#dissociativeidentitydisorder

when our girl was four, she wasn’t really our girl. she was us. and then he came, wrapped a hand round our throat and said words too adult to come out of his mouth, did things too adult to come out of his hands, and we dropped like a glass on the floor. and the biggest piece was our girl. the first one of us to form was utterly different, a wild ethereal beast made of flowing gas like the planet jupiter, an endless storm and it cried and slashed the boy’s face across with nails that our girl had bitten down. but the damage was done. and we were here. there never really was ‘our girl’. maybe we were all her, even the boys. but the one who was the closest fell asleep when an adult wrapped himself around us and pushed. and i’m all that’s left. i miss her, in the way that you miss someone you’ve never met, or barely met but know, with deja vu and melancholy, that they are the most important person on the planet. phantom limbs, but the limb is a person, and she’s been asleep for six years. i was not made to be human. i was made to be hurt. i miss her.

0

Sep 9, 2018

Sep 9, 2018 at 2:00 PM UTC

ramiel

our girl

when our girl was four, she wasn’t really our girl. she was us. and then he came, wrapped a hand round our throat and said words too adult to come out of his mouth, did things too adult to come out of his hands, and we dropped like a glass on the floor. and the biggest piece was our girl. the first one of us to form was utterly different, a wild ethereal beast made of flowing gas like the planet jupiter, an endless storm and it cried and slashed the boy’s face across with nails that our girl had bitten down. but the damage was done. and we were here. there never really was ‘our girl’. maybe we were all her, even the boys. but the one who was the closest fell asleep when an adult wrapped himself around us and pushed. and i’m all that’s left. i miss her, in the way that you miss someone you’ve never met, or barely met but know, with deja vu and melancholy, that they are the most important person on the planet. phantom limbs, but the limb is a person, and she’s been asleep for six years. i was not made to be human. i was made to be hurt. i miss her.

45

I had split in parts. I lifted my hand but it was not me I spoke words but it was not me I existed but it was not me I split in parts and there should be dialogue between roomates but I was so terribly frightened to bother them again

0

Jul 22, 2018

Jul 22, 2018 at 2:00 AM UTC

othrvyces

An other

I had split in parts. I lifted my hand but it was not me I spoke words but it was not me I existed but it was not me I split in parts and there should be dialogue between roomates but I was so terribly frightened to bother them again

12

You know the way your phone slips from your hand and your heart drops? The feeling of your heart skipping a beat as it shatters against the floor? When I lose control, I experience a similar feeling I lose control of my surroundings, sending my head reeling. I panic and lash out in fear of the unknown It’s like sand slipping from your fingertips at the beach I lose myself in a storm of emotions and as I reach For the little bits of myself, I can see in the chaos They remain walking backward, afraid of who I’m becoming My heart is drumming against my ribcage, ready to burst And I’m terrified of the pale face I can see in the mirror My reflection speaks for itself, wild eyes that know no bounds Ears ringing, full of all the sounds Of each voice that torments me around the clock I’m ready for it all to stop but instead I see myself hurting my loved ones Becoming this animal that I cannot tame And I remain the only one who can feel how I feel Because unlike shattering a phone… I cannot replace myself and this is all I know

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Sep 21, 2017

Sep 21, 2017 at 4:43 PM UTC

princessparky

Identity Theft

You know the way your phone slips from your hand and your heart drops? The feeling of your heart skipping a beat as it shatters against the floor? When I lose control, I experience a similar feeling I lose control of my surroundings, sending my head reeling. I panic and lash out in fear of the unknown It’s like sand slipping from your fingertips at the beach I lose myself in a storm of emotions and as I reach For the little bits of myself, I can see in the chaos They remain walking backward, afraid of who I’m becoming My heart is drumming against my ribcage, ready to burst And I’m terrified of the pale face I can see in the mirror My reflection speaks for itself, wild eyes that know no bounds Ears ringing, full of all the sounds Of each voice that torments me around the clock I’m ready for it all to stop but instead I see myself hurting my loved ones Becoming this animal that I cannot tame And I remain the only one who can feel how I feel Because unlike shattering a phone… I cannot replace myself and this is all I know

