#dumbed
I lay on my bed early morning
After having to wake up at 5 am
Not that I wanted my night to end that fast
All I think about is how much of a big mistake
My stupid want for someone was
I should have been a little selfish
Then I would have seen through the pretext
But blinded for a need of someone I didn't need
I got something I didn't want
Then I had to accept
And learn to love something that was a bad idea in the first place
And now here we are
As I radiate in my love for him
I can't help but shed tears
Of how it all hurts
That I didn't know it would be this hard
But pushing forward is all that can be done
For looking back just brings more tears
And when you have the audacity
To call me any day to make yourself feel better
I get to understand
That I'm perhaps the only one
Who cares too much about other people
Enough to forget my own happiness
Today I made coffee
Not sure how that happened
Because I'm allergic to coffee
Then my eyes got to open
And I saw how frustrated I am
Not sure what holds more account to my frustration
But one, two, three and perhaps more men
Are on top of the list
It's time I made peace
With the fact that I was used
And of course duped
Into caring for someone
And perhaps people
Who don't give a ****
Now that you are into my life
My little source of joy
And sometimes frustration
But my love for you
Can never compare to any
Even though I'm never going to get enough sleep
Or time for myself
My love for you will never go away
The other day
Another asked to see me
Not because he would come
But for me, and my baby
To travel and go see him
Not to count the counties he needed us to cross
And hours on the bus
Yet he isn't even sure he wants us
I'm not even sure what to say about him
But now my dear
Its time I accepted
That I am responsible
For both you and me
And that sleep is a luxury
And that mommy
Is always right
And that's me
Now that the best view
Comes from the hardest climb
We're going to get the view
Not sure when
But the patience and perseverance
Will be definitely worth it
Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 5:08 PM UTC
That I don't die soon
Check in with my conscious
Every now and then
The torture felt deep down
Somewhere inside my head
Hope I'm the only person
That's hurt being apart
Like a cut finger nail
Useless and decaying
I'm sorry but I'm breakable
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 4:52 PM UTC