#emtoion
not punishing myself for having emotions but forcing myself not to
so sensitive- a sticky gooey bleeding heart
like a licked melted lollipop,
my heart weighs in my chest
my source of conscience
and also guilt
I cant decide if I can go on being so open
I don't want to lose my compassion but I don't want to die keeping it
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
can I keep one thing to myself
is it so hard to be happy with just knowing myself
I find joy in giving and sharing but not in receiving and keeping
-that is going to hurt me one day
it seems as though I cannot find any answers within myself
is that so hard to do
answer one question about myself
even the important one
who am I
the street lamp shines on the pavement in my mind
and I watch through my window
wishing I could share the view with someone else
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
who could ever love someone who is so unsure of herself
and so sensitive
I'm so sensitive
I fear real emotional commitment
why cant I just untie the knot in my chest
when did I tie it in the first place
I plead it to loosen
bleeding fingers prying back the ribbon
but it is too tight
and it has been there so long that the fabric folds in on itself at each curve
almost as if its a ball of ice
but for it to be ice it would have to be cold
and my chest roasts under a fire of emotion that is constantly stoked
so the ice would surely melt
I don't want an empty cavern with cobwebs and stalagmites frozen, reaching up for a heart that disappeared long ago
but I cannot handler the fire in my stomach burning the lining of my chest and climbing up my throat
using the cartilage rings in my esophagus as a ladder to my head
Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 8:59 PM UTC