#dreamfisher
Don't my words look good on paper,
Dripping from the warmth of conviction
Trailing honestly leading you along.
Spreading like ink blots doctors use
To show how sinisterly I am wrong.
Keep growing, smearing onto your hands
At long last, you look back at a page
Coming to see, it's only ink.
The story disappears within
Like a cave, not visible how far it goes,
How far it goes and how deep you're in.
If it's all the same, in darkness,
No one notices how far they drop.
A year can pass in seconds
Losing a second of eternity without the clocks.
Catching yourself from spinning, dizzy,
When the ride abruptly stops.
You can never get back on,
The entrance looks all boarded up,
The lights all shut off.
But don't I look good on paper,
Illegible scrawling no one read.
Before the ink took over,
They'll wonder what it said.
Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 10:23 PM UTC
She dances on ivories
To a small bar dreams came to die
Closing her eyes as each digit sweeps
Becoming sound as fast as her fingers fly.
Hoping her music will set her free
From a town she lingered too long.
She plays them the song she's felt
In every bone, letting the piano tell
The words she's too afraid to say.
She dances on ivories
Live on a stage with attention of many
Looking for familiar faces but doesn't see any.
Her music takes her places far and wide
Everything she wanted, still it doesn't feel right.
Adored by her fans in a personal spotlight,
Loved for her sound, shaking countless hands
Thousands fill the stands as she's grown
With each show, she feels more alone.
She dances on ivories
For her family listening to her play,
Telling her children if they try to be,
They can be anything if they practice everyday.
"But listen, no matter how much you grow
Don't ever forget this is your home."
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 11:09 PM UTC
An older lady came to the pharmacy
To pick up her oxycodone twenties,
Her copay wasn't much money,
Double counted a hundred twenty
As close to me as you stand,
I explained her doctor prescribed Narcan.
In case of overdose, one spray up the nose
Can save yourself or someone else.
She twisted her face to me real funny,
And said "What do you take me for a druggie?"
She took the vial, left the spray
As I waved with a have a nice day.
She felt accused by me, in a huff,
Threw the pills up in her cabinet.
As fate would have it, her granddaughter
Came over and spotted the bottle with red cap.
Imagining the high if she could get that,
Imagining the euphoria as she stole that.
Sneaking off into the bathroom
Downing tap, she consumed a few.
Something wasn't right, her breath felt light,
Disoriented trying to read the label,
Hands shaking, feeling her body dive,
She saw the number twenty, thinking they were fives.
Unresponsive, her grandmother runs in
With the sound of a heavy crash,
She waits for paramedics who arrive at last.
Only to announce, nothing to be saved
Now she digs a grave for pride over a nasal spray.
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 11:57 PM UTC
We don't speak the same language,
Cultured different, made out to be strangers.
I'm a human, you're human. Let's change this
Perception of devalued nature.
My race doesn't determine my worth,
I denounce every advantage they gave my birth.
Take my heart at the value of my whole,
Tell me, what color is soul?
Forget our looks, judging any as a felon,
You think it's a crime to have melanin?
Every parent wants their child to make it home
If they aren't up to trouble, leave the kid alone.
Offer money to women to devalue their ***
That's a person you treat only as flesh.
Don't dare make any feel less than whole,
Tell me, what color is soul?
If your religion is speaking for peace,
Your beliefs are positioned with me.
Quiet, listen and I swear you would see
Your enemy is not what you believe.
All any want is decency,
To be spoken with respectfully,
Still we strike others down so low.
Tell me. What color is soul?
Feb 24, 2020
Feb 24, 2020 at 12:55 AM UTC
I pulled my colors from their storage
Red, blue, yellow, purple, green, and orange
The case they sat was old,
With rust and squeaky hinges.
Painting fruit: Grapes, apples, and oranges
******* the colors up through syringes,
Precision causing anxious twinges.
Picturing perfect afterimages
But my art just makes me cringe.
I rhyme well but, shouldn't try to paint an orange,
Placing my supplies back in storage.
Feb 23, 2020
Feb 23, 2020 at 9:54 PM UTC
If you can affect one person, it's worth it.
Your story, your hurt, your love.
Show them where your heart has sat with purpose.
Nervously posting my pen to them,
Hoping they see some truth to what I've said.
No I'm not a trend setter, just writing letters
Looking to clear my head before bed.
I never plan to be much a super man,
Most days I barely slip by as Clark Kent
Laughing off the world in a joker's lie
While I bury all of these deep thoughts inside,
Just to flip the coin, more relatable to Harvey Dent.
Only to deduce that I suffer from self-abuse,
Making me a basket case, Harley Quinn.
But if all ever live to do is inspire you
To take a risk and follow through
On any shot you've potentially got
Then my mission in life has come true.
