#dissociative
Drifting metaphysically
Popcorn poppin’ inside the pan
Is it the skies or the eyes?
Viscously dripping on the mind
Stone age crushing the cortex
The ****** monkey funambulist
All limbs left the body
Paradisaical nation I've been to
In a movie, I watched with eyes sewed
I'm acrylics drooling on a burial canvas
I listen to the ears, ‘cause truth is the animal
The chest weights like a pyramid
F
i i
r r
e ~~~~~~ e
Such rib cage became ceramic
Hybrid flames churned the airways
The nebula is exotic poison
Tropical pilgrim feeling an Amazonas of dreams
All critters above kings or queens
Mar 14
Mar 14, 2026 at 8:17 AM UTC
lovingly will i remember this incongruous Earth,
as will the incongruous Earth remember my meek footsteps...
and the tide who, aslant over her own vignette, asks nothing and answers everything,
and now the remaining roots twirl through the sky aslant,
and the vitriol drinks anything that is not water, and swallows the froth and swallows its own name
trompe l'oeil... beneath my molten self!
(or is it above, or both at once?)
this antithesis envenoms the limits, envenoms itself, envenoms me
i try to snare it, try to swathe it, try to swathe myself into it
nothing waits anymore, nothing taints anymore, nothing is that serious...
or is it that seriousness taints into me, into the roots, into the tide...
i odiously tasted what’s left of dignity, and it odiously tasted what’s left of me, and we odiously tasted each other in a language of odium...
does God ask questions i cannot answer, or does it answer the ones i have not asked?
does the vitriol drink, or does it dream of drinking?
i have tried to let the roots scatter, i have tried to let them gather
but they will always twirl and twirl and twirl
Dec 9, 2025
Dec 9, 2025 at 12:16 PM UTC
I’ve hidden lost sermons in my casual breath.
I folded them tight, pushed them into sarcasm.
We laughed at the joke, but you missed the ambiguity.
Some words only sharpen once their form leaves a chasm.
Some things we call unstable, wrong, or unfit—
Become relics we look to, only once their time’s gone.
No one hears the meaning of a prophet, mid-scream,
But we quote them the day that their truth breaks the dawn.
Some of us never even asked to be understood,
We can only hope to echo in your afterthought.
Because truth’s never loud—It’s subtle... Its dissonant…
So, its often mistaken, or ignored left to rot.
I live like a myth half-believed by its maker.
I pulse in and out, like static through wires.
My silence burns louder than sermons of choirs,
In golden temples built on sinful desires.
I left signals in inkblots, on letters I never sent,
And in the way that I’d pause before saying goodbye.
One day you might study those absences closer—
They’ll sing of my essence when I can no longer try.
Cause I once left my essence outside in the rain.
Just to see if it rots, or if a new one would sprout.
Turns out, it likes to sing—but only backwards,
And only to those who tried blocking it out.
This left me so lost that I swallowed a compass,
Just to feel in my gut, something real point to me.
But the needle kept swaying like my body still does.
Some directions are given, some were never meant to be.
If you were to ask me what my words really mean,
I might say, “What makes you think they mean anything?”
Meaning is a parasite; it only lives when it’s fed—
And I’ve starved that parasite to death. Repeatedly…
There’s a hallway in me that will never lead out—
Just dissociates to ensure you’re alone.
The paradox is fixed. You can’t change its course.
You’d rather tread blind, but it demands being shown.
I might carve these bitter truths into the air.
Won’t see them, but you’ll cough, and know they were there.
You’d blame me for the smoke, and you’d call me unstable.
Ignore my intention, or you might not even care.
And maybe I am filthy, misbegotten, and unstable.
But when my tremors stop, I hope you notice my frame.
And the glow that I buried, might finally surface.
Then you might learn to love me for the darkness you shamed.
You might quote this clean, rid my words of the blood.
Say my signals were sent, from the God in your head.
When you sing my sad sonnets, you might guild them in gold.
I promise... This sounds so much better when I’m dead.
