#defeat
jazz behaves like a treasure trove of emotions
as if playing the cry of victory with pain
as if carrying the flags of defeat
talking to my ear
nocturnal enemies are waking up
but as always it is nice to have them
jazz builds a house, digs its foundation
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 7:22 PM UTC
My depression is like being dropped into the middle of the ocean.
The water is cold and unforgiving.
The tide threatening to pull you under just as you catch your breath.
My depression feels like being lost in the dark and knowing no one is looking for you.
All you feel is nothing.
Someone or something has stolen all those things that bring you happiness.
You try and try to find them but then you start to wonder if you ever deserved them in the first place.
My depression feels like my heart being crushed and falling into complete despair.
My depression is lying in bed and forcing myself to sleep so I can dodge my suicidal thoughts.
My depression has been part of my life for so long I can’t remember when it first started.
And my depression lingers around every dark corner waiting for opportunity to knock me down again
My depression is not just something in my head and it’s not my choice
My depression is suffocating every time I put on a smile.
Forcing myself to seem happy because I don’t want to seem broken to the people who count on me
My depression is not something I wish upon anyone;
and it is welcoming pain because that would mean feeling something.
And I haven’t felt anything real in a long time.
There is a relentless voice in my head that reminds me of every shortcoming in my life.
It’s like my worst enemy lives in my head and she knows all my secrets
At some point I forget not to give in
and the numbness kicks in
Staring at everything and nothing while my reality crumbles around me
Wanting to get help but feeling like there may never really be a solution
Scared that you will be misunderstood or cast away for your imperfections
But like an octopus, I use every bit of myself to hold it together, like trying to hold a puzzle together in mid air
I don’t have depression; depression has me.
It has me so deep in its grasp that there is no disconnect.
The octopus holding my happiness together is also the one thing keeping my depression to me like a second skin or a shadow.
As I turn my face to the light I can feel the darkness crawling on my back, trying to extinguish my flame
But then I feel the warmth on my face, the wind in my hair, my heart pounding in my chest and I remember.
My depression is a liar.
But, a good one.
I keep my light close to my heart and shine it on all those around me.
I recognize sadness in others and putting a smile on their face seems to heal me.
Sadness needs more days off, so let’s turn our faces towards the light.
Shine on!
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 9:14 AM UTC
A thundering rhythm, a thumping beat,
let me sing you the song of my shameful defeat.
A mighty champion made to fall on earth,
instead he gave up from the moment of his birth.
A rebel, some might call him, but he was not,
pity the poor young soul, it was not his fault.
Clueless and mindless, he kept wandering the wild,
searching for the victory he was told to find.
People, people everywhere,
wherever he tread, more people there.
Thought he was unique, thought he was special,
years went by, he learned of those far more favoured.
An incidental chunk of mass he was,
ungrateful of the wondrous, nay, abysmal life he has.
So that’s a brief of what the champion thought,
sorry for your lost time, ya’ lot.
Hope your day’s not ruined by this hopeless poem,
eh, what do I care what happens to you?
I won’t even bother rhyming this last line.
Mar 2
Mar 2, 2026 at 9:08 PM UTC
I am crushed.
I am beaten.
I am invisible.
I am tired to my bones.
The chaos rages.
The silence screams.
The weight of giving
and getting nothing
presses me down.
And yet —
I rise.
Not whole.
Not healed.
Not seen.
But breathing.
Defeat cannot erase me.
Pain cannot break me.
Anger cannot silence me.
I am here.
I exist.
I feel.
I fight.
Every tear, every scream, every ounce of exhaustion
fuels the fire inside me.
I will not disappear.
I will not apologize for surviving.
I carry the weight,
and I rise beneath it,
bending, burning, broken,
but unbowed.
I am allowed to hurt.
I am allowed to be angry.
I am allowed to feel invisible.
And I am allowed —
fiercely, defiantly —
to turn that defeat into power.
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 11:26 AM UTC
Im here to take the world back
Big Zack
Im here to ride
What they lack i reprise
Suprise mother ******
Youre ******* with the most high
The most powerful voice ever heard
So you shall rise
Suprise mother ******
Im the 1
Ill dissappear any ***** quick
**** Around and Find Out
Rise
Suprise Mother *******
Daddy's Home
Nov 21, 2025
Nov 21, 2025 at 6:28 PM UTC
You walked on the path
And you pulled through until now
But all things do end
Nov 6, 2025
Nov 6, 2025 at 4:41 PM UTC
yes, you surrender—
but your fist is clenched tight
nails digging into your palm.
and you hold your heart
like its the only thing,
keeping you anchored.
what is more—
the power?
the constant?
the loss?
it's not enough to float; untethered
but just enough to breathe,
despite underwater.