In spite of living in the darkness,
I want to shine light instead.
Feb 23, 2020
Feb 23, 2020 at 11:33 AM UTC
I got a message today that said:
"Hey Ryan, I know your father.
Did you know, you look just like your father?"
Oh, you know my father?
I don't know him at all, he never bothered.
I'm not the child he ever wanted.
But when I look in that mirror
And see his face, I wish I could waste myself.
I know you didn't know, it shows.
He talks like he was there, which isn't fair,
I receive a message once a year
"Happy birthday" I don't get why.
Just to say to himself he tried?
The only thing I can say are ours
Is every one of those mental scars
That get ripped open in his name.
Sixteen years so far of feeling lame.
You know my father?
Can you tell me...
Does he answer when you call?
When you write, does he answer at all?
You know my father?
That's nice to hear, I don't.
Feb 22, 2020
Feb 22, 2020 at 11:07 AM UTC
The closer you get to the truth,
The more lost you will become.
Search for answers, there's a chance your
Entity within yourself will be undone.
Following this rope where it may go
Learning later it led to a noose.
Still follow those animalistic instincts
Until you're in too deep,
Wondering what that path would show.
Pay attention as you walk this way,
The sunflowers all turn their flowerheads.
Don't dismiss them, instead listen,
heliotropism shows you've gone astray.
Like oysters following a carpenter until dead
To a Walrus they had been fed.
Look around, the trees all look the same
Look around, walking in circles again.
Ensnared in what you had to know
Each limb entangled, being pulled
Every secret revealed in a flash.
Curiosity took a knife to ****** the cat
But satisfaction brought him back,
Keep walking until you find your home.
Feb 21, 2020
Feb 21, 2020 at 6:10 PM UTC
She sits out on the sand
Stretching her wings out,
Watching the others fly over the land,
She doubts her ability to soar
Over the waves as they crash.
She's afraid to take that jump,
Worried everyone would just laugh.
She turns back.
Up on a strong birch branch
She looks into a self-made nest
Where three dreamy eyed children hatched
Providing them a life she wished she had,
Hoping they see she tries her best
In a place where rest isn't even rest.
She cries out to the sun
As it drifts out from where she lays
Wondering when the day would come
When she has the strength to fly away
Feb 20, 2020
Feb 20, 2020 at 4:06 PM UTC
You don't need a tall tower
With staircases twisting for miles
Or cameras watching at every hour
Making sure you stay idle
To lock someone off and away,
Give all the fake freedom
Keeping them closely at bay
Hand them beautiful desires
With no emotion behind them,
Learning nothing gold can stay.
Hand off lots of paints and pens
Let them fall in love with an art
Then call it waste restricting passion.
Build them up to be flawless,
Put later to a mirror, showing hardness
In their weight, their love, their soul.
Treated like puzzles stealing just a piece
So they may never feel whole.
You don't need a cage to hold a prisoner
Not a single iron bar is needed
Just strip them of their worth
Until they sit stoic and defeated.
Feb 19, 2020
Feb 19, 2020 at 2:58 PM UTC
It started in the fiction section
Beginning with a trickle causing lights to flicker
From the floors below hitting the dictionaries,
The thesauruses became wet or rather dank
Those are synonyms I think
Unfortunately, no books to now know
As a storm in the library began to grow.
Children abandoned in their places,
Started tying books with their shoe laces
Setting sail, trying to hold their head up for a bit.
As a white whale's tail caused waves in a flick.
One parent yelled "everyone for themself!"
As his son coughed water asking for help
Books floating, amongst dirt and crude,
The third floor was beginning to flood.
The nonfiction was now non-existent,
Drifting past CDs that no one had listened.
Computers with a floppy drive were fried,
Electrically hissing through historical fiction.
The water came to hit the roof, the sky
Just then the walls crumbled
And I opened my eyes
To see I'd fallen asleep among the graphic novels
Where I had been known to hide.
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 10:20 PM UTC
Excuse me, sir
Can I buy a bit of time?
Death day is coming fairly soon
Looking at stars, I could read the signs
Slicing scythes through souls
To leave a hole in my whole being.
Without any modification still,
I feel a broken existence is all they're seeing.
That's not to say this life is shallow
But the targets I am aiming just end up breaking
When my points are sitting hollow.
Sir, if I could have a moment more,
My life fluid dripping from my heart
Puddling the bathroom floor.
No one tends to notice, no one stops
Today, I kick the bucket. Tomorrow, they just mop.
Forgetting to be human
To all other human beings,
Writing cries but no one's reading.
Please, if I could have a second...
Okay, no hand wavering, I get it.
Just let me close my eyes
Drifting into another spectrum.