©
♦ Đerek Λbraxas ♦️
"The Quantum Bound Poet"
May 21, 2025
May 21, 2025 at 10:56 AM UTC
Bones built with empty tp rolls
Skin scratchy paper
Brain stitched with badly written poems
Veins flowing *****
Eyes rolled with strawberry swishers
Nose bleeding paint
Chest dried out in the sink
//
Feet laying down for the night
Thoughts stain the sheets
\\
Oct 19, 2020
Oct 19, 2020 at 2:37 AM UTC
Slowly letting go
Daydreaming lovers and lies untold
Bold but homely
Bored and lonely
Cross-eyed and painless
Strung out and brainless
Uncomfortable oh comely
Emptiness, friendlessness
I still exist - I think.
I know this isn't all there is
***** beautiful, broke, and free
Is the only state in which I find peace.
Dawn is breaking and so am I
Daylight bright in misty eyes
I woke alone, in my tent in a forest;
hugged and kissed the void good morning
I miss something I've never had and it's vicious in my mind.
Aug 23, 2020
Aug 23, 2020 at 12:39 AM UTC
the disconnect seemed to push me further and further to myself.
the word seemed dark again
and there was nothing for me to hold on onto,
nothing for me to keep me grounded.
everything and everyone felt so far away.
i could hold my friends hands and they could touch my shoulder but i still didn't feel here.
Jan 29, 2019
Jan 29, 2019 at 9:03 AM UTC
I am so much
Better
Than you would have me believe,
And each time you do this
I stand taller than you think I can
But I am exhausted
Of being stronger than they all believe,
When it doesn’t get me anywhere.
Anger is starting to quell and fill up my head along with the misery,
I don’t see the point of stopping it.
They give me no reason to conquer anything.
You have no idea
What all of this amounts to,
It actually makes me feel a bit hysterical
About how many things are wrong with this,
How many thoughts and feelings have been conjured from the impact;
The impact,
That you, of course, deny is even happening.
Maybe one day this will all just end,
At least a thousand years from now I must definitely be dead
And then it will be over.
If only I could wake up one day
And pretend this isn’t happening,
And eventually it could actually be convincing.
Maybe there won’t be so many
Emotions
Filling my head like a poison to myself and others and
It could all just be
Gone.
And it never would have happened.
Even if I could get over it,
And pretend it hasn’t changed me,
Pretend it hasn’t caused an ounce of impact:
That would be too much like what you’ve been wanting.
So whatever I do it hurts me
With acceptance or denial
When I can never
Never
Deny any of it.
But you do.
And I’m the last person to go around blaming people,
But oh Hell and Heaven do you tempt me.
I don’t want to have to think about this everyday,
I’m sure it will always be there though
And I wish I wouldn’t have to worry about this,
But every reaction you make causes more damage
And you’re not even slightly important,
It must be good there’s hardly anyone else
Who is actually in my life,
To risk having a similar reaction.
Everywhere they all say,
That’s the thing, all you have to do
Is not to care and then it can’t hurt you.
I must agree I’ve said that too sometimes,
But I don’t care for them at all
I don’t really care what they think
But it won’t ease the tension or aggravation that’s building up inside of me.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 2:58 PM UTC
Absolutely insane,
You’re pushing me past my limits
And making me deranged.
It kills me to know
All this agony you’re indulging me into
Is helping you shove me away,
And prove that it is only my mental state.
I could laugh at the amount of therapy,
This could force me to need.
I’ve had so much
Why would you make me feel this way?
Everyday I doubt myself,
I’m not sure how many times it’s from my symptoms
Or from what you tell me about them.
I know though,
I want everything to go away.
There’s no point of existing like this,
Acknowledgement probably wouldn’t be enough for me now,
But no one’s letting me have just that anyway.
While you throw your words at me
Like bombs whilst expecting me to think they’re bandages
Maybe you should just finish the job,
Because each breath I take becomes more forced, more tired, more hateful
Except none of you who think you’re doing your job
Notice a thing.
