#frankruland
She was dark, drowning in her thoughts
Couldn't find her way to what she lost
She was damaged, scarred from heart to soul
Too bruised to remember what made her whole
She was in pain, constantly fighting back tears
But never brave enough to fight her fears
He was young and stupid--a ********* at heart;
a self-loathing so strong it tore him asunder
The things he needed always fell apart;
the things he wanted, denied, leaving his heart to hunger
She was a dreamer until life gave up on her
Too many demons to battle but she wasn't a fighter
She made wishes on falling stars and smoldering skies
But she was cursed, the heavens told her lies
She was dead inside, yet living within the crowd
Her screams for help were never heard, but still so loud
He was **** outta luck: the world fresh outta *****
Heart and soul burning--the proverbial candle ,
and it's it only a matter of time before Xanax
fails to give him a reason to even get up
It's hard, it's Hell--it's too much to handle,
but he's too paranoid to even panic
She's too scared to think of how few people care
Never opens her heart, she wouldn't dare
Confiding in the voices only she can hear
Believing the ***** no one gives, outta fear
She's dangerous, made too many mistakes
It's all her fault she knows nothing but heartache
He's alone, he's paranoid; a self-fulfilling prophecy
teetering on the edge of extinction
A dying breed bastardized by blood and water alike
How can he be saved when acceptance Id heresy?
They all think he's just pining for the next reason
to say, "No more beginnings," and end his life
She's lost her will, her strength to survive
Nothing's figured out, no reason to be alive
Balancing her life on the edge of a blade
She gets cut, no matter which side she takes
Holding tightly to the sharp point of reality
She's lost focus, just walking through life blindly
He's a sympathetic tool playing by apathetic rules;
it's only a matter of time before he knuckles down
No more bitter Mondays--out comes the Saturday Night Special
He's living on borrowed time; it's time to pay the dues
When you tread a fine line, you slowly come unwound
come the realization both sides of the tightrope take you straight to Hell
Aug 26, 2015
Aug 26, 2015 at 8:59 PM UTC
"Wish in one hand and **** in the other."
Your disappointments leave me smothered!
Wake up tomorrow - why even bother?!
I'm just a drunk like my ******* father!
You say there's hope, but it's a ghost
A dream you wish to see at the most
I guess you can call me, "Skeptic"
Not paranoid - just ******* sick
Hell on Earth seems to be dawning quick!
Just a simple wish upon a star
You're abuse has gone too far
I'll just sleep off all the scars
Another shot of whiskey in my glass
Getting tipsy before I kick your ***
I just need to calm myself at long last
My dreams are filled with too many images of you
You're the past and I know that we're through
I guess all these demons will just have to do
Keep coming back, because I'm a ***** for more
I must be a ********* at the ******* core
Ptolemy - what's wrong with our souls?!
We look past the stars to gaze at black holes!
I don't believe and I can never be deceived,
for this paranoia permits no bit of reprieve
I guess everything is just as it seems -
idealized, and finalized - know what I mean?!
I know returning to you will only cause me pain
I'm no Queen but you're the King that reigns
As a lowly peasant, I know I must refrain
But there is just something that draws me to you
The stars have predicted the truth
And I know there's nothing I can do
You've moved on, I keep thinking about the past
I know the heartache cannot be surpassed
I'm just sorry that I ever asked
For my final ******* act the stage has just been set:
Dead man walking, but I don't have one regret
Is it the psychosis in my brain
or the necrosis in my veins?
Either ******* way, I've never been more sane
Head on to heartbreak - let romantics rot
Pardon this dead cat, but out of everything I've taught,
why was reciprocity the one you forgot?
If there's a cure for bad blood, you can keep it
Your shit's been sewn so now it's time to reap it
Jul 5, 2015
Jul 5, 2015 at 8:50 PM UTC
"With the awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I'll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection."
