#deterioration
I am a witness of a consistency dwelling customary, someone that now, attuned to the subtle signs of decay.
Aug 17, 2025
Aug 17, 2025 at 10:09 AM UTC
there will never be the time so can i say something hurtful
can i sink my hand into your chest do i even have the power
like you would ever say
but i want to never see you again i want the notifications to stack i want to live a different life and i wonder if my doctor would agree and i wonder if youd just let it happen and if that would make it better make it easy if you could just never
i just want to say it i just want to say it
is this as good as it is going to get
should i quit while im ahead
as if i was ever anything but two blocks behind at least i was always looking forwards but the trouble is i never looked both ways so what is all of this even worth when my body has become my grave
Dec 16, 2024
Dec 16, 2024 at 3:48 AM UTC
watching for air a mad thing of static to do
unwashed i hold it all foreign my perspectives clothed as the enemy
an agreed muscle of tension with pockets fracked into my hands
i look out the window wide agape guidance invasive drills of heat the giving sunlight ; punishing,
a tree, the grieving buildings
the whinging of cicadas
and here i am watching for air
one point for the weather
one point for the view
one big point for my ****** condition
one point for the passers by and their galling dramedies
and there it is ; the wiry plan that's built
from one small tickle of wild thought
formed long ago
trickling to the current day
some whipped wit of poisoned psychology
fed to the inbreed (welcome you panting imp)
decades of saved up fatty layers
a deed of habitual sediment
retching until the tide laps become still
a cured and congealed gladness
marbled, a butcher would say
i am full and hearted and heated and padded senseless
turned under a heel with my wastrel history
i’ve accomplished this a stifled condition
of poisoned obscenity
seated deep almost fully incapacitated
in my armchair on this chummy day
my leisure clothes greasy sluck against my blemished hide
a packet of cigarettes to my side
rounded upon by sounds of the neighbours affairs
with a gasp of energy i 'skin one off' vigorously
my system trembling with years of hard liquor
borderline to a state of unconscious whelm
retained final prime for ignition
i could manage a spectacle
a blinding flare
a glorious incineration
and the release
of my true oder
i light a match for my cigarette
May 29, 2023
May 29, 2023 at 6:54 PM UTC
Mispronounced chaos sways
With its ellipsis misplaced
And taking away
Its own verdict
That was left displayed
Its own hole
Grown
From displacement
Carrying concrete
Like broken shoulder blades
Mispronounced
Mismatched
Deteriorating outcomes
Commonplace is then found
In its unity
Disuniting it all
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019 at 3:05 PM UTC
His eyes were as blue as the sea,
they sparkled as he played with his young granddaughter.
He beamed as he watched her grow up,
he would never be able to express his adoration for her,
and she would never be able to do this for him.
Her heart sunk as she watched him grow old.
When she was younger she’d always joke that
he’d live until he was a hundred years old,
that age was creeping ever closer.
They saw each other daily and chatted as if
they had all the time in the world.
She couldn’t imagine a life without him…
She had always thought he was invincible,
but over the years his face had become hollow,
and he began to become short of breath.
She vowed to make the most of the time they had left,
she promised she wouldn’t view him differently,
the only difference now was that it was her job
to look after him, rather than the other way around.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 9:17 AM UTC
Of all the words I never got to say
there’s still three that haunt me to this day.
They’re plaguing my skies to turn them all to grey,
I wonder if you ever would’ve felt this way.
I’ll make this cryptic so it stretches it out real long,
less descriptive but the message still stands too strong.
But it sounds so light that it’s become a song;
You were right, you were never wrong.
Of all the feelings I still have these in my chest,
weighing down the muscle slightly above my left breast.
First I thought it a lesson but now I believe it’s a test,
to see if I can beat my head and get some rest.
Read between the line,
when I say that I’m doing fine,
and try to translate my foreign sign,
if you care enough to devote the time.
I’ll make this cryptic so it stretches it out real long,
no intent to be vindictive but the time has come along.
My fear; I’ll fight, even though I’m too headstrong,
you were right, you were never wrong.
She said to always look at the stars
especially the ones that shine so bright.
I’ll keep the memory for my reservoirs,
but the constellation was her in my sight.
You weren’t wrong, you were always right.
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 7:19 AM UTC
I, tired
synecdoches
For exhausted sadness.
I, fragmented animus,
(……….)Stilled air in a mutiny,
(……….)Sent afloat from mine eye.
I, aimless bounty
Missing bligh.
(……….)I, nimble crumbs,
(……….)Too mouldy and dry
To be scraped off the floor
Into bins, out of sight. I,
Too perilless,
Too stagnant
To die.