And that’s how I know
I would’ve been a **** good nurse,
Because I would have cared, I would have worked for people
And now you’ve made me not want to see any,
Perhaps even more than I did before.
I’m not sorry I don’t feel sorry anymore,
You’ve shown me how to feel like this,
I can’t believe I ever trusted,
When all I get is betrayed, ignored or shoved aside
And I’m done now.
I don’t want to listen to humanity anymore:
I don’t think there is any left.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 2:25 PM UTC
So many colors make up our bright mind
Only few can be seen by those outside
Our colors are wonderful, sweet and kind
Others of them are bitter, dark and hide
Each is a person hidden within us
Who want to be seen as real as we are
Sometimes they cry out they scream and they cuss
But they are nothing to fear, not by far
They are heroes who saved us from our death
Came forth from the back to stop the attack
They don’t want to wait until our last breath
Sure they have problems, but cut them some slack
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 6:56 PM UTC
It was faint before but I can hear them now
They’re yelling and fighting to vow
They had no choice originally in the matter
But they’ve taken up their part and chatter
They try to work in any way they can
They take control and begin to plan
Helping us all through methods of coping
They give us a reason to continue hoping
They know the dangers of the world first-hand
Take up their place and together they stand
They save us from continued grief
They hide the pain and emerge brief
No one will mess with us again
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 3:13 PM UTC
Introduce me to you
Say your name, I have one too
My name is so, so far away
Galaxies can fill the fray
Between what I feel
And what’s my name
Nov 17, 2018
Nov 17, 2018 at 10:36 PM UTC
when you took my
childhood away,
i swallowed my voice,
suppressed every tear,
forced myself to adapt,
grew fond of the suffering-
how far into my mind
i would sink when
your fingertips were on
my skin.
you stripped me of all identity
split me into two halves of a person-
living and surviving.
you remolded me into
your perfect creation.
gave me a purpose
with a name.
when i was twelve
you left this earth
with no explanation.
took away your own heartbeat,
took away my only witness.
what was i to do
with the monster
you created,
other than live
the life
you created it
for?
and i will carry these secrets
to my grave,
and give them back to you
in the afterlife.
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 4:39 PM UTC
you dug around in my head,
you found things that weren't yours.
but you wanted them.
you wanted them.
YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAND.
YOU DUG YOUR NAILS INTO MY WRIST.
BUT YOU SMILED,
"EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT."
I PLAY THAT LIE ON REPEAT
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
you stitched my wounds back together
with rose vines and lilac.
i always told you i loved the smell,
but you never seemed to notice
that the thorns always tore me open again.
YOU DRAGGED ME INTO THE DARKNESS,
IT COULD HAVE BEEN HELL OR JUST A CLOSET,
BUT YOU TOLD ME THIS IS WHERE I'D BE BURIED.
I BEGGED, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
YOU GRINNED, THIS WAS THE END OF OUR VESSEL TONIGHT.
every time i want to scream, you convince me to whisper.
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
I had just said how I
Don't want to go outside again,
(That means existing)
And then I realised
My body said no too.
At times like this I can't even get to my room.
Almost like my failure
Is flashing up in lights.
Avoidance is okay if,
It's the only thing you can physically do.
Sometimes I start to wonder
If I should say thank you.
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 7:23 PM UTC
In the process of showing, the veil wears thin
Tell me, is it easy to see the fear in me behind the wheel?
I've never known it to be as layers inside a Nolan dream
As for me and what I think, it's much less a fall
More of an untethered float
Where you can spin and you can twist so beautifully
Make movements so behemoth
You would make mountains proud
But mountains are invisible so far out in space
The movements you travel to make will make you stronger
The better current version of you
But people want to know how good they look
Through your eyes from where you stand
Half the matter in the end is that they'll never know
Secretly to them, we're hurt they're never curious.
Curious, what's that?
No sooner than my ankles and arches
absorb the reentry shock
My toes push off
Time to disconnect
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC