#emt
My boots were brand new once.
I can still see the box by my front door.
I can still feel the excitement of the first look.
I can still smell the leather in the air.
The crisp smell wrapping around me.
I can still remember the smooth boot and crisp stitches.
They looked the way I felt the first time.
The first time I stepped foot on an ambulance.
Now they look the way I felt the day I left.
The leather so worn and scuffed
Even the stitches looked tired.
The soles of my boots were long since gone.
My boots are tired now.
They no longer shine.
People scoff when they notice
The damage to the leather.
They see no value in damaged goods.
They see no strength.
My boots were brand new once.
Now they have stories.
Now they have value to me
Far greater than any gem or jewel.
They have memories of good and bad.
The kind that either strengthen or destroy you.
Feb 26
Feb 26, 2026 at 11:43 PM UTC
I always swear work doesn’t affect me.
Trauma?! HA! Never.
And for the most part I am ok.
But suddenly I realized as I counted every single calorie; every single bite… scrubbed every surface and washed my hands far too many times..
The fear of gaining weight; of relying on everyone else to care for me…
Just might be coming from the living people whose bodies are actively rotting. Flesh and fluids dripping off the sides of my stretcher.
My ambulance regularly becoming a biohazard until I’ve scrubbed every inch.
Listening to the sounds of weeping patients on their way to the ER for the 5th time this month because no body cares about them.
It’s not death that scares me. Not loss of limbs or sight that worries me. It’s not having anyone who wants to love me. Not having anyone willing to speak for me when I am broken. It’s the idea my mind can be pristinely sharp but my body defeated and needing someone. But no body cares.
That possibility is petrifying.
-ARI
Mar 22, 2023
Mar 22, 2023 at 11:56 AM UTC
It’s such an odd irony
For me to be legally responsible
For lives of strangers
When I can barely keep my own heart beating
The irony that I fill hospitals
With heart broken patients
Whose self-hate has come to life
Leaving trails of loathing etched into their skin
When I fight daily
To keep those thoughts at bay
And my smile so perfectly practiced
Few could even fathom I would ever want to…. Stop
-ARI
Aug 11, 2022
Aug 11, 2022 at 3:50 PM UTC
Because I am a woman
My mind thinks faster
My hands are kinder
My breath comes more controlled
My temper is softer
My soul more forgiving
My resilience stronger
But you see me as weak
For no other reason
Then the fact I am all woman
Yet my boots are just as heavy
My uniform just as worn
My skills just as sharp
I run into the danger just as quickly as you do
And yet you get a smile and a nod
And I just get dismissed
Because I am a woman
Mar 2, 2022
Mar 2, 2022 at 12:25 PM UTC
The first lesson they teach us in EMT class
Is to never lose our compassion,
Never forget that every patient is
A human being with a story, a family, a life.
They tell us to keep our emotions in check
But to never lose our respect,
The trust in the competency and freedom of choice,
For we are the link of survival
On the worst day of their lives.
We were not there to know the reason that led
Up to the call,
But we are there to get them through the danger that followed.
Why then does the text book instruct us to abandon our respect,
Abandon the presumption of humanity
At the mere thought of the words 'developmental disability?'
Why do the words Autism and Down Syndrome suddenly
Make it okay to condescend and patronize as if to a child,
To infantilize an adult whose intelligence we are not qualified to assume?
Why is it my duty to respect a neurotypical patient
And my job to abandon it for the developmentally disabled?
I wonder if they would encourage my peers to treat me the same?
After all, who cares that I am top of the class and squad leader to boot?
Who cares that I answer the most questions or scored highest on the test?
I am autistic. I am considered less than human.
No.
The textbook is wrong,
Primitive despite being updated in 2018.
Respect every patient means Respect ALL,
No exceptions,
No diagnostic caveats.
'First, do no harm.'
Treat with empathy and compassion.
It is their own inhumanity that prevents them
From recognizing the humanity inside us,
The developmentally challenged.
I live on planet Autism,
Population 1 in 59,
No less of a person than any other,
Perhaps more human really.
That humanity is the force behind my First Responder drive.
Do not deign to treat me as small child or foreign planet inhabitant.
Forget the basis in the archaic.
Respect and compassion for all cannot be checked at the door.
I am not less than.
My struggles have, if anything,
Forced me to become more.
Oct 11, 2019
Oct 11, 2019 at 2:50 AM UTC
We come before you Almighty God,
Policeman, Fireman and EMT
to say a prayer before we go
Our ways to each his own Duty
Together now we've come to pray
In case we forget to
During our busy day
The Policeman steps forth,
“Dear God above
Keep us save
and also those we love.
We pray for your unending favor
that we never need use
the rounds we chamber
Our Vests that we wear
for our own protection
please keep 'em bullet proof
and our safety never question”
The Fireman steps up, and then takes a knee
“Dear God above I need you now
I know you're always watching me
In the Fires of our Hell
or on the highway to there
Please keep us from hurt
and not singe a single hair
Give us the strength to lift a wall
or tenderness to pick up a tiny child
give us peace when others are losing it
and peace if the scene starts getting wild”
The EMT takes his stand
“God I guess it's my turn
Not really safety out there
or the protection from a burn
But rather Lord I need your help
let me make the right decision
on every patient that I care for
Their lives in my hands I've been given”
Then all Three stand together
with their heads all bowed low
Dear God above, to all of us
please your mercy would you endow
Keep us safe and bring us home
to our wives and our children
And each time a truck roles out
let it come back safely to it's building
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 12:35 PM UTC