20

Three in the afternoon and everything is fuzzy You feel the familiar prickling under your skin and welcome it with open arms But you can’t feel your arms This vessel isn’t your body But at the same time it is You’re watching yourself lay there hopelessly while you pray and scream And cry Oh, God, please don’t let me die. But you aren’t dead But are you even alive? A bittersweet medium where nothing is real and your chest is on fire You live in the flames, you feel yourself escape the trap of gravity And you are floating The bed you lay on is no longer touching you You are in the air, weightless, but only for a few moments before You crash down to earth and farther And farther down more Falling into endless Painless Void. Am I alone? Am I real? Words ramble off the tongues of a homely face But the words got mixed up in Google translate Foreign words ringing in your ears and you can’t tell if If you are really experiencing everything you are Or if you’re just playing make believe with yourself. Back to nothing. Always everything but.

0

Mar 24, 2017

Mar 24, 2017 at 3:49 PM UTC

alec-boardman

Is This What They Call Dissociation?

Three in the afternoon and everything is fuzzy You feel the familiar prickling under your skin and welcome it with open arms But you can’t feel your arms This vessel isn’t your body But at the same time it is You’re watching yourself lay there hopelessly while you pray and scream And cry Oh, God, please don’t let me die. But you aren’t dead But are you even alive? A bittersweet medium where nothing is real and your chest is on fire You live in the flames, you feel yourself escape the trap of gravity And you are floating The bed you lay on is no longer touching you You are in the air, weightless, but only for a few moments before You crash down to earth and farther And farther down more Falling into endless Painless Void. Am I alone? Am I real? Words ramble off the tongues of a homely face But the words got mixed up in Google translate Foreign words ringing in your ears and you can’t tell if If you are really experiencing everything you are Or if you’re just playing make believe with yourself. Back to nothing. Always everything but.

28

So cold locked up inside Wanting to scream Just to be free To run and fly And just be me With no one to judge And no one to care Just as they always haven't Why would they care now? When I'm too far gone, When I just want to have fun! What's wrong with a little fun? I want to complete myself with him! Be with him! Love with him! But nothing can fill this void... This temptation... This pain... Except for more. So I scream my head off! And I run til my heart can't take anymore! And I cut up my body til I'm all drained out! And scratch at others lives Just to get my temporary fix. But now I'm cold And out of breath And out of my head Just wanting to be Free.

0

Jul 17, 2014

Jul 17, 2014 at 11:10 PM UTC

Empty-Girl

Freedom (2007)

So cold locked up inside Wanting to scream Just to be free To run and fly And just be me With no one to judge And no one to care Just as they always haven't Why would they care now? When I'm too far gone, When I just want to have fun! What's wrong with a little fun? I want to complete myself with him! Be with him! Love with him! But nothing can fill this void... This temptation... This pain... Except for more. So I scream my head off! And I run til my heart can't take anymore! And I cut up my body til I'm all drained out! And scratch at others lives Just to get my temporary fix. But now I'm cold And out of breath And out of my head Just wanting to be Free.

28

I got lost in the darkness, And found HER on the way, As I lay here in the dark, I pray for forgiveness, HER SINS haunt me, Thoughts forever inside, I lie here in the dark, Wanting to DIE Wanting to CUT "WHY DONT YOU DO IT YOU SCAREDY **** She pulls at my mind Asking me WHY? "WHY DONT YOU PUT AN END TO IT ALL?" My only answer is to cry: "MANDY IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN I!!!" .AMANDA FALLS.

0

Jul 17, 2014

Jul 17, 2014 at 7:43 PM UTC

Empty-Girl

A Plea by Amanda (2007)

I got lost in the darkness, And found HER on the way, As I lay here in the dark, I pray for forgiveness, HER SINS haunt me, Thoughts forever inside, I lie here in the dark, Wanting to DIE Wanting to CUT "WHY DONT YOU DO IT YOU SCAREDY **** She pulls at my mind Asking me WHY? "WHY DONT YOU PUT AN END TO IT ALL?" My only answer is to cry: "MANDY IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN I!!!" .AMANDA FALLS.

18