#eds - Hello Poetry

i have never actually broken a bone. the white in my eyes is accompanied by a hint of blue. the scars on my skin have tiny freckles in them and when i close my fist you can almost see through the back of my hand. on a warm summer day i jumped into the pool and my shoulder jumped out of where she was supposed to be. the next day my arm sparked a tattoo of a whole galaxy. i could always touch my hands to the ground when standing. my knees lock to keep me up but i have to make sure i am not going to faint because of that. yoga figures come naturally to me and sitting on a chair doesn't.

0

May 17

May 17, 2026 at 5:55 PM UTC

allerweltskind

my neck hurts and my head is too heavy

i have never actually broken a bone. the white in my eyes is accompanied by a hint of blue. the scars on my skin have tiny freckles in them and when i close my fist you can almost see through the back of my hand. on a warm summer day i jumped into the pool and my shoulder jumped out of where she was supposed to be. the next day my arm sparked a tattoo of a whole galaxy. i could always touch my hands to the ground when standing. my knees lock to keep me up but i have to make sure i am not going to faint because of that. yoga figures come naturally to me and sitting on a chair doesn't.

9

A mangled bird slumps in her gilded cage Surrounded by opulence and feasts she cannot savor Golden bars festooned with rolling joints and popping bones A doll sewn by a child's hand Pull her thread as she buckles like a berry Blood A viscous syrup in her legs Sticky confluence Heartbeat like a hummingbird The nectar would likely cause an eruption of glowing pink hives A rosy sanguine sea Vision blurring Rumination like hands on a clock Round and round Living days like Copy, paste Groundhog's Day Oh, look, it's night again Ice packs and Epsom baths Erratic dreams The clock resets Oh, joy, it's day again

0

Mar 13, 2025

Mar 13, 2025 at 2:18 AM UTC

sean-briere

Perpetually Unwell

A mangled bird slumps in her gilded cage Surrounded by opulence and feasts she cannot savor Golden bars festooned with rolling joints and popping bones A doll sewn by a child's hand Pull her thread as she buckles like a berry Blood A viscous syrup in her legs Sticky confluence Heartbeat like a hummingbird The nectar would likely cause an eruption of glowing pink hives A rosy sanguine sea Vision blurring Rumination like hands on a clock Round and round Living days like Copy, paste Groundhog's Day Oh, look, it's night again Ice packs and Epsom baths Erratic dreams The clock resets Oh, joy, it's day again

22

You ask me how I am “Tired” I say I slur You preach your 3 hours of sleep As though it is a feat A competition in your mind I know I have already won Yet mine isn’t so victorious I have felt years of heavy eyelids pulled down by black fingernails, the bruised under eyes and lust for more sleep A weak bag of bones is all I am now Collapsed at a laugh Or a cry My muscles show no strength Neither do I

0

Jan 9, 2021

Jan 9, 2021 at 6:25 PM UTC

Ellaburtonpoems

Narcolepsy Type 1

You ask me how I am “Tired” I say I slur You preach your 3 hours of sleep As though it is a feat A competition in your mind I know I have already won Yet mine isn’t so victorious I have felt years of heavy eyelids pulled down by black fingernails, the bruised under eyes and lust for more sleep A weak bag of bones is all I am now Collapsed at a laugh Or a cry My muscles show no strength Neither do I

15

the hallway bathroom and i have recently become close again she is a friend to me in all of the worst ways when my body grows too big, the bathroom is always there waiting for me to come back to need her again when no one wants to see my tears she cradles me in her arms lets me sit on her marble tiles lean close to her porcelain seat i whisper secrets to her let her see all of my tears and she comforts me lets me empty everything into her she tells me what i am doing is alright, it won’t hurt anyone my secrets are safe with her but i don’t feel safe with her no one else will hear me no one uses the hallway bathroom maybe that is why she always holds me so tightly she whispers secrets back to me every once and a while she’ll tell me that she’s missed me that it’s been too long or she’ll say that i am finally back where I belong with her, but still alone and sometimes she’ll even give helpful tips “it’s easier to ***** if you plug your nose” “if you try one more time, you’ll feel better, despite the burn in your throat” “just once more, remember to breath this time” we have always had a strained relationship the hallway bathroom and i but i always seem to crawl back to her and she is always ready for me

