#derealisation
I don't like mirrors.
And it's not because I don't like who looks back at me.
I know her eyes, they're mine after all.
But those eyes aren't alive.
The light never catches them.
I know her smile, because I've felt the warmth of another on my lips.
But that smile isn't real.
I don't think it ever was.
I know her hands, because I've felt the weight of the mirror with them.
But those hands shake.
They always seem to.
I know her scars, because I've seen the blood.
But those wounds have faded now.
They don't bleed anymore.
And I know her heart, it aches.
It breaks a little more every day.
But still she'll look in the mirror and smile.
Because a mirror can't reflect the pain she feels.
It can only reflect what it sees.
That's why I don't like mirrors.
They're liars of the prettiest kind.
May 10
May 10, 2026 at 10:36 AM UTC
it takes me captive, imprisoning me
in shackles i can’t shrug off
can’t feel my grief
can’t taste my rage
can’t grasp happiness
can’t see anything except
nothingness
it swallows my feelings whole,
absorbing my humanity
absorbing my soul
into something familiarly unrecognisable
Jun 14, 2025
Jun 14, 2025 at 7:43 PM UTC
Take me to the place I know.
The lake that looks cold, where the wind stings your skin.
Take me there, away from here. Away from
saltine tears and diminishing reality.
Take me to the place I think I know.
The cliff by the sea, where the waves crash loudly.
Take me there, take me anywhere.
I don't even know what is reality.
Jul 9, 2021
Jul 9, 2021 at 4:55 AM UTC
The limp body laid on the floor
Motionless
Fairy lights outlined the cool form
Impossible
To move
The weight too heavy
Crushing
The whole world
the fairy lights are burning
Body and light
Will never touch
And it stings
It already burns
But it cannot warm the body
Different colours
Different brightness
Various behaviour
Glowing
Burning
Blinding
Fading
they will all cease
When time comes
The scene is romantic - the consequence is not
The bright success, expectations
Failure
The failure is in the middle
Nobody talks about its darkness
Lights are the hot topic.
Society
Apr 11, 2021
Apr 11, 2021 at 5:09 AM UTC
Rain befalls the afternoon like a heavy blanket
A blanket under which I rest
Legs crossed and crossed and crossed
Neck curved as a comma,
The smallest body you have seen
Nothing is mine
My arms, my hands, my head
The water that falls
Lands on nothing that belongs
Nothing is ours
The sky, the ground, the air
Skin becomes wet
Skin and water with no owner
Dec 23, 2020
Dec 23, 2020 at 7:24 PM UTC
What is this feeling
I can't seem to shake?
I know im not dreaming
But i dont feel awake
I look all around me
But nothing feels real
My heart keeps on pounding
it's all i can feel
What is this feeling
that steals all my breath?
Whatever i do
it won't make me fear less
I look at the world
But it's just one big dream
Reality is fading
It's not what it seems
I call out for help
But nobody can hear me
The silence within
Is all that is near me
Im trapped in my mind
with no place to go
this life is an illusion
im all on my own
Sep 2, 2020
Sep 2, 2020 at 11:18 PM UTC
You say I am obsessed with myself,
And the way I look.
Point out how I stare at the mirror and focus on every nook
And every cranny of my body.
But I am not obsessed, I just fear I’m going mad
From a terrifying disorder who knows how long I’ve had.
I‘m merely mapping out this body I see through this drunk-like haze.
Searching for a sign to tell me “this is you”
To tell me “this is right” and that there’s no mistake.
Pinching myself until I feel something in this dreamlike state.
It’s like a never ending nightmare, from which I
Cannot
Wake.
Staring at the mirror at this body
Which apparently is mine.
No I am not obsessed,
I just think I’m going mad,
From a terrifying disorder who knows how long I’ve had.
Sep 17, 2019
Sep 17, 2019 at 11:24 PM UTC
Sometimes the emptiness is the heaviest
The world feels numb
Like my connection to the world has long been disconnected
Like fingertips sanded away
Nerves sleeping
The only taste in my mouth is of the food eaten yesterday.
I live in a land of suspension
Swimming between worlds that don’t want me
Stuck as a nomad
a child of purgatory
Aug 25, 2018
Aug 25, 2018 at 11:41 PM UTC
Time moved through me
forgetting to carry me
with her.
And I waited.
Like the businessman
at Flinders Street Station
- stagnant -
while the world passed him by,
and time moved through him,
in fast motion;
forgetting to whisper past
his cheek
and sweep the petals
from his eyes.
