#existentialist
"learn from the sun, son"
he told me.
"break through the clouds
when they doubt you,"
he added.
said it in extra wording.
added in excess stories.
but that one was all i needed,
so that was the only i kept,
the rest i let flow.
does what we do with the truth,
change how it's true?
i used to think it didn't,
now i think it does.
i used to think in truths,
now i think in lies.
cause it's the bluest
of each man's thoughts
that determine how he turns out.
every reality is shaped
by how the lies you tell the self
become the desired new.
"learn from the son, sun,"
he should've told him.
cause i'm better
than the sun, son -
i shine in private.
when you educate your own child,
tell him i send peace.'
diary
of
a
corporate
existentialist™
Oct 11, 2025
Oct 11, 2025 at 5:35 PM UTC
i am so hungry
i do not like this world
i have fed it so much
yet i starve now
i worry
what haven't i done
there are merely a few roads i haven't taken
all of them leads to the same end too
do i still change my narratives
i guess i should
atleast i am not starved of narratives
i should eat one of those narratives
make do,
wear myself down
but say it is might, it is tenacity
make do, the familiar road
hungry but i have to take it
Apr 23, 2025
Apr 23, 2025 at 11:00 AM UTC
stifled, i feel
because i am a storm you would forget
the wreckage i leave isn't to your taste
i was not wishing you couldn't withstand me
that was never why i came on too strong
i just wanted to sway with you in the tides
i wanted to savor you in the highs and lows
i just wanted to be your personal storm
just that although i get it, who wants a storm
but i am a storm nonetheless
and no one likes a storm that stays
when it does you find a new home
you tell the world it wrecked you
Apr 17, 2025
Apr 17, 2025 at 3:01 AM UTC
but no not words
when i said i cannot have the truffles or the waffles or dark chocolate
you broke them down and melted them
you got naked
you spread your legs and you spread it on those lips that forever seemed to conceal a pearl even you did not seem to know you should cherish
i liked that you liked it so i nibbled them clean
but i had to think about how much more insulin
i would need in the night
i wanted to know what truffles and waffles were
i wanted to lick them off your lips that quiver most
but would you get it without the sugar that can **** me
next time
that way i can die a little late and eat you endlessly
but hey i found donuts without sugar
it was sweet too
i ate it alone because who do i share
the yearning for sweet less sweet
while in a sugary decay
venus, i don't want to be your adonis nor anchises
or for you to lie that i am them
or maybe i do, why not
i just wanted to eat something sweet with you
that does not **** me
Apr 17, 2025
Apr 17, 2025 at 2:57 AM UTC
It's been a long day.
Not as a day that's been filled with worries, but as a day filled with fake smiles
plastered together in shallow swathes.
It's been a long, long day
Even if I feel like this, at least I'm fine
If I take a sip of coffee, the coffee's cold
If I reach out, will you embrace me?
To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm reaching for.
The day's cold and the coffee's gone, so I'll leave you with this
The shadow of a tree's leaves in the sunlight is warm and gold
full where it should be empty
and open as a healing wound
Apr 24, 2020
Apr 24, 2020 at 5:40 PM UTC
Once is never
Or at least never enough
Life can be quite tough
But einmal ist keinmal
Let's try something new
See if it rings true
That despite what we do
Einmal ist keinmal
No inhibitions, no regrets
Do what we feel like
And never forget
Though einmal ist keinmal
Take risks, be bold
Don't harden your soul
Nor grow stale and old
Einmal ist keinmal
Live in the present
Be now, be here
Have no fear of the future
Cause einmal ist keinmal
Feel this lightness of being
As if nothing matters
Our significance shattered
Einmal ist keinmal
Sieze the moment
Give it your all
Live life to the fullest
Knowing full well
Einmal ist keinmal
Jul 30, 2019
Jul 30, 2019 at 7:31 PM UTC
I heard that
you're coming back,
but don't ever be like lush,
when things turned black,
head went off in a rush.
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 7:07 PM UTC
there were
shadows
that fought
for the right to
exist
descended off
the stairwell
fell into
the frostlake
and it continues.
before
they struggled
in the dark
then,
everything's gone.
Sep 11, 2018
Sep 11, 2018 at 11:40 AM UTC
When I'm happy a tornado of o's and 1's cascade
from my heart, a why-
an endless carousel of binary;
But to be happy should be enough,
in those moments when I freeze and smile
I should ask for no more than that,
that last little star in the background
before the lights go dim,
and extinguish everything.
Jul 10, 2018
Jul 10, 2018 at 2:42 PM UTC
there are many stories of how humankind
came to be,
and i'm not exactly sure how many of them
i like to believe.
are we here pre-destined for a great adventure
or rather yet, we're just here because we're here
i don't really like the ones that tells us about fate,
how we're meant to love somebody and all that-
i don't think anybody is born to love anybody
except themselves,
and even then sometimes i struggle with that too.
i don't think we're souls carved out on the plane of time
and i don't think we're beacons that were planned to collide,
i don't think we're a star-crossed fairytale on a dusty page,
and i don't think the air was waiting for silhouettes to fill the empty space.
i don't think i look to the future searching for your face,
and i don't think you shout across the void for my name,
i don't think we're planets intended to orbit around each other
and i don't think we're the seams of this quilted universe
that stitched itself just for us.
i just think we're us,
and that is all we have to be.