Oct 27, 2025
Oct 27, 2025 at 10:56 AM UTC
I've known loss for years,
But it's never been this colder;
I'm at least trying my best,
Still I'm a burden on their shoulder.
(If I had a breakdown,
Tell them another story.
But If I never came back,
Tell my mother I'm sorry.)
Oct 6, 2025
Oct 6, 2025 at 5:19 AM UTC
When I am silent,
and it’s all said and done,
will you bask in the quiet-
happy you’ve won?
No more complaints
slipping past my lips,
just peaceful quiet
and sometimes a kiss.
Will you be smug
while you rant through the day,
watching me nod along
with nothing to say?
That’s all you wanted, right?
Obedient peace.
An interesting woman to meet,
until she becomes what you please.
Or will you miss my words?
My fire? My song?
Will you miss my ranting?
Will my silence feel wrong?
Will you look in my eyes
and see through the glass?
There’s nothing there anymore-
only what you ask.
Sep 19, 2025
Sep 19, 2025 at 11:04 PM UTC
Another day has folded its wings
Yielding graciously to the night;
And somewhere out there Love is hiding,
While lost hearts seek their guiding light
I've seen dark nights when clouds drape the moon
And celestial orbs dim their light,
And yet there's no darkness that equals
The void when Love's hidden from sight
Love enjoys playing this merciless game,
(Of course, I can only surmise)
But Love remains mute when I beckon,
And deaf to my heart's wistful cries
Ah, but with what mastery it moves,
Taunting hearts, leading them astray;
Much like that vile serpent of Eden,
Love teases, then slithers away
Defeated we confront the folly
Of our efforts as day unwinds;
Sadly, Love's pranks can prove fatal for
The heart that seeks, but never finds
Love is an alluring game of chance
That hides behind its dubious schemes;
As for the lovelorn, we must seek our bliss
In the secret confines of our dreams
Aug 24, 2025
Aug 24, 2025 at 7:12 PM UTC
If not any others,
We harbor one advantage,
Our mortal human soul.
So go on,
Let your heart keep beating,
Never accept defeat!
Apr 7, 2025
Apr 7, 2025 at 8:10 AM UTC
Tick, tock.
Ticking down.
I won’t live much
Longer, now.
T i c k , t o c k .
Ticking down.
My time is flying past,
And I’m too tired to chase after it.
Will it be okay
when I’m gone?
When I disappear
and don’t return?
T i c k , t o c k .
I sure hope
I don’t amount
to anything more
Than I am.
Mar 30, 2025
Mar 30, 2025 at 6:22 AM UTC
From the first breath I’ve drawn,
I’ve sought for mountains to climb,
Oceans to swim.
Digging through patches of dirt,
without an end in sight.
An endless persecution for breathing.
Lingering, coasting, and wasting away.
Galavanting with thoughts of an end,
Lost in the forest of trees.
Sinking deep in the ocean of blues.
Strolling beneath a sunless sky.
I was convinced this lifetime was meant to be brief-
Filled with agonizing adventures made to be savored.
Bound to happiness that was evanescent,
slipping away before I could ever fully grasp it.
A future deprived of certainty,
Where nothing awaits.
A garden where nothing grew,
Empty of yearning.
My end awaited me,
and the sentiment was mutual.
Tears blurred my vision as I bowed to defeat;
Whispers of the first ripple of conflict.
Perhaps if my mind were sharper,
they’d see worth in my words.
If I bent to serve the world,
maybe I’d earn a place.
If beauty clung to me like air,
they might drown just to feel me.
But as I am-
a shadow with a pulse-
I am seen, but never held.
If I were anyone but me-
maybe then, I’d matter.
Glimpses of light at the very end of a never ending tunnel,
It beams of longing-
shining with promises of a future never meant to be mine to hold.
But even shadows stretch toward the sun,
and somewhere beneath the ache,
a pulse still fights to be felt.
Maybe-
just maybe-
I am not made to be vanished.
This breath is not the end,
but the beginning of becoming.
I can still burn.
Still become.
Not despite the chaos,
But because of it.
Mar 25, 2025
Mar 25, 2025 at 12:55 PM UTC
I’ve heard it takes a lifetime to live a minute
and it takes a minute to live a lifetime.
