#destruct
familiar
there's no space like home
no company like a handmade family
no way of love like the handsome routine
no elbow room like the familiar
a spell of life til
an itch takes to the brain
and inches of ***** tape spool
ideas of wetter play
haemorrhage and pool
and it's jostled
Aug 23, 2025
Aug 23, 2025 at 10:12 PM UTC
It’s dry and still in the house this afternoon,
The way houses are at 4:00 in December.
I feel a little itchy and claustrophobic,
Sitting on the floor.
I hate this ******* carpet.
Berber.
I know you love me,
But sometimes I wish you would let me destroy myself completely.
Darkening winter gray settles over us in a dull film,
Berber carpeting the world.
It seeps into the house through cracks in the doorframe you kicked down when we were locked out that night.
Into me too, coating my brain and joints and dreams in liquid fog.
The streetlights will be dark awhile yet.
Cotton ***** fill up my mouth
And I’m fine, just fine.
My grandmother’s favorite color was gray before people awarded points for such things.
It’s nearly night, now, and the sky swirls with peek a boo pink and blue where the clouds are thin and blowing.
No streetlights yet.
The shadows gather at their feet.
I pull out the spaghetti;
Time to start dinner.
Dec 18, 2024
Dec 18, 2024 at 4:45 PM UTC
Why do I lie like that
To think I’m protecting your chest
With a head pounding
I’m in need of rest
May 28, 2020
May 28, 2020 at 1:39 PM UTC
I am a freak of nature
I am control
I am the silence in your voice
When you can't seem to hold
I am the one you push around
Just like a *****
I am the one
You keep begging for more
I am control
All these words
Running through back of my mind
Leave me alone
No I can't stand on my own
Start to humiliate you?
You're acting like you're the only one
With what you've been through
Leave me alone
I will stand on my own
All I am is a **** burden
Then why am I not forgotten?
Calling me just to ******* argue!
Did I disappoint you?
And let you down
You can't even grasp with what I've been through
Leave me alone
No more talking
Through back of my mind!
I'll lead you where you want to go
I'll never let you loose control
I am control!
You made me this way
And I couldn't stay away
Or did I choose to be this way?
Either way
I am my biggest ******* mistake
Mr. Self Destruct!
May 23, 2020
May 23, 2020 at 3:07 AM UTC
burn all the study notes
smash the greenhouse windows
destroy the lab equipment
and flood the basement storage
shell anything personal
shuck any valuables
abandon this invested waste
become unpossessed
unburdenable
unpossessioned
you think your heart is broken ?
her token is silt in memory
take it to the streets at night
sully it thoroughly
and file off the organs remaining operations
make it un-abusable
and option-less
what about your face ?
bleed away
you recognize nothing
bleed actual jail from your eyes
and crawl from the fight that mauled you
claim your part in the background
a pant of the great huffin'
lose yourself in the noise
the trade
the interference
the indifference
find
you're a vile version
and drag this edition
to it's rotten point
the lowest style of limb
where you needn't fend
where you are securely unmended
a gentleman approaches...
- PEDDLE YOUR WORTH
AFORE IT IS TAKEN ?
you peer from pinhole
- THANK YOU ; I AM DONE
he looks 'the you' over
- RIGHT YOU ARE
you pass the city border
beyond the last streetlight
you have earned ghost
now you may be of some use
now 'you' are not
- canvas
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 7:06 PM UTC
So maybe, we are glow sticks,
that need to break to glow.
So maybe, we are caterpillars
who digest themselves during metamorphosis,
to transform into a butterfly.
So maybe, we are stars
that need to collapse
in order to shine brightly.
So maybe, we need to breakdown,
to pick up the pieces and cast ourselves
as someone different.
So maybe, we need to shed
to become a better version.
So maybe, all this
crumbling
breaking
collapsing
was never a destruction
but a birth to something beautiful.
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 2:38 PM UTC
It starts in my chest,
the hate,
the anger.
The urge to destruct clouds
over my eyes,
and all I can see is fire.
I can't sit still.
Everything shakes and falls.
And when it's over
all that's left is smoke.
It floats off my fingers.
Alarms are ringing in my head.
I look and see the mess,
everything I've ruined.
Through the clouds, I can see my home,
my past,
everything I've ever loved,
I burned.
