#disgusted
One day,
I’ll stand in front of the mirror
and won’t look away.
My eyes won’t dodge
the reflection
of a girl who’s lived through too much
but still stayed.
I’ll touch my skin
without flinching.
I’ll wear softness
without shame.
I’ll trace every scar
like a map
of where I didn’t break.
The weight of their hands
will no longer sit on my chest.
Their voices will fade
into silence.
And mine
mine will rise.
I’ll love myself
gently,
fiercely,
with all the compassion
they never gave me.
And the mirror?
It won’t be a punishment.
It will be a promise
that I came back to me.
Not the same.
Not untouched.
But alive.
And healing.
Jun 10, 2025
Jun 10, 2025 at 11:14 PM UTC
Relax,
and breathe in the sour mange,
tread marks etched into asphalt.
what can it be?
what was it before?
only the smell of tomorrow.
I guess---
we'll never know now
why it tried to cross the street.
Sep 18, 2020
Sep 18, 2020 at 4:46 PM UTC
I didn't hate you
but
you made me
hate love
and for that
I'm
disgusted
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 7:00 PM UTC
I remember putting on my white dress,
trying to hold back tears from stress.
I knew deep down that I never wanted to walk down that aisle,
but my feet kept moving with a perfect, fake smile.
I put all my faith in God above,
and I even prayed to feel His love.
Because all I wanted was to do the right thing,
and I truly believed that getting married to a man would fix everything.
One year later I am back where I started,
but this time with divorce papers feeling cold-hearted.
I never wanted it to end this way,
and how naive of me to think I was strong enough to stay.
Now I just want to hug my mom while I cry out,
but she is disgusted with the fact that I came out.
I am filled with tears of hatred and shame
because I lit up my life with an irreversible flame.
I asked for this.
I asked for all of this.
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 11:03 PM UTC
This world disgusts me
This world disgusts me because
when I see my best guy friend cry
I get weirded out
Not because guys crying is weird
but because I've always been told
they don't
this world disgusts me because
when I mention to my brother
that girls liking girls
is okay
he lists all the reasons
Jesus says it isn't
This world disgusts me because
I have to text one of my best friends
and make sure she ate today
because she wants to lose
ten pounds
and she'd give anything to do that
This world disgusts me because
when I sit in my
French class
and the teacher makes eye contact with me
and sees that I am crying
he keeps teaching, parce que c'est la vie
This world disgusts me because
when my chemistry teacher
looked at me and my friend goofing around
he assumes we don't feel the "academic stress"
when I cry over my grades three times a week
but he didn't ask me about that
This world disgusts me because
my brother, the same one as before,
refuses to call someone
we know
by their chosen name and pronouns
because "it's a free country"
This world disgusts me because
when I switch effortlessly between
sobbing and looking fine
my teacher calls me
"The finest actress he's ever seen" but
doesn't ask why I hide my emotions so easily
Disgusting
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 2:46 AM UTC
bathed myself in bleach
and scrubbed my skin with rubbing alcohol
when i light myself on fire
i feel somewhat better
and i have swept the kitchen floor a lot
almost obsessively
but when i walk around i still feel dirt on the bottom of my feet
i am surprised i still have the ability to feel anything
i tried drinking gasoline and licking flames
i am a freak
a coward
so things didn't work out
still,
i am used to disappointment
and,
i am used to hating myself
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 10:17 AM UTC
As she sings,
Letting her heart about,
It's a beauty to see her change into an outfit suitable for the occasion.
Of course she was somewhere else but they can't tell. That's how we all are.
It's one of my favorite things to see
Watching the two of you craft something new,
I know there's a future out there for both of you. Funny how they pull it off though;
Planning the idea but with few resources and actions.
Unbelievable!
And to see you paint a colored sky is enough to blind her mind.
Knowing it's just a hobby and I'm still waiting to see you get out and make a dime for these kids is a waste of my time. But it's my favorite thing to see
Especially when all four of you are just wolves deceiving the world. Just like me
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 1:30 AM UTC
He came in looking like prince charming
Sold me dreams
Made me feel young again
Oh mama
He touched me
I could hear him breathe so heavily
I could feel his weight suffocating me
His filthy hands were on my body
And
When he was done, he chuckled
Gave a satisfied look
I turned away
Face wet with tears
A scream of cry came out
Instantly, he gave me
A daring look
And told me to hush little one
Fore he did me a favor
Oh mama
He hurt me so bad
Disgusted with myself
Walking around
And every man looks like him
Filled with anger
Burning desire for revenge
But instead
I was told to
Hush little one and to
Never speak of it ever again.