0

Apr 13, 2020

Apr 13, 2020 at 4:33 AM UTC

Phoenix-Rising

the hallway bathroom

the hallway bathroom and i have recently become close again she is a friend to me in all of the worst ways when my body grows too big, the bathroom is always there waiting for me to come back to need her again when no one wants to see my tears she cradles me in her arms lets me sit on her marble tiles lean close to her porcelain seat i whisper secrets to her let her see all of my tears and she comforts me lets me empty everything into her she tells me what i am doing is alright, it won’t hurt anyone my secrets are safe with her but i don’t feel safe with her no one else will hear me no one uses the hallway bathroom maybe that is why she always holds me so tightly she whispers secrets back to me every once and a while she’ll tell me that she’s missed me that it’s been too long or she’ll say that i am finally back where I belong with her, but still alone and sometimes she’ll even give helpful tips “it’s easier to ***** if you plug your nose” “if you try one more time, you’ll feel better, despite the burn in your throat” “just once more, remember to breath this time” we have always had a strained relationship the hallway bathroom and i but i always seem to crawl back to her and she is always ready for me

40

I forgot how it felt to be hungry How your bones rack for crumbs on the bottom of your heart My bones feel like brittle; ready to break at a gush of wind But Brittle is candy Candy is a sweet delicacy of whom people like me refuse to have Candy is what I believe I can be Only if I change into one of those target plastic models Perfect and pristine, standing as if they are mocking me Making fun of my creatures in the dark And my not-so-ideal summer body I just want a summer body I want to see what other people see in me I want to be all that I could be if I was pretty So I start dropping things off of my menu, drop by drop First a side dish, then my sugary drink That drink should go to hell for how much weight it makes me gain I reach down my throat until my regrets come back up Reminding me I cannot be pretty the way other girls get to be Ducking to the restroom after a meal Anxiety overwhelming every ounce of me as soon as I eat There is beauty in pain, right? Or beauty is pain? Either way, they are correlated That is good enough to allow me to turn myself in who I want to be I was over this, I thought I was over being hungry But then a man stared at me while I was walking to Walgreens I do this to be beautiful for just a moment But I also do this to disappear Don’t look at me like that flesh of meat that day on that broken night I want it to go away even if it means my bones shake on a sunny day Even if my soul weeps at night Even if my friends pick up on what’s wrong Oh, please don’t pick up on what’s wrong Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? Let me be in control of my body Watch me clatter to the floor and please don’t help me Let me shake and quake Watch me wear a heavy sweater and get out of breath walking Let me substitute food for sweet vapor in my lungs oooh it tastes sweet like brittle Let me disappear Please just let me disappear.