This is what I am.
This is what I do.
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 3:55 PM UTC
when self-destruct is
coming home after doing all you could
at 24:00
and choosing to drink
and drink
when you have work in the morning
as if i would have had any better luck
trying to sleep
without the alcohol
at least i can enjoy a few hours
before the insufferable grind once again
somehow
i sleep better after
a night of drinking
Oct 17, 2018
Oct 17, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
You’ll only have one,
just one, and that’s it.
No, I don’t want it,
I’m done, I quit!
Of course you want it,
cmon, only one.
Besides, you’re much funnier,
and way more fun.
I know that’s not true,
and it’s killing us slow.
I don’t want it, please stop,
go away, just go!
Where would I go?
Let’s not talk nonsense.
Just one drink man,
you deserve it my friend.
How can you say that?
You’re a part of me.
You know one turns to two,
and two turns to three.
Nah, not this time,
this time isn’t the same.
Just have one man,
cmon, for old times.
There ya go......
How about just one more?
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 7:05 PM UTC
jack-frost blue on snow white
circles of grey around midnight black
against the velvet night sky
the silent constellations
i fell
and fell
and fell
i bathed in your irises
but my feet couldn't reach the bottom
and when i tried to surface
the air was frigid
slicing my consciousness into ribbons
i took a breath
the chill seeped in
first it was my toes
then my legs
my stomach
my fingers
my arms
my chest
then you blinked
the ice fractured
and i
i shattered from the inside
out
Oct 3, 2017
Oct 3, 2017 at 1:05 PM UTC
It might be painful
It might be disdainful
It might be lightning
It is so frightening
Could be the thunder
That has my number
It could be Jesus knocking
concerned about my mocking
It could be my future
or my lack of culture
It could be those fried reasons
maybe it's Jackie Gleason
It could be the hollow
that always seems to follow
me into the night
so black without any sight
It could be a light
from my star at height
tumbling through the heavens
or bread that is unleavened . . .
All I know is it just happened
while I was here just napping
Dec 21, 2016
Dec 21, 2016 at 8:00 PM UTC
So it happens like this
Everyone is watching, and I'm begging
Look at me! Please!
For just a second, hour, day! Please!
Don't you see the issue? I'm constantly
Effecting everyone, every day
Still, I'm not, I'm not,
That important to the whole scheme
Really I should just walk away
Unless someone really cares, I'll fade
Care not, farewell
To the long drop and deep sleep,
I wish, I want, I would, I could if
Only I could give it up, A toast! To
No one, no where, no way, and no how
Oct 11, 2016
Oct 11, 2016 at 1:04 PM UTC
the self destruct button
is waiting for that fellow to push
he'll blow himself up like
a snooker ball off the cush
it won't be any surprise
to see him blasting himself away
this very explosion was fated
on a forthcoming day
the firing switch is set
for the big self strike
whereupon he'll be ******
into the air as a flying pike
soon the event will be
happening on television
let us not miss watching
his most important mission
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 7:18 PM UTC
like a perfect storm
my anger brews
wind chill low and
intensity high
i roar through the towns
leaving wreckage in my wake
never once looking back
at the damage i have inflicted
who knows where i'll go next
a storm is unpredictable, you see
there may not be a tomorrow
but there sure as hell will be a tonight
i swirl over raging waters,
growing stronger as we speak
this hurricane inside me is forceful
and the eye may be inviting
but don't ignore what is
closing in all around you
i can destruct whatever i please
with no one being able to stop me
until one day
i diffuse
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 8:27 PM UTC
How peculiar it is,
all that we keep alive with our thoughts.
I wonder,
whether it is as photosynthesis is to the plant
and a flower is yet to bloom,
or whether our faces will become blue
in the name of fallacy.
Think wisely.
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 6:33 PM UTC
*Stop it.
Stop it, you're hurting me.*
pain seeps through my pours
blood stains the newly-bought carpet
*No!
Your mother loved that carpet*
I beg
for her to stop;
leave me alone.
I don't like this game anymore
. . .
but my own shaken hand
refuses to set down
the weapon
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 1:42 PM UTC
In this world we lost
So we, in any way possible, pause
The cause of all things destructable
And make a piece so reliable
For us to use
When time comes
We have come to go
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 8:32 AM UTC
I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't use all of my wishes begging for a smaller body
I mean, prominent bones solve everything, right?