(I, tired)
Apr 9, 2018
Apr 9, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
The point beyond exhaustion
The place where you no longer hunger for the comfort of sleep
You'd rather stay awake through another agonizing night
Letting your mind run wild with obscenity
You'd rather be conscious through the pain out of spite
This is the point beyond mental deformity
The place where isolation is more than meets the eye
You'd rather be here alone, with no one to distract you from your self destruction
This is where you keep the torn pieces of yourself from sight
You'd rather be quarantined from their pollution
This is the place where you come to write
Feb 21, 2017
Feb 21, 2017 at 3:43 AM UTC
We reached our peak so we’re off to sleep
The singing summer’s now humming a lullaby.
Tuck yourself in, while I search for a new sin
I’ve already caught your yelling yawn.
The autumns nye and I a dying leaf
Still green, but barely hanging from your tree.
I’ll wrap myself up, in a hat and gloves
But your cold will still nip at the spaces between.
There’s no shield from the shredding of love
So I’ll sweep with the wind to better things.
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 4:15 PM UTC
I try to put on a front that
I'm okay,
but what they don't know is that
the image of you with a gun in your mouth
has never left my mind.
It haunts me, making sleeping difficult
and waking impossible.
While the days go by, I appear to be
more and more okay,
when in reality your absence is making me
weaker
and weaker.
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 5:29 PM UTC
rewind; replay
we're standing in a canopy of sunlight
and laughing, constantly.
our faces are tired of moving up
but our eyes are used to crinkling;
they fold, and shut, and open like buds
with the spread and shrink of our grins, in
and out, with our lungs.
Pauze. Zoom.
Your nails are chipping now, but
You're really a halfwit,
So that doesn't deter you the least bit
From scratch-scratch-scratching at their shook ends:
They fall apart as we fall out.
We're spinning, we're dizzyingly quick,
Hurtling at the speed of 28,800 kilometres an hour; we're brisk
At best. (Inconceivable at worst.)
And I can feel, already, you slipping away.
You're outside of my grasp; you're far out.
rewind; replay.
We're ripping at the seams;
Our faces are like bad make-up
That doesn't move with our smiles;
Our eyes stay impassive,
Uninterested at best. Incensed at worst.
The crinkles in their corners are crusted
And new folds form on the frowns of our foreheads.
We're smothering each other in pillow talk and blankets.
Flash-forward, play.
We're bathed in rain, we're in a
Canyon, in a chasm.
We don't know salt from wound
Or snake from bite. We
Bring out the worst in our best selves.
We're drowning in suitcases and bedding.
We let it fill our lungs and we
Don't look back.
Mar 23, 2016
Mar 23, 2016 at 9:36 AM UTC
It's too late.
You're already in.
In my skin,
Crawling around,
Throwing in my face
The very truth
Of the deterioration
Of my existence without you.
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 8:17 PM UTC
january
"i love you"
"i love you too"
march
"i love you"
"love you too"
june
"i love you"
"you too"
december
"i love you"
"too"
january
"i love you"
"..."
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 3:36 PM UTC
When the sweet not-so-serious,
is all that you have left
as the glue
holding you together.
It's doesn't take much pushing off
to fall completely apart.
It doesn't take much new,
to begin to be forgotten.
If not drool from a better treat,
wet tears from long retreat.
Jul 22, 2015
Jul 22, 2015 at 8:08 AM UTC
one step back
(we've devolved)
two steps forward
(we've devolved again)
Jan 15, 2015
Jan 15, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
I knew,
right then....
We
c o u l d h a v e
had
e a c h o t h e r
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 10:43 AM UTC
We don't live life
Life lives us
Deterioration, breaks, cracks
Lives us out until we can live no more
Takes all our energy, saps all our strength, courage as it demands
Takes, ruthlessly, unforgiving
It wears us down, like sandpaper does the rough wood that will one day be the dining table, worn, dented, gouged, used,
Old, wrinkled, soon to expire
A new generation in every birth,
Born to be lived, worn, used, deteriorated
And so it goes.
Nov 24, 2014
Nov 24, 2014 at 8:18 PM UTC
i roamed into darkness
as the moonlight shed its light
in the dusty panes of the old
temple.
were the tombs of a thousand
pages unmoved,
of unseen things,
of obscure meanings
from his little grey cells.
and caressing the yellow plates,
fingers ran into deep vacuums to glean
the transcendent thoughts,
the laws of common sense
that he often uttered
in this temple
a perpendicular impulse
hovering in the shadows,
laid still, holding on to his
immovable designs,
unmoved.
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 9:08 PM UTC