0

Feb 27, 2020

Feb 27, 2020 at 11:46 AM UTC

aqueenwithoutathrone

Brittle like candy

I forgot how it felt to be hungry How your bones rack for crumbs on the bottom of your heart My bones feel like brittle; ready to break at a gush of wind But Brittle is candy Candy is a sweet delicacy of whom people like me refuse to have Candy is what I believe I can be Only if I change into one of those target plastic models Perfect and pristine, standing as if they are mocking me Making fun of my creatures in the dark And my not-so-ideal summer body I just want a summer body I want to see what other people see in me I want to be all that I could be if I was pretty So I start dropping things off of my menu, drop by drop First a side dish, then my sugary drink That drink should go to hell for how much weight it makes me gain I reach down my throat until my regrets come back up Reminding me I cannot be pretty the way other girls get to be Ducking to the restroom after a meal Anxiety overwhelming every ounce of me as soon as I eat There is beauty in pain, right? Or beauty is pain? Either way, they are correlated That is good enough to allow me to turn myself in who I want to be I was over this, I thought I was over being hungry But then a man stared at me while I was walking to Walgreens I do this to be beautiful for just a moment But I also do this to disappear Don’t look at me like that flesh of meat that day on that broken night I want it to go away even if it means my bones shake on a sunny day Even if my soul weeps at night Even if my friends pick up on what’s wrong Oh, please don’t pick up on what’s wrong Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? Let me be in control of my body Watch me clatter to the floor and please don’t help me Let me shake and quake Watch me wear a heavy sweater and get out of breath walking Let me substitute food for sweet vapor in my lungs oooh it tastes sweet like brittle Let me disappear Please just let me disappear.

42

Oh wow lookie there! What a marvelous creature If you look closely over there you'll be able to see it a wild hidden disability! Usually they are invisible to the untrained eye But I, Stene Irwiv will show you how you can sometimes spot them! Now all of them look different, but here are a few examples. See that buddy over there? I've been watching over this lad for a while now Notice how he walks slowly almost like a waddle? He also stops to rest more often than the usual guy He's not lazy! just sore. Make sure to be careful and don't touch him unexpectedly! See my friend here has Fibromyalgia, it causes widespread chronic pain. It can also cause migraines, mood swings, and memory issues but remember, since these symptoms are usually invisible on the surface this disability is often overlooked or even called fake by strangers, but also doctors! ****** This next one is a doozy my mate right here looks pretty average on first glance, but if you look closer you might be able to spot what makes her so special. This lovely lady right here has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Because of the defect in her collagen, her skin and ligaments are unusually stretchy. if you were to touch her skin you might feel that it is very soft and fragile and when she stands you might see her knees and other joints bend back farther that usual. She's not just 'double jointed' though, because of the stretchy ligaments, she and others with EDS are at risk of joint dislocations and chronic pain everyday! EDS doesn't just cause pain though, it can also increases a person's risk of ***** rupture or heart problems! Double ****** Remember though, these disabilities can't always be seen so don't judge people prematurely. You see, the person you think is lazy for sitting in the handicapped seats on the bus, or maybe the person parked in a handicapped spot who appears to be fine, or even just the people walking down the street, any one of them might have an invisible disability. but just because they are invisible, that doesn't mean they aren't real. I hope you all enjoyed the show. I'm Stene Irwiv, and this has been Chronic Illness Hunter.

0

Jan 7, 2020

Jan 7, 2020 at 12:29 PM UTC

disabledpoetman

Stene Irwiv the Chronic Illness Hunter

Oh wow lookie there! What a marvelous creature If you look closely over there you'll be able to see it a wild hidden disability! Usually they are invisible to the untrained eye But I, Stene Irwiv will show you how you can sometimes spot them! Now all of them look different, but here are a few examples. See that buddy over there? I've been watching over this lad for a while now Notice how he walks slowly almost like a waddle? He also stops to rest more often than the usual guy He's not lazy! just sore. Make sure to be careful and don't touch him unexpectedly! See my friend here has Fibromyalgia, it causes widespread chronic pain. It can also cause migraines, mood swings, and memory issues but remember, since these symptoms are usually invisible on the surface this disability is often overlooked or even called fake by strangers, but also doctors! ****** This next one is a doozy my mate right here looks pretty average on first glance, but if you look closer you might be able to spot what makes her so special. This lovely lady right here has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Because of the defect in her collagen, her skin and ligaments are unusually stretchy. if you were to touch her skin you might feel that it is very soft and fragile and when she stands you might see her knees and other joints bend back farther that usual. She's not just 'double jointed' though, because of the stretchy ligaments, she and others with EDS are at risk of joint dislocations and chronic pain everyday! EDS doesn't just cause pain though, it can also increases a person's risk of ***** rupture or heart problems! Double ****** Remember though, these disabilities can't always be seen so don't judge people prematurely. You see, the person you think is lazy for sitting in the handicapped seats on the bus, or maybe the person parked in a handicapped spot who appears to be fine, or even just the people walking down the street, any one of them might have an invisible disability. but just because they are invisible, that doesn't mean they aren't real. I hope you all enjoyed the show. I'm Stene Irwiv, and this has been Chronic Illness Hunter.

