincide
with what I've known this whole time
that all too familiar feeling of restlessness has come to an end
and even though there are still memories burned into my head
I don't believe I have anything else left unsaid
I envied your callousness
I despised your self-righteousness
and i ached at your lack of consequence
what caught your eye was never my elegance
but rather my callowness
as the ice in your drink swirls and melts
and you're blaming me besides everyone else
as your anger starts to swell
just remember it was me who wasn't treated well
we can keep our heads down while our eyes meet on the street
while you pretend I don't resemble meadowsweet
and that we never danced in my kitchen with me on your feet
but
to be honest
in the end
we were always offbeat
when you chose to secede
I found you to not be an aesthete
if you could agree
to be without me
this story is begging to no longer be told
so maybe I'll revisit this time of my life when I've seen how my life will unfold
til then my king is fallen on this chess board
my feelings are buried far past the sea's shore
and I've finally
stopped keeping score
Feb 25, 2022
Feb 25, 2022 at 2:02 PM UTC
running his fingers through my hair like a strong wind through tall grass in June
the coolness of his lips on mine like a summer swim in July
feelings for him coursing through my veins like a meteor shower sweeping across the night sky in August
I love him.
sowing seeds, growing flowers for the bees, I want to climb the tree of he- to taste the gifts he has for me.
he's my summer honey.
Feb 24, 2022
Feb 24, 2022 at 4:04 PM UTC
if all our minds were candy dispensers
then a penny for my thoughts would get you a taste of sour on your tongue
you'd grimace and scowl and feel it in your lungs
and i'd ask "did it feel like running through a candy store when you were young?"
caramels,
chocolates,
cinnamon candy too
there's always enough bad thoughts to go around,
which one do you choose?
I'll take the pills they tell me to
some sugar helps the medicine go down,
isn't that true?
i'll just have to wait and see
and in the mean time i'll try to believe
that being 24 is really hard
at least that's what they've told me
a heaping double scoop of asperity
leaves my guests looking at me warily
giving me just a cake sliver of clarity
I'm getting tired of eating macaroons,
I hope my time here in candy land ends soon.
Nov 4, 2021
Nov 4, 2021 at 12:50 PM UTC
Cheer up
Look up
Everything will be okay
Life's a gift
A silly game
Everyone loves to play
Stop worrying
Don't fret
It'll all make sense
Be positive
Stay open
Let down your defense
Just do it
Get motivated
Get your *** out of bed
Have some coffee
Watch the news
Get out of your head
Keep trying
Never quit
Nothing's easy
Don't you know?
You got to want it
It's in your hands
This is your only show
Jul 29, 2021
Jul 29, 2021 at 10:14 AM UTC
Everybody loves a love poem
But does anyone really have love?
To be a writer's to be alone
We just write about what we dream of
Jul 19, 2021
Jul 19, 2021 at 7:53 PM UTC
Everyone always asks, how'd he do it?
A rope, a gun, a knife?
I always give them the same answer
His true cause of death was life
Jul 18, 2021
Jul 18, 2021 at 10:22 PM UTC
1, 2, 3
There was you and me
4, 5, 6
your colorful bag of tricks
7, 8, 9
we'd share a bottle of wine.
These are the memories that send chills up my spine.
You were acid,
I was alkaline.
I used to pick the petals off a celandine, hoping
"maybe he'll choose me this time."
I thought our love to be phantasmagoric,
when in fact it was hardly auric.
leave it to me to always be metaphoric.
You impacted me in ways I can't describe
please believe me when I say this isn't my diatribe.
this is me trying my best to transmogrify.
my original stimuli,
you have no idea what you signified,
but
This is me trying my hardest to say goodbye.
Jul 12, 2021
Jul 12, 2021 at 4:47 PM UTC
I'm going to do the world a favor and not write anymore
I'm going to do you a favor and not fight anymore
I'm going to do me a favor and not feel trite anymore
I lied...
Jul 6, 2021
Jul 6, 2021 at 1:47 PM UTC
You know what they want right?
Just another young girl in a dress too tight
Thin as a rail, with long flowing hair
Smile on her face, like she has not a care
Shoes she can't walk in, no man would try
Face so frozen by Botox, she can't even cry
And if she sticks to her part, she might do just fine
If she's willing to ***** she can actually dine
They'll chew up her soul and spit out the rest
Wouldn't you know, they took the part she liked best
But that's okay, anything to be a star
Anything that is, except being who you are
Jul 4, 2021
Jul 4, 2021 at 10:37 AM UTC
As my heart aches
Falls apart and breaks
I feel at peace
My emotions cease
I exist in solitary
Forever wary
Of things to haunt me
As I nestle into to a fir tree
I felt broken
I felt stolen
By the girl who
Whisked my heart askew
As I stare into my despair
I tell you beware
Of the heartbroken world
That is worse than the underworld
Endless darkness
Endless starkness
Nothing to feel
Nothing to conceal
That nothing is worse
Than the broken heart curse
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 8:56 AM UTC
I swore I would never be put back together by someone else again.
But when you’ve incurred hundreds of stitches
trying to reconnect your own jagged pieces,
you tell yourself that it’s better this way.
Better to allow someone else to be your adhesive
than to risk shattering completely.
But then she leaves.
Her duct tape grip is ripped from my skin and I am broken again.
I will have to learn how to put myself back together one day.
And so, I reach down and pick up the first piece of glass.
I will bleed forever without her.
Apr 22, 2020
Apr 22, 2020 at 1:09 PM UTC