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 9:25 PM UTC
is poetry really something you think about
like, can this be considered poetry?
me, here
sitting at a computer screen
typing words ever so
conversationally
this reads less like a poem
and more like a speech
or perhaps, like a friend
telling you their day over coffee
and I bet right now you can smell the roasted beans
the air, thick with the smell of caffeine, whipped cream,
possibly a cigar or two
and you hear the voice of your best friend
who's telling you about their day
how they had it rough that day
Ben from accounting really knew how to ruin a day, let me tell you
or perhaps,
someone just spilled coffee all over their notes while they were studying
and as much as fifty apologies can mend a relationship,
fifty apologies can't dry up your english notes
can we really consider this kind of stuff poetry?
it's completely free-form
against the norm,
little to no rhyme or structure
no substance whatsoever
just a mindless person rambling about things that seem ever so slightly relatable
is this really poetry?
probably not.
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 10:47 AM UTC
Burning
Burn burn burn
turning around and around in a world
gone mad on illusion,
be glad to scrawl some truth
on the walls of self,
this prison we create for ourselves
endless as the space between things
atomic glances in the glaciers
of arctic reality, alone.
Alone and with you, just you
alone, alone with you, just you.
You don't exist, I am here, alone.
Loneliness the barricaded cliche;
a comfort from the complexity of Pandora cities,
lived network, passing moments, waste,
waste bucket lies and lives -
Cries in the sombre darkness of the city streets
heathens and homeless burning, dying
spice addicted fiend crying in empty
alleyways, and me alone, crying, dying
slowly, in this cage of my own creation,
the only thing that keeps me sane -
creation of hope, "delusion you dope" says
voice inside, burning bright demon.
Burn and fry, mottle and cascade downwards,
find yourself in the dirt of experience
and avert your gaze to the heavens.
What choice do we have?
The alternative burns and haunts my soul.
Endlessly, needlessly
Burn baby burn.
Apr 16, 2017
Apr 16, 2017 at 6:21 PM UTC
Every time
I look at you
I know it is
the worst ever
feeling to have
in this world.
It is worse than
having a tyre
punctured on
the road
in the middle of nowhere
and being kicked
out from the boat
in the middle of nowhere
you are stuck
in a glass box
you did not
built it
and someone else
who thinks
they are superior
built it for you.
I wish I could
hug you
kiss you
and bring
you somewhere
without further
ado.
All you can wish
is just to be free
not just another
commodity.
It is better to be dead
on a natural cause
outside
than being stuck
in somewhere and
feeling lost
inside.
Feline oh my feline.
Nothing wins, nothing ever wins.
Feb 19, 2017
Feb 19, 2017 at 3:24 AM UTC
With money
you are happy
with money
you will act silly
with money
you will not be lonely
with money
you do not need this body
with money
you can always be free
with money
you don't want to be
anything that you can be.
with money
nothing is left for you to see.
but with money
you cannot buy the empathy
and with money
you cannot buy
your sanity.
Feb 19, 2017
Feb 19, 2017 at 3:21 AM UTC
It is not impossible
to find joy in pain
when things are
getting sensible
for all of us
to feed a ploy
that will always
play and return
to the initial point
over and over
again.
Tell me
who does not
ever feel
joy in pain?
a veterinary
a mail carrier
a sous chef
a sommelier
a taco vendor
a groundsman
a pilates trainer
a football quarterback
a fast food chain worker
a ship captain in Somalia
they all have tasted
the wine of delight
while they have been
wounded severely
every single day
when they woke up
in the morning
from Monday to Sunday.
As for me
I’d rather
blow away my mind
by blowing
few rolls full of life
before I take
the paper
and detach
the pen cap
from its body
to start writing again.
Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 11:16 AM UTC
Hanging from this tree branch with one arm.
At a height high enough that would hurt a fair bit if I let go.
I'm struck by the weight of my own body.
I'm so tangible... so breakable...
small and weak,
yet tall and strong. I can be anything.
If I weren't here, this tree still would be. Magnificent as nature itself. Yet it's glad I came by this afternoon, this I know.
I stare at the bark, and it seems to pry past my eyes and into my soul, saying "yes, this is real."
I am real.
And I'm so pleased to be so.
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 4:32 PM UTC
*if you asked me to write about something -
the stars, sadness, darkness, death.
i could. and i would.
i would give it to you, clad in astroids for armor,
star-spangled, criss-crossing in between sunbeams and rainbows.
i would give it to you as a wilted flower on a plate,
colorless save for the red of the rotting apple -
the surrealist dream, the existentialist crisis
of oblivion and everything in between.
ask me to write about what i'm feeling now,
ask me to write about my emotions, my thoughts.
i can't.
for i know my thoughts are as different from yours
as a solar eclipse in the andromeda galaxy,
as hope in my vacuum heart.
and that's just the thing.
my "red" will never be the same as your "red",
my "night never the same as your "night".
and my words, are far from adequate
in telling you what i think
of me,
of you,
of us,
of the world.
it is a fundamentalist problem,
a human flaw,
an error in communication,
an inherent imperfection,
a fatalistic trait,
a damning hamartia
that we as humans
will never overcome.
words are powerful,
pictures are more so,
touch just can't be surpassed.
but none will never be enough
to address everything that is as it is,
everything in our heads,
everything.
we are all alone in this world.*
Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 10:27 AM UTC
do you think that baby birds
when falling from their nests
know exactly what's happening?
is the fall longer for them
since their lives have been so short?
so long that when they close their eyes
they can see a human life
from start to finish?
we are all living in the time it takes
peaking little robins
to become food for the ants
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 10:37 PM UTC