#fearofself
The streets stretch empty,
silent but for my footsteps—
rhythmic, restless,
kicking pebbles that go nowhere,
like me.
Smoke curls from my lips,
a ghostly whisper dissolving
before it can answer
the questions I never say aloud.
The night doesn’t scare me—
I’ve made peace with shadows,
with streetlights flickering like old dreams.
But the darkness inside?
That’s a beast with my name on its tongue.
I walk faster,
as if the wind might strip me clean,
as if somewhere ahead,
there’s a version of me
who knows how to stop running.
But for now,
I take another drag,
watch the ember burn,
and keep moving.
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 1:37 AM UTC
I am afraid of letting go
And losing control
I am afraid of being happy
Of waking up wanting to start the day
Of accepting myself for who I am
Of losing the motivation for my art because I’m no longer so sad and alone
Of losing the bubble I created for writing since I have no one to turn to
no one to talk to
no one to belong to
I am afraid of being
I am afraid of the potential I possess
I don’t mean to sound arrogant or proud
Because I’m not
I am just me
Mikayla
I walk around the halls sheltered and afraid
Afraid of the people I see around me
Every one of these individuals has a hidden talent,
A secret,
A love, A vice,
And what do I have?
Just me.
Mikayla DeAnn.
If I am not walking with a false bravado
Shining plastered smiles to hide my fear
I am invisible
I am shoved
Pushed
Tossed
Turned
Unrecognizable
Mikayla DeAnn Kay
I am afraid of letting go
If I let go, I am letting go of the control I possess,
My only vice
I am letting go of the years of “you’re not good enough”
The years of “you’re not pretty enough”
The years of “you’re not skinny enough”
The years of “you’re not worthy”
The years of “you do not belong”
Mikayla DeAnn
I want to shine
I want to smile
I want to make others happy without losing pieces of myself
I want to be confident in what I like
What I wear
What I desire
I want to feel whole
I want to be seen
I want to become… no
I am
Mikayla
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 4:40 PM UTC