~Jax Teller (Sons Of Anarchy)
The mirror reflects images
Of past things I'd like to forget
Memories project ghosts that faded
Long ago after I built up my regrets
And that reflection shines through
All the different scenarios
Of this life that I've lived through
And heartbreaks, everywhere I go
Heartbreak, heathens, hounds and Hell
What wonderful whispers the mirror has to tell
I've heard them before - **** - they came from my core
Love was the loathing that turned into lore
**** the person in the mirror
The truth could not be clearer:
A monster spawned once the medicine cabinet filled with liquor
You hate me? Join the ******* club
I'm the ******* dartboard at the local pub
Then comes the crashing, the breaking, the cuts and bruises
Spectrums of pieces and shatters of truths
And yet it all just reflects right back to mistakes from our youth
The mirror, just an ugly reminder of shame with all the proof
But what can we do? How can we forget?
The images of the past can't change how they reflect
From another angle we could possibly alter the effect
But no altercations can take away the pain and regret
I take a walk to distance me from myself,
but there is no harbor for demons hiding from Hell
I tried my damnedest to become better,
but despite how earnest, I only grew bitter
Now, being sober just gives me the jitters
I can't be alone with the Devil inside
I can't change things when the problem is I
People see me and they are befuddled
I see only a shell when I pass by these puddles
Empty, that's all that's left of me
Nothing, there's nothing left to see
The mirror is blank, a black hole
Drained into space, the remnants of my soul
Blank reflections shattered against my heart
Feeling of hate and self doubt ripping me apart
The eyes staring back at me have no emotions
Wide gazes and high tides like endless oceans
This nothingness is completely consuming me
My life, love and happiness have been swept out to sea
Jun 26, 2015
Jun 26, 2015 at 5:34 PM UTC
Today, a mistake was made
Some words were said,
my sight went red
and my bond with you was severely frayed
Now, **I'm ******
Here's something that you missed
*you ****** up*
I've been betrayed
So go to Hell and tell Satan
you're a heathen worth hating
Today, a memory was lost
Some things were forgotten
I'm paying the cost
and all the love we shared has been tossed
Out the window
Here's something you don't know
**I ******* hate you**
I'm over all the ********
So next time you decide to speak my name
Remember you lost and I'm the game
Today, a truth shined through
all the lies
in which you relied
I can't stand how **I got ******* while you always got the best of me
Now I'm enraged enough to say,
**** you!"**
Yeah, today my blood congealed
I sewed the wound shut,
but the scar will never heal
For this,
**I ******* hate you.**
and I hope your death hurts a great deal
Today, a lie was told
As if it was the gods honest truth
I can see it all clearly now
But what's the use?
I'm tattered, battered and abused
And I'm blaming it all on you
I've lost so much already
What else is there to lose?
**I ******* hate you!**
What story is there to tell?
What's left to say?
How about this....
GO TO HELL!!!
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 6:23 PM UTC
As I walk through the rain
I wonder to myself "Is there love out there?"
I've been through all this pain
Life so far has not been fair
I wanna find someone strong and good
Someone to actually care
*Just what has life come to
Walking in the rain despaired
Tormented by the things they do
And now my soul is impaired
Need to find something true
Freedom from a life ensnared*
I want a boy. No, I need a man
This lonely life has lasted too long
I want someone to hold my hand
And sing me a loving song
Maybe hold my umbrella too
Why is that so wrong?
*I need something. No, someone
To help me clarify this lie
I want a woman who won't run
When she looks into my eyes
Someone to mend the damage done
An angel to quell my smouldering skies*
I need eyes of an emerald green
With depths I feel in my core
The poetic man from my dreams
Not like the men from before
Who've simply thrown me away
And walked right out the door
*Wouldn't benign eyes be nice
Hands to calm shattered nerves
Giving up on rolling dice
Want to find my heaven deserved
An open heart does so entice
I don't think it sounds so absurd*
He would have been hurt in the past
But I could show him what love means
Showing him my heart is my mask
And I'm obviously an angel from his dreams
I will slowly mend his broken soul
That's been battered and ripped at the seams
*I will be her saving grace
Repair both her angelic wings
I have dreamed of her face
She's the one whom settles things
Her heart I will lovingly trace
For as long as forever brings*
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 7:15 PM UTC