39

Mama always said my body is a temple but if this is a temple then I never want to worship again I was born into this temple with the foundation already cracked The ceilings are caving in The floor boards wail in pain even with the most gentle of steps I reach for the handle of the front door to get out but the hinges crack and break leaving nothing but agony in my wake the widow screen is ripped and the wires are sticking out the glass is either in shards gripping to the windowsill or in a pile on the floor I can’t get out of this **** temple but staying here is killing me Temples are meant for praising God but I only want to curse him for trapping me here I wish I could tear down this place buts its already doing a pretty good job of doing that on its own. Let me out of this **** temple.

0

Jan 5, 2020

Jan 5, 2020 at 2:03 PM UTC

disabledpoetman

**** Temple

Mama always said my body is a temple but if this is a temple then I never want to worship again I was born into this temple with the foundation already cracked The ceilings are caving in The floor boards wail in pain even with the most gentle of steps I reach for the handle of the front door to get out but the hinges crack and break leaving nothing but agony in my wake the widow screen is ripped and the wires are sticking out the glass is either in shards gripping to the windowsill or in a pile on the floor I can’t get out of this **** temple but staying here is killing me Temples are meant for praising God but I only want to curse him for trapping me here I wish I could tear down this place buts its already doing a pretty good job of doing that on its own. Let me out of this **** temple.

11

My Cat jumps up onto my lap I feel sharp pain my rib goes snap I cannot move I cannot ***** For in my chest is an awful stitch My Cats behind is a lil too thicc For my joints are as strong as a brittle old stick It’s not her concern How I wiggle and turn I’m just trying to put back That rib that made me go ack

0

Jan 5, 2020

Jan 5, 2020 at 2:00 PM UTC

disabledpoetman

Ouchie Rib

My Cat jumps up onto my lap I feel sharp pain my rib goes snap I cannot move I cannot ***** For in my chest is an awful stitch My Cats behind is a lil too thicc For my joints are as strong as a brittle old stick It’s not her concern How I wiggle and turn I’m just trying to put back That rib that made me go ack

11

I wake up to an alarm set ten minutes before I need to get up because I never know how long it will take me to get out of bed. My leg is asleep because at some point in the night my hip did the hokey pokey and turned itself around right out of its socket But hey, my joint problems make me cool because like a transformer I bend and expand putting my joints back into their place. See I'm like a cheap Halloween decoration, Because my skeleton is falling apart at the seams and if that's not bad enough, the only person it's scaring is me.

0

Jan 3, 2020

Jan 3, 2020 at 4:11 PM UTC

disabledpoetman

My Morning Routine

I wake up to an alarm set ten minutes before I need to get up because I never know how long it will take me to get out of bed. My leg is asleep because at some point in the night my hip did the hokey pokey and turned itself around right out of its socket But hey, my joint problems make me cool because like a transformer I bend and expand putting my joints back into their place. See I'm like a cheap Halloween decoration, Because my skeleton is falling apart at the seams and if that's not bad enough, the only person it's scaring is me.

6

Voices in my head constantly tell me I'm not enough, gorgeous enough, thin enough. They tell me I should change who I am because I won't be loved looking rough. They tell me I should have a smaller nose, smaller thighs, smaller everything. They say "you're prettiest friends are your thinner ones. If you wanna be like them then stop eating every single little thing." I'm disgusting, they say. I'm unworthy of love and I'll never find it. "GET YOURSELF THIN." they scream. "AND YOU'LL FIND TRUE LOVE IN A BIT." The voices are cruel. They never let up. They tell me "All of your thin friends get the guys attention, you don't because you're ugly and fat." "They never give you a second thought because you're too big." They spat. I know I'm ugly and fat. I'm not thin. My mind is a toxic place so I'm giving up and giving in.

