#dimentia
the dots are slowly disconnecting
I can see it coming now
the register jams more often
did I do that
and why...or how?
'yes, you told me that
remember...?
but it's okay
everything is fine'
the signs are now clear
this creeping fear
the foggy mist of my decline
the familiar sound
of the 2 o'clock train
snaps me out of my hazy state
I move to the porch
and view the mountains
listening to nature
I wait
the new Sun is crisp
and it's warmth dries the night
the first cup of coffee
with the first sign of light
I search for the shirt
that I'll wear on this day
and my best fitting jeans
then to Father I'll pray
the walk isn't far
half mile...a bit more
odd smile from Ms Harris
as she opens her door
the wildlife remain calm
as I take up a seat
pulled out a Lucky
and inhaled it deep
the dots reconnect
head bowed
on my knees
2 o'clock comes and goes
like a chirp in the breeze
Jul 1, 2025
Jul 1, 2025 at 12:02 PM UTC
in 2012 i experienced an incident with a rifle. my friend spinned it around and hit me in the face. the hit was hard enough to break my nose and make me fly backwards and land on the back of my head.
after that i started having seizures. cluster seizures which mean seizures back to back. they have to be stopped by iv or i can go into status epilepticus meaning continued or back to back seizures that can **** people. there have been several times where my heart has stopped or i stopped breathing from it. its hard to live with. soooo many pills, and doctors, specialists to help diagnose me. just about a month ago i was diagnosed with tbi (traumatic brain injury) before i was diagnosed i was so upset with everything. my health my relationship, my family problems. it just piled up so i decided to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. i no longer can do that because the last time i did i woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. i have right hemisphere disfunction and it effects my motor skills, speech, memory, decision making, confusion, and at this point the doctors say that my memory and confusion is dementia. sometimes i try to tell myself i don't need help, im fine, i don't need anyone, or that the doctors made a mistake. but they didn't and that was proven to me today when i saw my eeg, and mri. i have built up white matter in my brain. and it only gets worse . i can never regain anything ive lost but i can learn how deal with it and move on from now. i can never be independent in the part of just living alone. i would like to marry the man of my dreams but i don't think i want to put him through all of this. he would have to take care of me when i get sick, and i get sick often due to my weak immune system. one hit in the face and my whole body went out of whack. we also recently discovered that i have a bundle branch block in my heart which means it is a condition in which there's a delay or obstruction along the pathway that electrical impulses travel to make your heart beat. i have a dog that can smell my auras which are mild seizures like warnings that a big one will come. but he can only do so much . squeeze under my head and bark for help.
Dec 7, 2014
Dec 7, 2014 at 10:31 PM UTC
Bewildered he stands in night time mist
then he wonders as he clenches his fist
how he'd arrived here, with a brain twist
rooted, planted, his reality is dismissed
early onset, gray matter's soon demise
bothered by his failed attempts to recall
his memory's been faltering by degrees
it was nothing he nor his family foresaw
he turns to see a car with an open door
and found car keys in his pants' pocket
it seems he can remember a little more
he's electrified as a plugged in socket
There was a large note on the car's dash
with his name, address, cell, and phone
in case he was ever in an accident crash
all would know the facts will stand alone
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 2:36 AM UTC