#depressiveepisode
I'm sorry, really.
I hadn't meant to bother you by
Messaging you everyday for a week,
Each following one more frantic than the last,
Because you wouldn't respond.
I was scared.
Really, really scared.
Scared that you had done something to yourself...
Scared that, maybe, you
Stayed in bed too long
Cut too deep
Went too many days without eating
Too many days skipping your meds-
Or maybe, took all your skipped pills all at once---
It's irrational, I know.
I'm sorry.
...
I remember, I've done this before,
I was... 10, it was 2020.
I remember, my best friend, Kaydence, wouldn't respond to my texts
for a month.
We had fought,
It was some stupid Minecraft game.
And then, she just
Stopped texting
Back.
I was lonely, it was quarantine after all, and I didn't have no one else to talk to.
I texted her every single day
Cried every single day.
I was being dramatic, obviously,
I'm always so **** dramatic.
When she came back, she acted like nothing had happened.
Her mom had just taken away her phone, or something.
I didn't have to worry.
...I think that month I spent, alone,
Thats when it had started to get bad.
...
When you did respond,
you told me that you were sorry.
That you were
alive.
I think you understood where my worry came from.
I asked you where you had been,
and you said that you were just doing school and sleeping.
It was another depressive episode.
Oh, well.
I feel bad to feel relieved,
But
It could've been worse.
You could've
Cut too deep
Or stayed in bed
Or skipped your meds
Or taken too many...
You could've
Left me.
I said sorry for being such a bother,
Said that "I hope you feel better."
And even though thats not quite right thing to say,
But I think that's the closest I could've gotten.
Nov 24, 2024
Nov 24, 2024 at 8:57 PM UTC
I tried to lock him out
But he somehow found his way back in
The monster, the dark mist that slowly takes hold of my body
Until his tendrils wrap around my limbs and throat
Rendering me unable to breathe or to speak
So I curl up in bed and wait it out
"This feeling is fleeting," I repeat
It stays long enough to rid me of any flicker of hope,
extinguishing any sparkle in my eyes
Leaving me numb
Alone to pick up the pieces
Until he chooses to visit again
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 4:49 AM UTC
here i'm and not here
alone i am in head mine yet live five others all who mill around live.
told what to do i am and approach how to the unknown.
no decisions i seem make myself yet speak i from the soul.
soul exists whether or not another question is. determine grammar does
not punctuation, as determine faith does not god.
disprove understanding
ignorance does not, blissful as ignorance is not always.
was wish i for i ignorant.
k.g.
Mar 16, 2015
Mar 16, 2015 at 5:14 PM UTC