#femaleperspective
Everything is too
sugar-spine, salt-lipped,
staticstitched and jitterglow.
I can’t sit still
without turning into
a girl-shaped emergency.
I keep my synonyms in jars—
one for ache,
one for almost,
one for the word I made up
that means I miss you so much I become a faucet.
Language is a loose tooth.
I tongue it until it bleeds metaphor.
Call it poetry.
Call it coping.
Call it anything but what it is:
me, peeling the world into vowels
because I’m scared if I say what I mean,
you’ll hear it.
And then what?
You’ll answer?
You’ll echo?
You’ll send a voice memo
saying same
and I’ll combust on the Q train
like a well-read matchbook?
God, I am so
caption-core,
pun-drunk,
rhyme-accident-prone.
I named my stomach pit afterthought.
I named my wrists reminder.
And I named you
don’t.
But I still say it
every time I open my mouth
to speak.
Apr 6, 2025
Apr 6, 2025 at 9:30 AM UTC
I smiled so wide my molars got jealous.
Everyone said I looked stunning.
I said thank you in the voice I reserve for customer service and playing dumb.
That’s the closest I’ve come to a scream
this week.
I wore the dress that says: I’m over it.
(It lies.)
I walked like a question mark
straightened out with rage.
There was a man in the corner
making balloon animals.
He asked what I wanted.
I said surprise me.
He handed me a noose
shaped like a swan.
No one noticed.
Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself
to feel interesting.
Later, someone told a joke
I didn’t get.
I laughed like I was being watched.
The punchline wasn’t funny.
It just echoed
like something I would’ve said
before I got careful.
I stood in the kitchen
with a paper plate of olives and nothing,
holding it like proof
I was doing fine.
Someone spilled wine on the couch.
I said I’ve ruined better things.
Everyone laughed
like I meant it to be charming.
(I didn’t.)
A girl in white heels asked me
how I knew the host.
I said same way I know most people—
by accident,
and with the kind of premonition that wears perfume.
The bathroom mirror was cracked.
I counted the breaks like confessions
and chose not to atone.
The soap smelled like fruit
that only exists in dreams
you wake up crying from.
I reapplied my lip stain
like armor,
like alibi,
like an exit strategy.
Then I left without saying goodbye
because I couldn’t figure out
how to do it quietly
and still be missed.
Apr 6, 2025
Apr 6, 2025 at 10:21 AM UTC