0

Sep 4, 2018

Sep 4, 2018 at 8:45 PM UTC

abigail-sandquist

Breakdowns (Eating disorder edition)

Voices in my head constantly tell me I'm not enough, gorgeous enough, thin enough. They tell me I should change who I am because I won't be loved looking rough. They tell me I should have a smaller nose, smaller thighs, smaller everything. They say "you're prettiest friends are your thinner ones. If you wanna be like them then stop eating every single little thing." I'm disgusting, they say. I'm unworthy of love and I'll never find it. "GET YOURSELF THIN." they scream. "AND YOU'LL FIND TRUE LOVE IN A BIT." The voices are cruel. They never let up. They tell me "All of your thin friends get the guys attention, you don't because you're ugly and fat." "They never give you a second thought because you're too big." They spat. I know I'm ugly and fat. I'm not thin. My mind is a toxic place so I'm giving up and giving in.

9

My body betrays me Every day But can I complain? What can I say? If I'm honest, I've betrayed it myself.

0

Jan 10, 2015

Jan 10, 2015 at 6:39 AM UTC

SmileNowSunshine

Betrayal might be a two way street

My body betrays me Every day But can I complain? What can I say? If I'm honest, I've betrayed it myself.

6

There's a war on inside me Raging on And I'm fighting. But I'm not free. And never will be. I battle my body... So everyone can see (Especially me) that this war will not end in defeat

0

Dec 21, 2014

Dec 21, 2014 at 3:26 AM UTC

SmileNowSunshine

A war worth waging

There's a war on inside me Raging on And I'm fighting. But I'm not free. And never will be. I battle my body... So everyone can see (Especially me) that this war will not end in defeat

10

Longing for clouds in shallow ground. To go back to the place i was found. The whispers of wind crossing my breath. In every instant I can see the clocks turn. Have i come to myself to learn? In these times of cloudy days iv learned to frown. Become a clown... Cover my face... Live in secret.... In a nightmarish place. Its all i can do to survive in this space There is no grace in this empty place No space..... No space at all.... In this empty place. Looking back threw the pages I awaken the memory. I live in my thoughts in an enigmatic place. Not clear where the others are. Its all i can do to survive in this... There is no space in this empty place. No space.... No space at all.... In this empty space. In dream my reality is delusion... In walking my delusions are dream. So cold of dreams I welcome to finally fill. The chill has become so sharp I cant take this part. Its all i can do to survive in this..... There is no space in this empty place. No space....... No space at all...... In this empty space. Have i come to myself to learn? I have to face....... that someone else needs to fill that space. No space...... No space...... In the empty space. Not clear where the others are..... I have left that place. Left that place...... Left that place.... That painful place. Clouds in shallow grounds. *Living with Chiari Malformation, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) and Dysautonomia

0

Sep 26, 2014

Sep 26, 2014 at 9:40 AM UTC

illegally-insane-girl

Shallow Grounds

Longing for clouds in shallow ground. To go back to the place i was found. The whispers of wind crossing my breath. In every instant I can see the clocks turn. Have i come to myself to learn? In these times of cloudy days iv learned to frown. Become a clown... Cover my face... Live in secret.... In a nightmarish place. Its all i can do to survive in this space There is no grace in this empty place No space..... No space at all.... In this empty place. Looking back threw the pages I awaken the memory. I live in my thoughts in an enigmatic place. Not clear where the others are. Its all i can do to survive in this... There is no space in this empty place. No space.... No space at all.... In this empty space. In dream my reality is delusion... In walking my delusions are dream. So cold of dreams I welcome to finally fill. The chill has become so sharp I cant take this part. Its all i can do to survive in this..... There is no space in this empty place. No space....... No space at all...... In this empty space. Have i come to myself to learn? I have to face....... that someone else needs to fill that space. No space...... No space...... In the empty space. Not clear where the others are..... I have left that place. Left that place...... Left that place.... That painful place. Clouds in shallow grounds. *Living with Chiari Malformation, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) and Dysautonomia

