#dissociating
Daydreaming and Dissociating
Dissociation is a way of transcending one's own boundaries,
A feeling of weightlessness, of drifting in the viscosity of thoughts,
Daydreaming as a kind of state without space and time,
Lost in a Penrose triangle of emotions or feelings,
Nothing endures there, at the same time everything is there,
Like a library where the books only have empty pages,
A concert without music, without sounds, without lutes,
A meadow where no flowers grow or where flowers will never bloom,
A journey without a destination,
The body and mind reorganise, they change and adapt,
In essence, dissociating is a kind of daydreaming, only much less pleasant,
Daydreaming and dissociating fight for supremacy in me every day.
Mar 2, 2025
Mar 2, 2025 at 11:46 AM UTC
One second there
The next gone
One second grounded
The next floating freely
Reality and fantasy
Constantly switching
In and out
In and out
Oct 3, 2024
Oct 3, 2024 at 2:54 PM UTC
Dissociating is turning off all the lights, and unplugging all of the appliances in your home, and then forgetting to turn them back on.
"It must have been a bad storm," You tell yourself.
"Must have been a bad storm."
Aug 21, 2023
Aug 21, 2023 at 10:57 PM UTC
She could blow away,
Burnt to blurry ashen pieces
Of limbs cindered to smoke,
Bespoke pain for a
Place of her own making.
She could sink behind the skyline,
Bleeding death to
A time when she was solid,
And she and the sky
Were definitively separate.
That time when she could cry
And clouds could rain.
But now their tears fall the same
And she is blown away.
Jan 21, 2021
Jan 21, 2021 at 11:12 PM UTC
Slowly options are being restricted
My body tells me I just can't
I must find alternatives to my habits
And I just wish that you could understand
It may seem trivial
To mourn something so little
But its not as simple as it seems
I'm angry
I'm sad
I feel helpless
As this illness takes more away from me
Apr 11, 2020
Apr 11, 2020 at 3:17 PM UTC
I wanted to draw what dissociating felt like
But there still was an empty paper
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 10:26 AM UTC
time passes by, an hour wasted, an hour I never get back........wasted inside some kind of spiral of depression and fantasy.
I'll watch my life and feelings slip away to nothing as the music I once loved fills my ears with distorted sound that I once loved and sung along to.
it's steady beats hitting my ear drums over and over again but I'm not really listening I slip away into some alter ego character
and I watch infinitely as she enjoys her life as I go farther away from my own world, my brain, my home.
did I ever have one in the first place? a warm happy home No, no I didn't so I thought to create one. One with love and care... warmth that's all I want
but it got boring. So her ran head first into the storm and now she's taken over me.
and I go numb as I infinitely watch as she enjoys her life as I slip away. I'm a shell now not of who I used to be or even a shell of her I am just eyes watching inside and out. I shall sleep forever, lost in the valley of her world unable to let go of her of this mysterious girl who I can't throw away
Nov 8, 2019
Nov 8, 2019 at 8:22 PM UTC
Maybe this will make you feel better,
Maybe it won't.
I tried my best,
I love you.
~
I love you, you know that right?
But, I get that that won't make you feel less bad.
I wish I could guide you out of this world that you're in.
I don't want you to live like that
You're taken away into another world,
Thrown far away in another dimention.
But there is no road back this time.
Back there, ahead is your only direction.
Your head fills with mist and dread.
A strange, dark colour white.
You have no control over your head anymore,
And your thoughts start to ignite.
There is no way of escaping,
This once so ordinary life.
But I'll try to help you, guide you.
And save you, with all my words, and a little strife.
Together we will get there, for sure.
But the question is, where is there?
Is that here, on this planet?
Or somwhere outside the atmosphere?
I'll fly with you, and fight the wars.
And maybe we'll find your thoughts behind.
Hidden next to all the stars,
Something good, like inside your mind.
So I decided to look behind all the planets,
And I found the most beautiful thing.
I found love right in a box.
So why need something to prove it, like a ring?
I'll give all the love to you,
If you let me. Someday.
Just promise me one thing.
Even if your mind is not here, stay?
I'll give you the moon and the stars,
And all the constellations.
Maybe they won't be perfect,
But at least there's some figurations.
I love you so, so much.
And I'd give you the stars, and everything around it.
Until I realised they were hidden,
Inside your eyes and in your mind.
Oct 28, 2019
Oct 28, 2019 at 2:41 PM UTC
Sleeping all day
Never washing my clothes
Skin and hair a mess
I'm fine
I'm fine
Can't whine
Forgetting to eat
Getting sick from all foods
Never changing my clothes
Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
I must still belong
Staring at walls
Headache won't go away
Putting everything off
It's okay
It's okay
There's other days
Crying while watching tv
Repeating my mistakes in my head
Can't sleep at 4am
Just another day
Just another day
Im used to this anyway
Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 3:13 AM UTC
You found my hills-
ignoring the pleas and appeals.
You rampaged your way into the hidden valley,
while I sat their dissociating - assuming death was my finale.
You scourged through my dips and curves,
as though I should be flattered you came back for thirds.
Imprinting your unwelcomed touch on my mind forever,
the violation of my body will be forgotten never.
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 6:25 AM UTC
Sometimes
I need to disconnect
Shut the doors
And draw the curtains
Through which the world watches me
A few minutes, hours, days
With the windows closed
Vainly
I worry that the world needs me
That it's clawing at my closed door
Calling me, needing me to open up
But really
The world moves on
It keeps spinning
It keeps moving
Without me
The air outside my door
Is still, quiet
Anxious little shadows
Figments of my imagination
Embodiments of my anxiety
They creep under my door
They tell me to return
To open the curtains, windows
Sometimes I do as they bid
I throw open the door, expecting someone
But seeing no one
Other times I tell them
That I wish to be alone
And sometimes they even listen
They'll slink back out under my door
And leave me be
Not often
But sometimes
And when they do
I am alone
Not lonely, but alone
And it is peaceful
Mar 5, 2018
Mar 5, 2018 at 6:32 AM UTC
Tell me,
How many sips does it take,
How many puffs does it take,
How many pills does it take,
How many sniffs does it take,
How many needles does it take,
To feel the way I do?
Feb 23, 2018
Feb 23, 2018 at 5:00 PM UTC
what's that feeling
oh what is it
what's that feeling of
anger
compliance
fogginess
confusion
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
that feeling of
shivering
grinding teeth
breathing less
wanting less (food)
food
is
disgusting
but you've hardly eaten since two days
you know you need to eat but you can't and you won't and most importantly you want to but you don't because you can't and you won't
i am dying
i could be dying
i could die
shivering shaking vibrating
my feet are purple from folding them in
from folding my body into itself
and disappearing
shame
Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 8:53 PM UTC
im drifting in and out
floating around
this body does not belong to me
the clench of my hands
physical touch
its all so distant
this body does not contain me
my vision blurs
voices fade
this body is not helping me
the clothes i put on
hats i wear
the glasses that rest on my nose
this body does not represent me
staring in mirrors
clawing at skin
this body will be the death of me
Jan 22, 2017
Jan 22, 2017 at 11:12 PM UTC
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oh oh my god it's only the first line
Apr 18, 2016
Apr 18, 2016 at 8:16 AM UTC