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 9:48 AM UTC
The witching hours, we aren't afraid of those,
Heaven knows we pray for sleep
Only to dream of having dreams
Stuck in the darkness of this in between
Keeping consciousness but, honest this
Baggage has been weighing heavy.
These flood gates still hold steady,
Under pressure they may just break the levee,
Cracking slowly all the time,
For all the things attacking your mind,
I wrote this lullabye.
Streaming through insomniac days
That just fade out like memories
Barely there despite being awake.
Shaking the feeling of dealing
With the ghost I call myself
Until I can slip into my bed and melt.
Can I host a night where rest is felt?
Maybe not, yet still I try,
Writing myself a lullabye.
Two became three, three came four
Numbers shining from my dresser drawers
Taunting, laughing, trapping me in my head
I tried to write a lullabye
Only to find a nightmare instead.
Feb 17, 2020
Feb 17, 2020 at 9:14 AM UTC
When all the lights fly out
From the insects we use to collect,
Staying up under a tree with an old wooden swing
Pushing higher to see if you could project
Yourself over the branches above.
Telling me someday you'd escape
As you pulled the lid away
Watching those neon colors go up.
In the blink of an eye,
We became the adults we tried
So hard not to become.
Pretending as children we knew our futures,
Fabricating ideas, really we had none.
As we got older and distant,
I sit under this tree and miss
The person who sat next to me.
As the wind blows cold air,
A rickety swing moves slow
Almost knowing I wish you were here.
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 2:53 PM UTC
In the kingdom of the lost,
The one who is found
Still doesn't have a home.
In the crowd of people I saw,
The one who knew everyone
Was the person who felt the most alone.
As they call anyone for help,
Perpetuating back only dial tone.
Some entangle themselves in abuse
Misreading love for a noose
Until they have the courage to cut through
Too late to know who they are anymore,
Blank shells falling to the floor
With a final shot to their body, no more.
One final shot and she's gone.
In the kingdom of the blind,
The one eyed man isn't king.
He sits on that throne wondering
If he's the only one who doesn't see.
Crying out through his days
Wishing to understand the beautiful things
Unknown to only he.
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 11:39 PM UTC
I went to my room and sat regressing
My mind distressing, dissecting our conversation.
You said we need to end this as we got older
Thinking of anyone else on my shoulder. I can't.
I gave my heart, taken in your soul, locked away.
Standing in a state of shock as you talked,
As you walked me through everything you meant to me,
Forget that, everything I meant to you.
The part of all of this that really stands out,
The part, to this day, you don't believe
Is that as you were about to jump south,
I grabbed your hand and begged you not to leave
Selfishly, I saved you. Really you had saved me.
I'm sorry, you felt I held you back in restraint,
Only seeing in color as you gave me the paint,
Only to sit in stagnant waters as you waved.
We made goals in the present, remember?
Gifting me with a future, for better or worse
You were mine, I was yours.
Now here in this place alone in a curse
Of every memory we made, that burns
Happiness in a moment,
Sadness to be atoned with.
Still sitting here, my head aches in confusion,
The illusion of forever never felt fake.
You've got demons to fight
I just thought I was the sidearm you'd take
As the night's getting colder
My thirst for your presence leaves me awake,
So I did as you say, made lemonade
Yet the more that I drink,
The more parched my mouth stays.
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 7:06 PM UTC
I grew up in a small town just like you,
Wandering the streets with nothing to do.
We had dreams of beautiful chaos
Only stopping to laugh off our lives,
Don't talk about the issues that keep us up at night,
Standing broken but whole in the right light,
Standing whole seen through broken eyes.
Remember the times we hit the highway
Flying fast, transitioning from the 81 to 80
Hoping we might just run out of gas
Giving us a reason to not turn back,
While listening to all the anthems
That made us miss a childhood we never had.
With tears in your eyes,
you turned the music down low
Meeting your solemn gaze
You begged me not to take you home.
I grew up in a small town just like you
Until the night we didn't turn around
In search of something new
Feb 13, 2020
Feb 13, 2020 at 1:55 PM UTC
Six people in every line,
I wait the time, it's really fine.
I'm sure they're busy, no need to tizzy,
The cashier looks dizzy in a rush.
While the man in front of me is getting flushed
He's yelling incoherently for all to see,
Apologies, sir, the rest of us
Have no place to be as you believe.
The line is moving,
placing everything on the conveyor
They're out of plastic so they bag in paper.
The cashier scans all of it in ten seconds flat
"Cash or card, sir?" I forgot my wallet.
Time to put it all back
Feb 12, 2020
Feb 12, 2020 at 7:49 PM UTC
Laying up late, flipping through magazines,
Look at these beautiful people,
The bodies of angels who deserve to be seen,
Reading articles, thinking one day,
That could be me.