44

My Wings Fail Mother Nature. In my world the sun always shines behind windows tainted.... the color of pink curtains draped threw its rays. Someone take me away from the darkness ....I succumb.... feels so dark. The walls that contain me are to keep me safe..... with its dry stale air.... artificial light .... keeping me from flight. I need the light...... not just any light... one that shines a special way.....down on our oceans, sees and bays......the one that shines on the wild.......it defines my purpose so I do not decline. I miss my mother....... Mother Nature was always able to sooth the pain in my brain..... encourage me to dance.... to sing along. All this eases the constant shame and for a moment I feel I belong.. She showed me many things Id never had known on my own. I learned to swim with her fish and run with her deer....... she taught me to feel so much, such love in her heart, she taught me to speak without any words and showed me many of natures cures. I became addicted to her drawl and now her loss is causing a withdrawal......... like a drug screaming for my all. Now I have to rely on man...... a concept not to familiar to me..... I suffer in his hands..... suffer so....why cant they just let me go. Man was the only creature my Mother could not tell me of........ I was only told I was different.... Not like them.....that I would see. God...I beg to walk in her grass ...dance in her winds...run in her rains...and feel her healing hands. "I can't get up!" I do not understand, its not all about this pain.....it is bearable at times when i try real hard......so why can't I get up.....work or play? I just sit there so quiet as to not even think......? Can't get up to just sit in the sun?.......... there is nothing left but man out there?..... Its just "not" the same. I really do...... as strong as my heart can want to go..... but my legs tire... I can not run.... my wings, to just lift them....how heavy they fell. I am afraid now as the times I have run well..... in... "deceiving me".... my wings still failed. God....I can take the pain....all the pain you can give.....It's taking my Mother from me I can not stand! I am not meant to sit here and dwell, I do not deserve to be in hell. To many times I should have died...so many times I just tried. But you still forgave me.......... I question why....this world is hard and I don't belong.... I cry so hard...for being barred....with absolutely no regard ....such tears I cry knowing how easy it is for them to just discard my life. What shame I feel deep inside.... I keep looking to be rescued for a hero to come...but ....no hoof stomping sounds ......No white horse on my drive...... it always stays predictably quiet. I don't think I trust man or ever did....I think they have forgotten me trapped in here trapped in this land. I don't think I'm going to be rescued or swept away.....I don't think I will ever be that miracle in.... ....I am just one of the forgotten who hide inside....no one to speak of...... as they shut their eyes and cast their own lies in order to survive. I guess no one can lift me from my pain.....no one cares I'm not there......so it really doesn't matter....as if I cared? I care about my God...My mother and the few that understand....the ones who have helped me because they just can. It is ok they laugh at my neck in a noose..... its been always abuse. Never did I disbelieve in you father...... even when I turned by back in anger and said I didn't agree. I have faith there is reasons for me to be the one...the one to hold the brunt of the pain.....make me responsible for others games.....make me suffer in another name...take on all the shame. I can accept this but I beg you now....just give me back my Mother somehow.... I promise to move on from this and make you proud. But my wildness is somehow...more important to me than I could ever tell.................my silent words..... my language she knows.....just get me out ..........tell me my job is done. I do not mind dying alone, but until then I need to go, there are things I need to do....people to touch and show the way. I can not do this when my light is dark....please release me so I can show....that my life was worth this great big show. I need to stretch my wings and fly again.....forget those who tried to steal my glow. As long as you and I know who I am....your love will help my wings expand......so I can sore high above our land. Please let me see my Mother again. AL *Living with Chiari Malformation, Ehlers–Danlos syndrome (EDS) and Dysautonomia.

