#disassociating
i do not think
i am in my body
no, i know
for a fact i am not
i have been away
far off in some
other space
some other place
there's roses on the floor
but they are all withered
and the red that
once looked like blood
has turned to
a dull sun
the glow from this
distance is not
beautiful
it is sickening
maybe i went too far
outer space took me away
up up up
higher and higher
on the moon
all alone here
you're talking to me
but i don't know who
it is you speak to
anymore
because i am no longer
on the earth
i have not had my feet
planted firmly on
the ground in a long time
the sky races by
and the weeks
go so fast now
i am living months and months
in the past
stuck, or maybe just gone
its too odd
to explain to you
so i will simply say
i am away
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 8:20 PM UTC
Yes I see these memories,
But was I really there?
Body and mind both there in time,
Though soul and thoughts, were where?
The past a story written down,
The pages in a book.
Photographs on camera roll,
The ones I never took.
May 11, 2020
May 11, 2020 at 10:35 PM UTC
I listen to the whirr,
the white noise of the air conditioner,
the occasional thumps from upstairs,
the shifting of their chairs,
my scratching pen, mark after mark
and the mood music soft and dark
spilling out of the hidden speakers.
I'm staring at my slipped off sneakers
sitting stuck in the silence of a block,
I think of what could get me to talk.
Surrendering to what I don't like to share,
Details I would rather spare,
watching cartoons and salty bets,
bourbon and drunken cigarettes,
mostly the usual vices,
letting people to their devices.
Ever really been somewhere,
but never gone inside?
There I go, breaking the rhyme.
They kept knocking,
so I let them sit in the lobby,
I wonder if they'll leave,
if I tell them about my hobbies.
I keep my mouth shut and my doors locked,
and sip slow at my bulleit on the rocks,
I let the daze set in, and the movement of pen
do the talking,
The lights too dim,
the volumes too high,
I don't hear them knocking.
I stare at my empty glass,
at the bottom a warm stone,
I don't think I'll ever feel this alone.
I keep holding on to my only strength.
Keeping everyone new at arms length.
with only my liver left to thank.
Sep 27, 2017
Sep 27, 2017 at 6:40 PM UTC
If I focus
really hard
if I tilt my head just right
and narrow my eyes just so
I can almost make the world disappear.
If I don't blink for a very long time
I can only see rough outlines-
no noise
-and I like that.
If I focus
really hard
if I close myself off
And turn my pride down just so
I can almost make the world disappear.
If I don't breathe for a very long time
I can only see white darkness-
no pressure from others
-and I like that.
If I focus
really hard
I can almost make myself die.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 11:43 PM UTC