#darkhumor
A piece of **** feels like it’s on a roll
when it’s in the toilet; as nothing
questions where it is when it calls
itself a fable—
...so that lover you complain about,
"horsing around," was never meant
to be stable; as we keep expecting
balance from things only built to wobble.
As they say a tree that falls alone
makes no sound… but the man it falls
on, screams loud enough to cancel that
thought out. Right before adult swim
felt fun—
until I became the adult; took
a deep dive, now I’m just trying
not to drown.
Like a girl who shaved her head
after a heartbreak; her ex called it
“a bold choice—”
while loving someone new; for pain
becomes a style once it’s no longer
about you.
Then a blind man was gifted a blindfold;
so he’d never see it coming; the deaf man
laughed when he “heard” the news; while
a mute had everything to say— but life sat
on his remote thoughts, pressed pause…
and called it, "peace and quiet."
I learned— life lands easier when you
tilt it slightly; dark humour lets the light
in sideways.
Because sometimes, the only way not
to lose yourself, is to laugh, even
when you realize you’ve been robbed
don’t rob yourself of a good laugh—
even the man got robbed by his
own shadow;
now that’s dark!
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 4:12 PM UTC
By The Drifter From Heaven
Morning felt like dread,
My hangover woke me up,
Her makeup is gone.
Apr 19
Apr 19, 2026 at 11:23 PM UTC
by The-Drifter-From-Heaven
Gruesome illusions,
Visited my evening dreams,
Alas! it's my wife.
Apr 17
Apr 17, 2026 at 8:43 AM UTC
[A fixer‑upper with peeling wallpaper, whispering pipes, and a security system that occasionally screams.]
The agent said, “It’s a fixer‑upper.”
Translation: the wallpaper peels in the shape of exit wounds,
and the porch swing rocks like it’s keeping count.
I asked about the neighbours.
She said, “Mostly quiet.”
The silence in the hallway nodded.
In the kitchen, a teacup trembled.
“Drafts,” she said.
The draft spelled RUN in dust.
Still, the price was right.
And the ghosts?
They offered to handle security –
no one steals from a house
that occasionally screams.
Mar 22
Mar 22, 2026 at 1:20 PM UTC
Время позднее, хочется спать, но желание дымить заставляет покинуть кровать -
может, мои сны настолько ценные, что всё норовит их своровать?
В темноте, стоя на перекрёстке дорог, до костей пропитанная холодным туманом,
шаря поштучную сигарету
и не найдя, ругаясь с дырявым карманом,
я тащу своё тело, уже ощущаемое
как полуфабрикатная туша,
к трухлявому ларьку, в твой район: - Мне вон ту пачку с бесплодием, Катюша.
Мне скоро исполнится больше, хотя я вообще не планировала доживать.
Надо придумать, как объяснить себе - почему? - или заказать что-то пожевать?
Меня тошнит оставаться с собой,
съестной кусок не лезет в горло.
Приди и посиди со мной. Ах, точно - хочешь, включим порно?
Нарастающая романтизация грязи научит радоваться тому, что имеем.
Болтая с гниющими наркоманами, за компанию уж точно не истлеем.
Мозг начинает развиваться, ещё немного - и не выдержу, убегу в зависимость.
Буду разглядывать тараканов на полу, признав в их танцах двусмысленность.
Мне кажется, в них всё-таки присутствует какое-то подобие истинности,
и с создателем нашего мира они находятся в недосягаемой близости.
Со временем стала понимать, почему добросердечные бабушки топили котят.
Утопите в ведре и меня - пока мою психику окончательно события не извратят.
Стокгольмский синдром к реальности явно не доведёт до хорошего.
Как минимум у многих появляется
желание иметь усопшего.
Поэтому сказала, что хочу кремацию: будет хотя бы весело наблюдать
горящий вопрос в глазах некрофила:
«А прах возможно ебать?»
Отчаялась искать человека, который примет меня и моё мировоззрение.
Почему у них даже милые истории из моей жизни вызывают отвращение?
Зачем мне такой социум, в котором приходится закрывать рот?
Я, значит, мерзкая - фу! - а сами закрывают глаза на эскорт.
Что такого страшного в том, что я не имею постоянной единой моральности?
У половины не предусмотрены правила телесной сакральности.
Начну есть с бомжами из мусорки - так в вере своей я уж точно вознесусь.
Не надо будет что-то доказывать,
где захочу - там обсосусь.
Я считаю глупо излишне хвалиться умом и своими талантами.
Слишком сложно потом. Для начала
научитесь пользоваться дезодорантами.
Не люблю людей, которые слишком много тянут одеяло внимания на себя.
Чувак за стенкой, ты крутой, но не ори так,
партнёршу ебя.
Слишком грустно слышать.
Я, может, тоже своего рода «плохая девочка».
Придётся обратно пытаться
спать. О боже, помоги, атаракса-таблеточка.
