#depressin
you say your hands are cold,that you forgot your gloves
i look down at my hands
i take my only pair off and give them to you
i feel the cold air on my bare hands
i tell myself its not too bad and you'll give them back if i need them
hours go by
you still have my gloves
the muscles in my fingers become ridged from the cold
but i love to see you warm so i don't ask for them back
another hour goes by
you still have my gloves
i cant feel or move my fingers now
the tips are starting to burn...
i know this is the start of frost bite
but i don't want to take the warmth from you so i wait a little longer to ask you for them back
i finally gather the courage to approach you ...
under my breath, i ask if i can borrow them for a bit?
just to get the blood back in my veins?
you stare at me for what seems like forever...then you start to laugh
you say: i'm fine
you say: i don't really need them
you say: i'm dramatic
i say, i feel numb
i say: i just need them for a little bit
you say: i'm selfish
you say: i don't love you....that i want you to be cold like i am
you say: i'm a coward and say that instead of asking you
i should just learn to deal with it
i stood there not knowing what to say ... maybe you right?
so i decide to bare it , i bare it while my hands start to sting
i watch you with our friends as i sit on the side-lines
the love i have for you is the only warmth left in my body
i look down and my hands are turning blue now
i cant let me do this to myself
i realize i need to find help ...but that means i have to leave you
i never want to leave you
but you refuse to go with
after much consideration, i do what is best for no one else but me
i leave..
i leave while you still hold a bit of me
leaving was one of the hardest decisions i have ever made
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 9:28 PM UTC
The name of the poem (s0 called): Kid with a borderline personality disorder needs some help or “bye bye” then
Sometimes it’s hard to be me
Feels like I lose my identity
And I’m fighting with my own self
Sometimes to death
And it seems like eternity
I say I mean it, indeed
This is a real struggle of me and me and
Not many people seem to understand
When I say
Sometimes I’m straight
Sometimes I’m gay
Grandma says what she’s supposed to say
“I never heard someone say
When I was at your age”
But honestly I’ve never been engaged
At times I feel I need to be fixed
My papa’s sure I need some kicks
On my ***
No more no less…
Talks to my dearest mom lead
To “You need to find a job, kid”
“Boy, what’s wrong with this
This is simply how the life is”
Sometimes I feel like I am someone else
Start making up, painting my nails
Sometimes I feel like I am a complete mess
Look up at the ceiling, lying on a bare mattress
Crying my eyes out
Longing the whole world to be dead
Shout out loud
All of my hatred
And then again:
A rollercoaster of my mood gets down
I ask myself who I am
The answer comes and makes me frown
In this big world I’m on my own…
On my own
All alone
Dec 6, 2017
Dec 6, 2017 at 2:58 PM UTC
Mother, in your hazel eyes I can see the rainbow
the trees flowering
the grass getting greener
rising to the bluest sky.
Mother, in your smile I see sadness
and your forehead is full of wrinkles,
in the space between your eyes I can see the worry,
Mother, your heart is a firefly in my night
when I close my eyes you guide me,
your hand so warm, I need it to hold mine
when it's cold in my mind.
Mother, you're so far
and I can't tell you that I'm hurting
I'm dying inside and I can't show you
Mother, you're so wise, please, tell me
why is it autumn again
if it's only May?
I see tulips so beautifully painting the sight
and yet in my heart
the last leaf has fallen.
Mother, oh Mother, tell me
when I will fall to the ground
will they step on me
or will they pick me up
and keep me between the pages of their hearts?
Mother, I'm just a leaf
and you don't know
that my autumn has come
to bury me again.
I am falling,
the dirt is covering me whole,
your hand is so far
I'm reaching but there's only the wind
tearing me apart.
*Mother, it's autumn again
and you can't see me falling.*
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 7:19 AM UTC