You don’t know what you’re in until you’re in it,
and you don’t see the sun until the sunshine.
So I’ll resign to waiting in line,
wasting my time, and losing my mind.
I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be surprised if I retreat.
I’d rather face the music then face the heat,
rather taste my tears as they’re sweet;
as sweet as sweet defeat.
It takes only a second to start a war,
and then naturally all hell breaks loose.
Do you know which side you’re fighting for?
Did you even get to choose?
So I’ll resign to the front line,
biding my time searching for a land mine.
I know when I’ve been beat
so don’t be shocked if I move my feet
to find cover from the fire on the street.
At long last the circle is complete
and it’s as sweet as sweet defeat.
“I’ll get you and your little dog too”
it’s all I’m hearing, and it’s ringing true,
along with “what’s a poor boy to do?”
“You have a choice: red or blue”
do you dare turn reality askew?
Or take your chances and wait for lieu?
I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be worried if I take a seat.
I can’t win the battle and I won’t cheat,
I’ll be lamb to slaughter; made to meat
and I’ll taste as sweet as sweet defeat.
Jan 11, 2025
Jan 11, 2025 at 9:44 AM UTC
It is rooted to my teeth
my stomach
my nostrils
my nasal cavities
It rustles when I breathe in
It begs for more when I bite
It screams when I swallow
I cannot be your choir boy
And I will not kiss you
not today
not tomorrow
not tonight
Dec 28, 2024
Dec 28, 2024 at 11:47 PM UTC
Broken spirit
Its venom leaks out
Every word is a storm
Every silence is cold
In the end
Not every day is scheduled to be the same
Our hearts are just puppets in a cruel game of emotions
Maybe it's just a lost love
Gentle dirt sent from above
But the wound was as deep as a flying bullet
To see blood—some people enjoy it
But patience remains my quiet guide
Let the world tempt you, let suffering remain
I will wear defeat
My wounds are like a crown
Loss of the power that won't give up
Dec 27, 2024
Dec 27, 2024 at 11:18 AM UTC
****** if I do
****** if I don't
So congratulations
You win
I won't
©2024
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 2:59 AM UTC
why do i apologize when im the one who got hurt?
how many times must i search for forgiveness in the hands of someone who limits the air i breathe? while they wipe their sins on my clean clothes, the filth makes me a martyr
my body doesn't feel like my own, the faded scars on my arms seem so unfamiliar
what have i given up to be able to blame myself for all the ways in which someone can hate?
my skin has become unyielding, not allowing the words i have to say spill from an empty canvas onto deaf ears
this heart has caved in, occupying the empty spaces that once belonged to functional lungs -
where have they gone?
everything has become so blue, an ocean has swept me away, and the stars have taken over the sunlight glistening within the waves
why must everything become doomed in the end?
if i fall to my knees in defeat, face the pain of others and call the afflictions i've been given freely, as grace.
does this mean that I've been saved?
Sep 19, 2024
Sep 19, 2024 at 12:56 PM UTC
(Overcoming Obstacles and Personal Growth)
In the SHADOW OF THESE GIANTS,
I will CONTINUE to STAND my GROUND,
I REFUSE to let these BARRIERS,
BRING me on DOWN.
I have TRAVELED a LONG, LONG JOURNEY,
I have come VERY, VERY FAR,
I REFUSE TO TURN AWAY,
Even with CUTS, BRUISES and SCARS.
I AM A MIGHTY WARRIOR,
I have had MANY, MANY FIGHTS,
But, I STILL CONTINUED to STAND FIRM,
AND CONQUER THEM WITH ALL of MY MIGHT!!!
Even with these OBSTACLES and BARRIERS,
I REFUSE to TURN AROUND and RETREAT,
Now, THESE GIANTS MAY be my DOWNFALL,
But, THESE GIANTS I WILL DEFEAT!!!!
B.R.
Date: 5/30/2024
Aug 20, 2024
Aug 20, 2024 at 3:06 PM UTC
Lying on my back in the sand
Dead fish flop desperately underneath my spine
Cold
Whispering
Corners of my vision
Taxidermied owl
Taxidermied swallow
Pinned Cicada
Etched with defeat.
Roar of the ocean
Flopping fish
You wave its fins in my face and
Run away when I wave back.
Aug 19, 2024
Aug 19, 2024 at 11:00 PM UTC
After the defeat,
his doubts buzz around him like --
a mosquito cloud.
Jun 14, 2024
Jun 14, 2024 at 3:01 AM UTC