Mar 5
Mar 5, 2026 at 8:31 PM UTC
step 1: cease contact. the people you enjoy talking to? cut. academics? cut. employment? cut. remember, don’t break skin, break communication!
step 2. stop creating. creating is making you the emotional hurricane you are, so let it go! throw out the art supplies, don’t listen to music, don’t play your instruments, don’t draw, and especially…no writing when you’re emotional. you can’t immortalize yourself on paper. It defeats the purpose of the exercise. remember, don’t permanently erase yourself, erase your creativity!
step 3. hygiene is out the door. do you shower every day? do you have a regular skincare routine? do you do your makeup? (uh oh, you left a little creativity behind!). you don’t do these things in the grave, so no doing while you’re here. but we’re going for that “zombie” look as opposed to a full on cadaver. remember, don’t throw yourself in the grave, try the trash can!
step 4. get rid of clothes. clothes give you a sense of identity and we are striving to destroy that. this will help if you find yourself struggling with the previous steps. if you don’t have clothes, you can’t go out. if you take away clothes that represent yourself, you lose your will to be creative. without clothes, showering is sort of pointless because what are you going to do afterwards? wear ***** clothes? no no, that’s going to stand out as a warning sign and we’re trying to stay off the radar, not even under it. remember, don’t tear yourself open, tear those clothes apart!
step 5. sleep as much as possible. you feel nothing when you sleep. it’s great to pair with step #1. if you’re asleep, you physically can’t contact people. it’s a solid way to be forgotten. if you don’t have the time to put in the effort, eventually people will stop putting in effort too. it’s not their job to chase you and, come on, who the hell wants to do that anyway? remember, don’t lie in that coffin, lie in your bed instead!
with these 5 steps I can guarantee you will start to disappear. it has helped me tremendously! I feel better! my life is Better! the lives of the people I Love are Better! Everything is Easier! I’m more Stable than I’ve ever been! I Feel Nothing! I Don’t Feel Empty! I Don’t Feel Lost! I Don’t Regret It Everyday!!!
right?
it was the Right decision.
please...tell me i made the right decision.
Feb 12
Feb 12, 2026 at 9:12 PM UTC
I don’t know stability
My mind has been stressed
Since before I was a teen
I laugh at civility
I don’t know how my dad never got a DUI
The cold ***** in the front seat
Disguised as water
With two girls in a drive-by
I’ve lived in 30 different homes
My favorite is always the next one
My mom has borderline personality disorder
And I am the opposite of a hoarder
I say I want peace but I crave chaos
Please don’t tell me it’s from my childhood
I’m sick of being ashamed of my faults
I need a ******* seance
Nov 28, 2025
Nov 28, 2025 at 11:57 PM UTC
*
I was thiknin'
Why do I always need to reorder lists
So that heavier, or worse things
Follow the lesser ones, as in:
"disappointment and tragedy"
vs.
"tragedy and disappointment"
It's like—Disappointment?! Pft, we have tragedy here, man!
I wonder, would I have this proclivity
If I were from another country
Then I think
Nah
I'd be hangin' in that forest
A haiku stapled to my tie
*
Sep 13, 2025
Sep 13, 2025 at 1:41 PM UTC
**Giggle, giggle—swallow beans,
Wash the dishes, clean the bins.
Mutton, fish, curry, and beef,
Taunts, sarcasm, dreams but grief.
Sush! The sound above decibels,
Buzz and roar—what about tinnitus?
Free, independent, no fear of inclusion,
No one to assess—but what about seclusion?
Sadly rich, with burger and fries,
Oh, nobody to deal with—sighs!
And there comes Peppa Pig and Panther,
All by myself to deal with tamper.
End of the day holds no meaning,
Reality, delusion, facts, and healing
Aug 17, 2025
Aug 17, 2025 at 3:30 AM UTC
__Tragedy never seems to run out;__
a cat runs through traffic —
and unfortunately,
it finally
ran out of lives.
Jul 16, 2025
Jul 16, 2025 at 8:01 AM UTC
A whisper of green, a delicate bloom,
Hemlock's sweet scent, a perfumed tomb.
Innocent petals, so fragile and white,
Concealing a darkness, a final night.
A bitter tang, on the tongue it lies,
A chilling embrace, as the body sighs.
Numbness creeps in, a slow, gentle freeze,
The world fades away, on a chilling breeze.
The limbs grow heavy, the senses grow dim,
A quiet surrender, to fate's cruel whim.
The heartbeats falter, a slowing drum,
As darkness descends, and senses go numb.
The mind still flickers, a fading light,
Aware of the ending, the endless night.
A philosophical question, a final jest,
"I drank what?" he asks, putting fate to the test.
Feb 13, 2025
Feb 13, 2025 at 7:53 AM UTC
LOTP vo[ɑ]miting verses; a strikingly formi—
[life of the party]
—dable, non-stop rising reserve in
terms of thrills & bliss-providing emotions
a megamart of endorphins in ****** form, b#tch
an ultimate source of blast, like a bunch of explosives (kaboom!)
you're gonna need an ophthalmo[ɑ]logist service
in the wake of getting an eyeful of A̲[ɔ]ll this
inner li̲ght that I glO̲w with
like a ****** pI̲ne box that's furnished
with LEDs; I̲'ve got a story; it's co[ɑ]mic but... morbid
[consider yourself warned]
[blast, explosives, gunner ("go[ʌ]nna"), (a) wake, ****** pine box]
[get the picture?]
