#exploding
My head hurts
It's gonna explode
Why you ask
If I only knew
I'd share with you
For you see
It's to many things
it could be
It could be the stress
It could be the headache
It could be my overthinking
So could you please stand back
I wish to not explode
with anybody to close
The mess it will make
So please don't stand
to close
my head
Is ex..plo..ding ...
© Jennifer L DeLong 🦏
4/26/2021
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 5:17 AM UTC
as she sits
her thoughts exploding
one
after
another
some + others -
she thinks:
maybe if I dig deeper people won't question, "are you ok?"
Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 12:53 PM UTC
I got a couple of things to say
That I feel would clear
All that fog that hangs
Inside my head
and makes it
so hard to
think.
But if I open my mouth
All the mist will
Come out
And I won't see
the truth.
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 9:31 AM UTC
Things blow up
People throw up
And then walk on
A land mine
When they talk on
A landline
I try to enjoy myself
But enjoyment has stealth
And eludes
Which secludes
Happiness hides
Behind sentinel shrapnel
That makes us abide
The rules of this flat Hell
There are frequent explosions in my mind
They are sequenced implosions through time
I have poor explanations
For my inflammations
My hands fumble
My brain crumbles
Progress is lost
That's the cost
Frustration cooks
From holy books
And constitutions
That can't be changed
Or rearranged
So we're gridlocked in an explosion
In Hell's fruitless fire we are frozen
Explosions dot the planet like acne
Humanity has no choice except to get older
Sharing information is our main asset yet we grow colder
We must evolve together
We're doomed to be tethered
So we must gel
To avoid Hell
There are monsters in our midst
In our mind is where they sit
We must expel them together
Or we'll be exploding forever
Oct 22, 2017
Oct 22, 2017 at 11:08 PM UTC
There is a light, it's flickering a pale white blue.
The carpet is rough on my face, silence permeates the house. I should get up.
I should pull myself into personhood. My hands tremor, I let my finger tips find the end of the carpet. Skimming the floor boards shaking fingers beginning to tap tap tap out the only sound.
I used to drink the restlessness away, now I am left a craving in its place. Tap tap tap say the fingers.
Violent imagery flashes across my mind, car crashes, rending metal, glass breaking, bones snapping there are sharp falls and hit and runs and stabbing on the sidewalk, knife sliding into my flesh. Leaping into oncoming traffic, my heart skipping beats and laughter always my laughter. The final moment of freedom replayed over an over. I can't tell you why it makes me smile, I don't know why myself.
Tap tap tap tap tap irrattic finger tips might be getting angry. Have your limbs been angry at you before?
Rolling over the popcorn ceiling swirls,
I realized a while back if I pay attention to the patterns they shift, I hallucinate mildly on most days. I think I might miss it if I were being honest. I focus on my skin, the way the air touches it, the way cold feels, if I savour this enough I almost feel high, high is almost always on the other side of sensation.
I might always be a touch high compared to how the average Joe feels. This is not a desirable state, but if you talk to me tomorrow I might say it's a gift.
I slowly stand, my knees cracking fingertips tap tap tapping up the wall. Giving up drinking was like giving up one of my last connections to my dearly departed. Gin and alcoholism kept a part of him close to me. Medication and therapy take me further and further away from the person who knew him.
I walk barefoot, the texture of the floor boards underfoot, stepping into the kitchen I pull a wine glass from the cupboard. I want to hear it sing, I flick the glass, I hold the opening of the glass near my ear. I can feel the sound touching my ear. Soft ringing until it's quiet again, I've tried to savour the experience by listening in to the sounds of my world.
Listening to the slow crunch of a crisp apple, the sound of the city, the bubbling of the fish tank. Perfect beautiful sounds ripe with happening.
You can hear the happening of what is at all times if you choose to.
There are other ways to savour, I think it helps to be here and now, the savouring it I mean. By "it" I mean everything your senses allow you to perceive, the everything that is your sensory image of the world around you. Your brain built the image of the world, it's a reflection of you. The world is a mirror to your mind.
Often the reflection is not something I'm proud of, other times I'm exploding with pride.
I wish I could share what I've found with him, but I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't paying attention.
Attention to here and now has been the key I keep dropping and picking up.
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 8:51 PM UTC
I knew it was coming, I was settling into a groove
Thing's where going a little to smooth
I felt a first a small quaking
The universe's desire to **** ME OVER was awaking
Then life explode AGAIN on me, all over the place
Now I'm standing here with the universe's **** on my face
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 9:46 AM UTC
She had been at sea for three decades
her first voyage at age eighteen
a week after her marriage
in the year of our Lord 1883
She married a sailing man
captain of his own ship
handsome, bearded and tall
a fine commander of his men
as they searched the sea for whales
She loved life at sea
and could imagine no other
the motion of the ship
the sounds of the rigging and the sails
the quiet companionship
with her husband every evening
She was beloved by her husband’s men
whom she mothered well
having had no sons of her own
but nurtured and healed
patched and sewed
bloodied and broken hearts and men
Often she came out on deck
for she knew when they would find them
and though she was in the stern
and the lookout was high in the crow's nest
she saw many whales they missed
She thrilled each time she saw them
awed by their sheer size
marveling at their strength
humbled by their beauty
careful to hide her feelings
Sometimes she could feel
when a whale would blow
and she would call to the first mate
so the men looked at her
as the whale passed unseen
Most times she silently prayed
willing the lookout to search
the wrong spot of ocean
and felt again the pang
of disloyalty to her husband
for he commanded a whaling ship
But then the lookout's call came
"Thar she blows!"
and the men sprang to action
taking after the whale in longboats
while she escaped below
She had seen before the killing
she would not watch again
too many whales succumbed
to exploding harpoons
and a death horrifyingly cruel
And she wondered
what would happen
if only whales could scream . . .
Oct 23, 2015
Oct 23, 2015 at 6:49 AM UTC
*Sweet and serene,
alone but complete.
Deep thinking, sinking
into the music of my soul.*
My love stays away
it's sad, but i'm okay.
We do what we must
for a cause, so trust.
again,
We do what we must
for a cause..
I pause.
Could it be that we
live in reverse?
As an effect in search
for a cause.
Should it not be
that we live to effect
the lives around us
the earth and all of nature
positively?
Perhaps this is what is wrong
with our Western society,
our obscure perception
of this corrupt projection.
This Western culture,
our political vultures.
The awakening of their deadened prey
is nothing short of forthcoming.
We'll become Illuminated,
educated, Enlightened.
This shell which imprisons us is bound
to break.
So pay attention, Your life, Their lives,
This World
are all at stake.
Nov 27, 2013
Nov 27, 2013 at 12:48 PM UTC
Its beauty unravels as in bursts in the night sky,
multiple colors unleashed and free,
exploding with awe.
Fire in the sky as some call it,
the rays of color and shape amaze,
as always I watch intensively.
I watch as the flowers spark,
as the blooms buzz,
and as the sparklers sizzle.
Amazed at the beauty and happiness
these small simple things bring,
to all who watch.
To be a part of such...
is much more than lighting a fuse,
it brings people closer.
Jul 4, 2015
Jul 4, 2015 at 8:49 PM UTC
the burning,
blinding sun is
slowly hiding
behind the
green mountains,
with a touch of
white snow,
and I admire the
monotony of the sun,
its energy to repeat
everything, day after day,
until it completely burns
and all its energy it's gone,
and has no more to continue,
so it does what's best for it -
it kills everybody, by
being a grenade and
exploding.
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 2:40 PM UTC