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 2:44 PM UTC
I am disgusted with myself
Under a disappointed stare
The agony clear and palpable
As it courses through open air
I cannot change the deeds I've done
Unspeak the weighty lies I told
I work towards a better future
To prove trust is something I can uphold
The idea of you wondering
If I am not who I am
Keeps me enveloped in fear
Words barricaded in a tricky dam
Together we can tear down obstacles
Defeat shadows and doubt
One by one I will fix the problems
We have been fighting about
My ghouls are running wild, exposed
By the knife plunged into your heart
I long to have you in close proximity
Yet keep tearing your love apart
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 1:24 AM UTC
As your salt stings my chapped lips and my open wounds I come less and less to you
You grit your teeth into dust that carries through your heinous breath that makes my eyes water and my heart ache
And I cannot believe not too long ago I turned to you for care and comfort and compassion but instead I was caught in a tight spot lacking wiggle room
I can feel you burning a hole through my chest as I ***** words and phrases that don't make sense when put together like
"I love when you make me cry"
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 11:56 PM UTC
What to say to an already devastated mind
What to preach who is already a disciple of harsh thought
What to believe in the one who have vapoured their beliefs
What to teach who have already taught themselves to get corrupted...
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 4:15 AM UTC
Your love is poison,
It spreads all through my body
Just like each goose bump
That remains on my skin,
Its the one thing that i can prove
That every inch of me
Is disgusted by you
You give me the coldest look,
I've never shivered so warmly.
Mar 23, 2016
Mar 23, 2016 at 11:45 AM UTC
I caught her staring at me again
I can't quite place
A name to the expression
she has when I catch her
looking
but it's different from when
she doesn't know i'm watching her
watching me
from the corner of my eye
She never brought up the 'notes'
even the one I wrote out of rage
I don't remember putting it
into her bag
But is she afraid
curious
spiteful
disgusted
What name can I for a fact
put to the face she makes
when she stares
And when I catch her
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 11:59 AM UTC
Only time I feel sane is when I bath.
When I cleanse my body of the sins I committed.
When my heavy weight of problems feel like a feather..
But this bath was different.
This bath was the ultimate two way street
Where I had to choose where to turn
This bath is where my doubts overpowered my way of thinking..
My lust for contact with a boy felted overpowering...
This bath I took made me realize that I'm not okay...
This bath I took was the bath we're I laid my sins on the water just to go out and perform new sins that I was aware of...
Where I knew I should have not done such yet I continue to go...
This bath was a traumatic bath because I knew I was going to be used and felt crap afterwards
But I still went for it..
This bath was the bath I knew I'd come back home regretting it and wished that never happened
This bath... Just knew that I wouldn't listen
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 9:48 AM UTC
You Don't Know What
It's Like To Be Me.
Until You've Looked In The Mirror
And Don't Like What You See.
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 12:05 AM UTC
I am disgusted.
Disgusted of the world,
the pain, and evil
That surrounds us.
The pain we don't deserve.
All is lost, as we sit here.
In pain.
In agony.
In despair.
I am disgusted to many,
of what they've become.
The destroyers,
the saints of the world.
Getting away with deeds,
that they have no souls no more.
Anger fluster inside me,
as my body trembles from
the blood boiling inside I.
Why must I live and see
the evil deeds.
Of the wicked and
evil.
I am disgusted and angered.
Adultery, lies, and suffering.
Oh I dislike.
I am disgusted by all
wicked behavior and
actions.
Just disgusted.
Jan 23, 2015
Jan 23, 2015 at 10:22 AM UTC
I went to pour out your bottle,
but found you had emptied it into your throat.
Jan 1, 2015
Jan 1, 2015 at 11:28 PM UTC
I wonder if that watered down ***** drowns out the taste of your daughter's empty "I love you's"
Jan 1, 2015
Jan 1, 2015 at 9:38 PM UTC
This thing, the words and all? I was trying on a new skin.
It was made of the old -the familiar, too, but transformed.
Something added that could take root,
Take me out from the norm.
Take on a new identity.
Perform.
Squinting at a light, held at arm’s length:
My own spotlight.
So you could watch me act it all out,
Over and over, forever on the page.
but nothing ends as it began.
My troubles, my worries, my lust, my greed,
All fictionalized and petty.
Disgust and shame.
Anger and fear,
Are not advisable
Unless they bring about change.
Even those, now left behind.
Moulted.
Shedding my old skin.
Toughening up the new.
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 10:17 PM UTC
I always wondered,
How does one have so much negative things to say?
When it was he who did close to nothing
What did he offer me?
Maybe pain and a few rides back home
What else?
Maybe an introduction to his friends
About how I am his "sister"
What did I give him?
Time even if he gave me none
I even compromised with being okay seeing him once a week
Or even once a month
What else?
Thoughtfulness
Like how I used to go to his house
Only to give him food
During his stressful days
I mean, yes he paid for one of our lunch
Throughout the one month
I dont think he knows I even bought him a gshock for his birthday
but two weeks after buying his present
He ended things with me
That im sure he was clueless about
Actually no I think he was clueless about everything
Like all the things ive done for him
Or how it is definitely okay to be upset
When you have invested so much time
Effort
And feelings into someone
Who didnt care
And Angelo was my BIGGEST disappointment
and regret ive ever come across
because while he kept breaking me to pieces,
I stayed and held myself together
Only to keep him together
Only to keep the least person who deserved none of the things I gave him,
Whole.
Oct 22, 2014
Oct 22, 2014 at 2:33 AM UTC