————————————————————————————————
awakened early, go[ɑ]t
out of bed, did some daily morning stuff
wet my somewhat dehydrated gorge with squa[ɑ]sh
then decided to take a morning wa[ɑ]lk
strolling through some great, sun-glowing spo[ɑ]ts
I notice twain alluring gals perambulating shoulder ta
shoulder, all murked out: make-up, clothing, lo[ɑ]cks
[murdered out]
and with their faces dolorous
think: "why are they so jO̲Y̲-bankrupt?"
after taking notice o[ʌ]f
the twosome, like a well-proportioned ***
["toothsome"]
I put on a Ledger Joker mug
["mug" in the sense of "face"]
mask, outflank 'em, then make my way toward these go[ɑ]th-
-reminding lasses from behind in a sly-a## fashion
just li̲ke those dashing cowl-disguised assassins
[assassins from the "Assassin's Creed" franchise]
O̲nce I'm close enough, like self-sacrificing soldiers o[ʌ]f
islam, I explode releasing the co[ɑ]ntent noted 'bove
bawl: "LIT MORNING, QUIT MOURNING!"
so ear-piercing-lY̲ as thO̲U̲gh my nuts
were being twisted, hI̲t, then blown apart
they seemed to bE̲ in total sho[ɑ]ck
had these two squealing so **** hard
you'd think it's a visual-glory-o[ɑ]b—sessed princess woken up
and seen herself in a mirror old with rucked
skin; the ground's pretty firm & rough
with some edgy stones sticking
out behind 'em; while backwards-stepping, both trI̲p on
those freaking stones, then dro[ɑ]p
like a high-schooler's jaw when he gE̲ts a clO̲se view o[ʌ]f
a centerfoldesque fo[ɑ]x occupied wI̲th her yoga stuff
in the wake of tripping, bO̲th end up
with the backs of their bE̲A̲ns split open, blood
streaming, like getting stuff shown by li̲vestream
stand next to their figures frozen up
like a software piece, while both lie dying
find a lipstick in one of the dismal gI̲rls' pants' front
pocket, then make it look like both died smiling
awaken in the bedroom quarters o[ʌ]f
mine, it's dark, night; I̲ hit
the lamp's switch, then hear: "YOU JOKER SCHMUCK!"
said in a loud, low-pitched, fiend-like tone; my mI̲nd in
that moment's still in sleeping mO̲de somewha[ʌ]t
which is grounds for why I̲ deemed
it's a wicked version o[ʌ]f
that bat guy here to get me iced; turn my sI̲ght in
["Dark Knight", i.e. the Batman; "Heath" (Ledger), who played the Joker]
[in "The Dark Knight" film; "bad guy", which ties in with "wicked"]
the voice's direction & see the murked-out broa[ɑ]ds
proceeding towards my sI̲de with
their **** peepers glowing blood-
-red, like "s'prI̲se, *****
like a Negroni, I stare at 'em thinking: "coldish slug!"
["ice there"; the "Negroni" drink is served with ice; also, it's red]
["coldish slug" - "holy f#ck"; "slug" in the sense of "shot of drink"]
[which ties "coldish slug" in with the ice-served "Negroni"]
utter a loud-voiced cry frightened
witless, or as much
as these goth girls fro[ʌ]m mY̲ dream
then I get pulled out of that creepy horror stuff
by the second awaking as I bawl: "F#CK! DIE, FIENDS!"
Dec 21, 2024
Dec 21, 2024 at 5:04 PM UTC
“I laugh when I’m sad,”
I said.
And then
I giggled
Softly.
Apr 2, 2024
Apr 2, 2024 at 7:22 PM UTC
Safety Man with the steel-toe boots
had to walk into the water.
His hard hat fell when when he heard
someone yell,
"LOOK OUT AND TAKE COVER!!"
He dodged a falling heavy-ass cord
by four inches, maybe five..
Doesn't matter that much cause 'O My Lord,
that cable it was live.
Aug 15, 2021
Aug 15, 2021 at 4:54 PM UTC
Eight legged critters
and eyeball fritters,
in a soup I made for two.
I'm going to have a bowl for me,
and you're going to have one too!
You'll sit right there and have a guzzle!
Try to resist, I'll get a funnel!
Don't try to untie that rope!
Stuck to the chair are we? 'O dear!
Stuck to the chair, so HERE!!
GULP!
Mar 3, 2021
Mar 3, 2021 at 7:20 PM UTC
If I were a ****
member, I would joust other
members with our hats.
Apr 28, 2017
Apr 28, 2017 at 11:30 PM UTC
'How to Eat Fried Worms'
was ironic 'cause one day
worms will eat them back.
Apr 26, 2017
Apr 26, 2017 at 5:32 PM UTC
Love
is still
a word
you can find
in the dictionary.
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 3:10 PM UTC