#depressiom
Crying with all your heart;
Pretending it's not hard;
I'm fine, I should say;
I should hide it, I know that's the way;
But I'm tired of this play, I'm not okay.
Feb 14, 2021
Feb 14, 2021 at 7:01 PM UTC
I like being busy
There's no surprise in that,
It's the only way to survive and make the voices quiet that argue in my head.
I like being busy
It's the only way I've known,
To burry down those feelings
That keep on surfacing on their own.
I like being busy
I enjoy being burnt out
Because that's how I muffle the agony from the bleeding cut.
I don't want a moment of silence
Because that's when
The voices in my head are
The loudest.
They Mourne, they agonize, they miss,
They sympathize.
And then all I have is this burning feeling which is
The darkest.
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 3:15 PM UTC
Everything i write
is about flowers and death
I think this is a sign
I want to be free
I can't take this boxed in life
I want to run
Any chance i get
Fourty hours work in a hole
Is not who i am
I want to be in the wind
Flowers bloom with color
Their pedals flow through the breeze
Moving through and growing more life
I cannot have such a life
Therefore i want to run
But run to where?
The only solution i ever find
Is death
Death is the only freedom i know
But maybe I'll live
For the promise
That after this hell
We'll all be free
More then we can ever know
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 1:19 AM UTC
It’s my night to meet with Liz
To tell her “bout my private biz
She mulls it over then tells me how it really is
You see it’s her job
To listen to me cry and sob
Imagine that…
She gets paid to listen to me
Most therapists say:
“Having a little anxiety attack?
"How about some nice Prozac”
Or
Can’t sleep, feeling lost and alone?
“How about some nice Trazodone”
Or
“Manic Depressive? Feel like a ***
How about some nice Lithium”
Not Liz…
She gives appropriate drugs
Better yet she gives big hugs
Encourages me my thoughts to share
Teaches me to live again if I dare
To break free from loss and pain
Knowing from the truth I might gain
More free time
For both of us
On
Wednesdays at six
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 1:41 AM UTC
Anguish is me. Suffering is my blood. Pain is my heart. Despair is my brain. Numb is my touch. Gone is my soul. All I see is meaningless. All I know is nothing. My thoughts are like clouds showering acid, filling the growing rivers of depression. Sprouting more and more trees of anxiety. Sending bile snowballs cascading down mountains of doubt. Confusion festering, enough to black out the sun of belief. Traumatic obsession blinding my reason. Uncertainty fueling my unrealistically present pulse. The Reaper is hiding just out sight. A carrior-eater perched upon my brow. Grief and misery controlling my destiny. No distraction will conquor this day. Nor the days to come. I will function - but only enough to exist. My purpose is naught. My intentions selfish. Empathy was not made for me. I am in a world with no one else, yet they can see me. This world is quiet. This world is somber and yet more inviting. I've shattered the looking glass.
So don't come looking.
Jan 1, 2018
Jan 1, 2018 at 1:26 PM UTC
They said he made light and angels
They said he made some magic garden
So why do some angels live in hell?
They have clay skin and healing hands...
And no-one thanks them
But they keep helping
They receive no reward
Except pain
The pain feels like they stand in flames
And even in the smoke
He sits on his throne
No thank you, not pat on the back
Until the angels wither
And become black ash on the ground
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 5:51 PM UTC
My mother taught me neglect
And my father taught me fear,
It's not something you can just "forget",
The source of my paim seems clear;
It tastes like love but it is not ,
I am one who has forgot,
To know what home is like and can be called,
It feels so real but sadly-it's false.
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 7:36 AM UTC
I know that feeling of being lost
I know that feeling that there is no one out there who understands
What you're going through and the emotions that you have
But listen to me
Hear these words that I'm about to say
I understand what you're going through
The emotions that you are feeling
I understand and I want to help
Because once ago
I was going through
The same thing
Sep 2, 2017
Sep 2, 2017 at 9:03 PM UTC
I am trying really hard to live in this body, but the rent is too ******* high
and the paint is peeling off and
I’m too tired to patch it up.
Jul 15, 2017
Jul 15, 2017 at 9:21 PM UTC
Pale.
The day you left
my heart became deathly ill.
Waning moon.
All light retreated with you.
Shadows.
Im a fraction of self;
incomplete.
Jan 20, 2017
Jan 20, 2017 at 3:17 AM UTC
Another night, I'm blackout drunk
I swear to god, I'm just in a funk
Sleeping in a pool of my filth
Of tears and sweat, plus my guilt
The guilt I feel for leaving you
On the front porch in mid June
Oh, how long, my time is dire
I'm losing control of my desire
Breaking myself down
Building back up
Maybe I'm just, stuck in a rut
I'm burning a hole through my skin
Maybe if I continue, I can see you again
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 11:49 AM UTC
i've been missing you lately but
more so i've been wondering if
you've been missing me as well
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 1:24 AM UTC