I just need to lose this waste of flesh, of fat,
Looking into a mirror of everything I hate.
Models can do it, they aren't just built like that.
Thinking one day, that could be me.
I'll skip lunch for a week, just speak
As if I'd eaten a lot before
No one will question me, I'm sure.
I'm quiet regardless, I started cutting down
On the other meals as they come around.
I've been a little dizzy and lightheaded
But I already lost 20 pounds,
One day I'll be beautiful,
Standing over a speechless crowd.
People are starting to take notice,
I'm nervous, making excuses.
I eat here and there so they know I've had enough
Then slip off to get it back up.
My chest hurts a little but I can reach my goal,
To be like the beautiful people, I would sell my soul
Even if I had to starve myself whole.
Feb 11, 2020
Feb 11, 2020 at 2:48 PM UTC
I sit in a room with a pen and a pad,
Was called a failure by most,
I needed to show the potential I had.
The same people that turned into ghosts
Were the same who said they were glad
I never gave up, they were cheering me on. Thinking on my past, everyone was gone
No one wanted to see the levels I was thinking.
I'm sorry, I can never give up on dreaming.
If all this life is, is a nine to five,
I don't feel I am even alive.
You can work a soulless job, don't get me wrong,
Everybody needs some cash for food,
But working your life away seems wrong,
That concept isn't new.
They'll tell you life is all about money,
Material greed that keeps you running
Still the heart of your body wants something
Deep down you know the truth.
Your worth is only measured in printed paper
For someone to cut you down with later.
Week after week you get that paycheck
Still questioning if you have their respect,
Still questioning if you have self-respect.
Until the day, they need you, you don't need it.
However today, I sit with this pen
Digging deep for the inspiration
Not to quit.
Feb 10, 2020
Feb 10, 2020 at 11:46 PM UTC
I went to use my voice as I awoke
But as the words were about to be spoke,
A hundred knives poked into my throat
Each syllable gave a jab and poke.
Quietly, I laid in bed, not speaking another note.
I went to my medicine cabinet
Grabbing a handful these and those,
The water on the stove is bubbling
To a cherry flavored packet of bovine bones.
Reading an article telling to drink the mixture,
Looking into the bowl, I whispered, "no"
My head is starting to pound,
Eyes starting to feel heavy and thick
Hearing only a heavy pulse for sound,
I think I'm starting to get sick.
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 12:22 PM UTC
On the days I don't know what to write,
I write about not knowing what to write.
Each word rattling, wanting to play
But I fear my original thoughts are cliche.
The inspirational quote I wrote, feeling powerful,
As I put it down, just felt so dull and bland.
Full poems, pulling at my heart
Disappear into that nowhere land
Like sands sifting from an hourglass
Onto the beach, blending back.
I painted landscapes in a moment
Pouring water, after, over the canvas
I couldn't stand to see myself portrayed generically.
As the brush had hit the fabric,
I believed this was my vision and I owned it.
The colors flowing out had shown
A piece to this world I called "unknown".
Thinking on all those almost created,
I wish I kept them, maybe,
My future self would have found one amazing,
Maybe someone would have related.
Feb 7, 2020
Feb 7, 2020 at 5:08 PM UTC
How quickly they can feed you fire,
How quickly they can take it away.
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 4:34 PM UTC
Laying on a hospital bed, she said
"Tell me about heaven" in a soft gasp,
Placing back the oxygen mask,
Her eyes shown a desire to know,
Breaths keeping steady but slow.
Okay.
You know the gates they speak,
Big and pearly with a man ready to greet?
That's all totally fake.
Close your eyes and picture an empty room,
Now this place is yours to assume.
Your old friends will visit in a minute
As the name zooms through your self.
In the form you've held most dear.
Emotions, good and bad still run strong
But if you need composure, you can turn them off.
A place can be all perfect, still everything should be felt.
Existence for each is just what they need,
Some want a challenge, others just need to be.
The expectation created, sounds good but flawed,
Perfection can curse that's why it's not.
As the machines stopped beeping,
Oxygen seeping through tubes
But not being held, it was time.
You opened your eyes to a room
I painted for your mind.
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 3:33 PM UTC
It's pretty crazy thinking like this,
It's pretty amazing the words that were writ
In my hand, without command, lands with
People across the world, similar souls,
Similar goals, I'm looking for peace.
Searching for depressive thoughts to release.
I show them a Hydra living inside,
They show me beasts of similar size.
Similar minds pretending everything is fine,
But if this hurt is so common, why do we hide?
Embarrassed admission will eat us alive.
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 9:52 AM UTC