0

Sep 26, 2014

Sep 26, 2014 at 9:00 AM UTC

illegally-insane-girl

My Wings Fail Mother Nature.

My Wings Fail Mother Nature. In my world the sun always shines behind windows tainted.... the color of pink curtains draped threw its rays. Someone take me away from the darkness ....I succumb.... feels so dark. The walls that contain me are to keep me safe..... with its dry stale air.... artificial light .... keeping me from flight. I need the light...... not just any light... one that shines a special way.....down on our oceans, sees and bays......the one that shines on the wild.......it defines my purpose so I do not decline. I miss my mother....... Mother Nature was always able to sooth the pain in my brain..... encourage me to dance.... to sing along. All this eases the constant shame and for a moment I feel I belong.. She showed me many things Id never had known on my own. I learned to swim with her fish and run with her deer....... she taught me to feel so much, such love in her heart, she taught me to speak without any words and showed me many of natures cures. I became addicted to her drawl and now her loss is causing a withdrawal......... like a drug screaming for my all. Now I have to rely on man...... a concept not to familiar to me..... I suffer in his hands..... suffer so....why cant they just let me go. Man was the only creature my Mother could not tell me of........ I was only told I was different.... Not like them.....that I would see. God...I beg to walk in her grass ...dance in her winds...run in her rains...and feel her healing hands. "I can't get up!" I do not understand, its not all about this pain.....it is bearable at times when i try real hard......so why can't I get up.....work or play? I just sit there so quiet as to not even think......? Can't get up to just sit in the sun?.......... there is nothing left but man out there?..... Its just "not" the same. I really do...... as strong as my heart can want to go..... but my legs tire... I can not run.... my wings, to just lift them....how heavy they fell. I am afraid now as the times I have run well..... in... "deceiving me".... my wings still failed. God....I can take the pain....all the pain you can give.....It's taking my Mother from me I can not stand! I am not meant to sit here and dwell, I do not deserve to be in hell. To many times I should have died...so many times I just tried. But you still forgave me.......... I question why....this world is hard and I don't belong.... I cry so hard...for being barred....with absolutely no regard ....such tears I cry knowing how easy it is for them to just discard my life. What shame I feel deep inside.... I keep looking to be rescued for a hero to come...but ....no hoof stomping sounds ......No white horse on my drive...... it always stays predictably quiet. I don't think I trust man or ever did....I think they have forgotten me trapped in here trapped in this land. I don't think I'm going to be rescued or swept away.....I don't think I will ever be that miracle in.... ....I am just one of the forgotten who hide inside....no one to speak of...... as they shut their eyes and cast their own lies in order to survive. I guess no one can lift me from my pain.....no one cares I'm not there......so it really doesn't matter....as if I cared? I care about my God...My mother and the few that understand....the ones who have helped me because they just can. It is ok they laugh at my neck in a noose..... its been always abuse. Never did I disbelieve in you father...... even when I turned by back in anger and said I didn't agree. I have faith there is reasons for me to be the one...the one to hold the brunt of the pain.....make me responsible for others games.....make me suffer in another name...take on all the shame. I can accept this but I beg you now....just give me back my Mother somehow.... I promise to move on from this and make you proud. But my wildness is somehow...more important to me than I could ever tell.................my silent words..... my language she knows.....just get me out ..........tell me my job is done. I do not mind dying alone, but until then I need to go, there are things I need to do....people to touch and show the way. I can not do this when my light is dark....please release me so I can show....that my life was worth this great big show. I need to stretch my wings and fly again.....forget those who tried to steal my glow. As long as you and I know who I am....your love will help my wings expand......so I can sore high above our land. Please let me see my Mother again. AL *Living with Chiari Malformation, Ehlers–Danlos syndrome (EDS) and Dysautonomia.

44