For he carries a garden inside,
but all gardens
need time.
Apr 12, 2018
Apr 12, 2018 at 1:58 AM UTC
This girl
Is a construct,
Out of a fairytale.
She sounds wonderful,
Charming
Charasmatic to boot.
So, why did she leave?
Alone,
In this shell of a body,
This mask of a face,
And a voice so disjointed.
Out of place
Out of time
Out of memory
Out of love
Out of comfort
Out of hope
Look at all the old photographs,
No one could ever be so happy.
Burn to feel warm
But to no avail.
Myself?
An unreachable host
Look in the mirror
See nothing.
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 10:57 AM UTC
"How are you doing today?"
******* horrible, not like you give a ****
"Great, and you?"
*As if I actually give a ****
"I'm great as well, thanks for asking."
Are you lying like me? Are you secretly hurting too?
"Yeah, no problem."
*I want to ******* die.*
"Oh dear, you look so tired."
Probably the insomnia. Thanks for noticing.
"Yeah I haven't been going to bed on time recently."
I haven't been feeling too much recently, either.
"Aw, a routine is something you need to get into. Going to bed early will make you feel better the next day."
They said the same thing about anti-depressants, yet here we are.
"Yeah, you're right, I should probably get on top of that."
When will this conversation be over When will this conversation be over When will this conversation be over
"Well you have a nice day now!"
I won't, but thanks for the concern.
"You too! Lovely chatting with you!"
That just took every last ounce of energy I had left in my body. Oh god I'm so sick I'm so tired I need help I need help I wanna die please someone see through me and help me I need-
"Hey! How are you doing today?"
Sep 27, 2017
Sep 27, 2017 at 5:51 PM UTC
It's been 6 days since my head filled with the impenetrable fog
6 days since the hands
pulling vinyls from their sleeves to place the needle on top of the grooves to play any distraction available
didn't fit my wrists the right way.
6 days since I made the conscious decision to intoxicate my brain to the point of fuzziness
and now the side-effects that embody the alcohol can't seem to stop coursing through each individual vein and artery
infecting my brain cells with rapid dexterity and a hazy heavy cloud that refuses to clear itself from my eyelids.
It's as if my whole body has been violated by a virus that has spread too quickly to identify and now every last nerve ending has ceased to send messages caused by reactions to tangible foreign bodies belonging to the world
outside my own physicality.
The feet encased inside my shoes are not my own
They no longer help me to stand with ease
or walk without stumbling
I am not here writing this
But my weakening limbs have detached themselves from the rest of me and now there are electronic mechanisms and chemical concoctions doing the job my senses have since given up on.
I am simply not me.
My teeth feel like aggressively inserted slabs of cold enamel constructed without consent behind the pair of lips that are slowly fading every day
These are not my nails scraping against the skin I no longer recognise and feel safe inside.
I feel like I am floating and everything happening around this body is affecting what it is supposed to
But I am the exception.
Every single inch of me is now wrong
Out of place
Unfamiliar and uncomfortable
All the physical feelings are now examined down to the most minuscule fragments
Heightened to the point that they are now extinct in the realm I still try to call "my" brain.
I don't want this.
I don't like this.
I want the substance that is poisoning me to drain itself from my blood
Something that now seems impossible to do.
A constant state of surreality in a more literal sense than I could have ever anticipated.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I will never be able to identify what it was that flipped the switch labelled:
"depersonalise"
I can only make mere guesses and vague estimations as to how much longer I will have to spend inside the physical manifestation of a body from which my title of "proud owner" has been stripped.
It still comes back sometimes
In ebbs and faltering waves.
I move my hand to relieve an itch
Or follow more tablets
with a swallow of water
And for a second
it doesn't pass through my throat
my fingernails miss the bridge of my nose
my hands detach
I float without meaning to
6 days since the haze appeared
I guess I'll keep counting
Aug 11, 2017
Aug 11, 2017 at 12:26 PM UTC
What else could we do
except watch the world around us?
How could we voice thoughts we do not know?
And Sometimes we just can't cope,
Yet we can't bring ourselves to admission.
So we fixate on what can never be real,
Because it stops and seals us from realisation.
We derealised from the world we're supposed to know,
Instead we escape to where we can never go.
Oct 10, 2016
Oct 10, 2016 at 6:20 PM UTC
she never said a word
the silence was her loudest scream
but it couldn't be heard
is this life or just a dream
am i here and is this real
it isn't like it seemed to be
-this world might be just not for me
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 1:36 PM UTC