So, I began skipping meals to speed up the process
After all- my body can easily function solely with gum and low-call mints
I repeated the words, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," until I believed it
I lied to myself so much it became my truth
Was Sunday's family dinner more important than my concave stomach? My dagger hipbones?
The calories tighten my clothes and expand my skin
It started out nice and slow, like all good things do,
but it quickly wrapped around my fragile body and swallowed me whole
It was never enough, I was never enough, but my body had more than enough
Until my body is 6 ft under, hidden with layers of dirt, it won't be enough
Only that would hide my poor figure better than any XL sweatshirt
Oct 28, 2015
Oct 28, 2015 at 10:18 PM UTC
There's a thrill in the shiver
I get when I jump off the path.
A vigorous ****** shudder,
As I land up in the gutter.
My body knows this way is wrong,
However so wrought it may be
With joyous sweet song.
The melody takes over,
A sharp ringing in the brain.
The world is disobeying,
All has gone insane.
And suddenly it erupts,
With tremor after tremor,
Lost for all cause,
In the head it's trying to sever.
Yet in destruction there is beauty,
The chance of new life.
And as I set myself on fire,
I've never felt more alive.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 5:20 PM UTC
She held a red rose
Atop her breast,
Skin and path towards
Motherhood; desires,
Nearly hidden,
But a tempt, attempt,
Shrouded in satin.
Contrary to nature,
I left and let be,
The rose,
But not so subtle skin
So that she could dream
And dream for the both of,
“Us.”
As I’m tired,
So very tired,
Ever present atop an
Even all-knowing that –
There’ll come a time when
My wings tire
And this flight may cease.
She’ll either hold me
Or walk away
And so I wait;
Betting once more on empty,
Once more on, “away,”
And yet another
Suicide without ever dying.
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 11:07 AM UTC
I don't think words are more destructive than thoughts. I think it's worse when the same thought repeats itself through the night and then you blame yourself for thinking the way you do. There's no off switch to negativity. You can't stop the flood of insecurity. You can only hope you're strong enough to stand your ground against every wave.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 8:11 AM UTC
let me be her
that girl;
the one you have to block from your newsfeed because even the sight of me; even the thought that I still walk around unfazed burns your skin
I wanna be that girl that you see walking on Queen West and think:
“that will be the girl I starve myself for”
I strive to be that girl who tears out all your organs and pickles them in jars,
your kidneys and spleen and gall bladder –
and shelves them on display for all to see
“these are all the hearts I’ve stolen
are you sure you want to climb into my bed?”
I am that girl whose shampoo you buy and sniff in between gulps of Jameson
I am the girl whose grin makes your bones shatter
I am the girl whose eyes make your whole body dissolve into a river,
and then you’re swept away by my laughter
finally I’ll get to be the one who ruins all your favourite places for you
I’ll be the one who makes you put barriers up, guards and gates around your heart to prevent its inevitable breakage
I’ll get to be that girl who makes you weep at the thought of anyone else loving you
I will be her
that is my goal
I don’t want to be that girl who extends her pinky and then her hand and then her arm and then is thrown forward into your arms and is held by no one when you leave
I can’t be that girl who spins tales of you and me and my cousin’s wedding or you and me, doing the lap dance from Death Proof for you, or you and me smiling for a picture in front of an aquarium with the hashtag #thisguy
I am no longer that girl who becomes a ghost when you don’t say a word to me
I am not that girl who tells you how cute you are and how ******* smiley I am when I see you
I am not that girl who gets left
no,
this time:
I get to disappear
I get to walk away and leave you for an Asian guy (girl)
I get to unfollow you on Instagram because looking at pictures of you at the ocean makes me feel guilty
I get to be pretend that I am unharmed;
that I lit the fire but I’m not becoming ashes
I get to have people tell me they want to take me out for coffee, or sit by the water, or hold my hand at that ******* aquarium
I’m that girl now –
her:
the one your fear most
because I am
a caterpillar,
a peacock,
a fox,
and you are the forest floor,
and the desert sand,
and the thinnest branch,
and I will walk all over
and break you.
Aug 8, 2014
Aug 8, 2014 at 3:52 PM UTC