#crippling
A bad hand delt, a crippling hopelessness felt
In possession of a heart that can't and won't melt
Whipped unmercifully with a tanned hide belt
So often in fact it no longer leaves a welt
Only a lonely darkness under this human pelt
Always knew when the fear was near by how bad it smelt
And out of respect, or maybe terror, every time it arrived, I knelt
©2023
Nov 17, 2023
Nov 17, 2023 at 7:06 PM UTC
I throw away
a tube of toothpaste
to discover
it was the last one.
In bitter defeat
I fish the toothpaste out of the trash
and attempt to squeeze out,
once more,
a morsel
of toothpaste.
Jun 2, 2021
Jun 2, 2021 at 11:27 AM UTC
I wish I could breathe
Your words are crushing
Stop lying
Saying you were loving me
Some sort of love story
you've thought up in your head.
Darling you just hurt me,
soon I'll be dead.
My lungs are crippling,
crumbling like paper
Little tiny rips
in my skin with sandpaper
breaking me apart
so very slowly
this isn't love
I can tell,
because I'm so lonely.
Jun 15, 2019
Jun 15, 2019 at 3:53 PM UTC
thoughts boggled in
as your heart thumps within
the silent waves that only you can hear
the walls have glistened as the voices arrived
it was out of nowhere
you'll feel the motion; petrified
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 2:43 PM UTC
A wall made of my happiest thoughts,
Closing in, a broken environment collapsing at last,
A hole in the ceiling allows a closer look,
To the freedom lost in mere seconds,
Trapped within one's self, unable to escape,
The hollow body wanders through the landscape,
Seeking for a piece to become whole again,
Searching for the fragments of a shattered conscious,
Never succeeding in this mighty mission,
Endlessly, fleeting through the despair of incompletion,
Erased colors draw a grey painted world,
Whilst the incarcerated one suffers with each step taken,
Not being able to open one's eyes, nor even protect the heart once embodied by the enlighting feeling of love,
Fallen into the endless abyss, unable to advance,
These happy thoughts mark the end,
And also the very beginning,
Of eternal slumber.
~ Umi
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 6:06 PM UTC
Warning!
"Do not enter,
It's dark inside"
Blood-curdling sites on a puzzling path;
Raging rivers;
a thunderstorm rumbled
and broke the silence of the hazy afternoon
My body shivered as the wind flicked at my bared arms.
As I wander through this straggled path,
humiliation continues to interfere
Frightened; brooding eyes
crippling feeling—
I think there's no turning back.
A fragile cage covered with pale greyish green lichens caught my eyes,
an unshackled monster hiding behind those camouflaged woods
those blood red eyes glare in an interminable way—
dread creeping in.
THERE'S NO WAY OUT!
But I need to escape this delusional place
Should I jump off the cliff?
stuck in this maze
thoughts in my mind suffocating me,
can't breathe!
Can't escape;
lost in the dark, and slipped!
Hanging on a rugged cliff;
mouth shut tight when I scream, "HELP ME!"
Can't hold it long
the mistakes I made,
Is this the pain that i'm dealing with?
Is my life still worth it?
Bleed until I was broken
Deep inside it's tellin' me to end it all,
Maybe I should
So I must die
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 3:39 PM UTC
What would it take
to make a grown man cry?
When the only thing important to him
shoots themself and dies
And nobody realized
what was going through her mind
til she loaded one in the chamber
and put it between her eyes
And her soul goes up to the skies
And everyone's asking why
She was young, loving and selfless
It wasn't her time to die
It's only when it's too late
That's when everybody tries
And it's only when it's too late
Now that's when everybody cries
So tell your loved ones they matter
and you might save their lives
'Cause it's only when it's too late
Now that's when everybody cries
Jun 8, 2018
Jun 8, 2018 at 9:58 AM UTC
A rhetorical question finds me asking
(to no one in particular) why I recall
the names of grade school teachers
approximately fifty years ago (whose
names listed below), when the need
to retrieve necessary information due
ring examinations (less time ago)
often found me seized with sudden
inability to remember any vital ants
sirs (even including my name), thus
grudgingly handing over blank test paper
analogously surrendering a vital
document gracing terms of defeat
into the scaly claws (zen nay), sans
first to sixth grade Precambrian relic
(Missus Batson, Missus Rittenhouse,
Missus Wells, Mister Stout,
Missus Shaner, or Miss Rinderle).
Invariably majority of first thru
sixth grade accorded accredited
ancient authenticated creatures.
They freely exercised diabolical
churlish ******** animalistic zeal
us yakking, wickedly unprintable
upon (unprincipled urchin) at
receiving end of fiendishly grue
some hellish instructions. Assign
ments buttressed with ultimatums
harkening back to Jurassic period
earlier in dawning primate con
sciousness. Lesson material kindled
with justifiable license in league
with garnered insignia. Heft
to bring pupils to heal predicated
via warp and weft woven wonder
fully. Wrought writs welcomed
whips with warranty whenever
recalcitrant ruffian refused
respecting reptilian rubric repre
sentative rattling (The Idler Wheel
Is Wiser Than the Driver of
the ***** and Whipping Cords
Will Serve You More Than Ropes
Will Ever Do), which loosely
rendered regularly warbled
wishy washy verse curmudgeons
freedom granted to interpret
as one decrepit, hawkish insignia
certified one beaming Eve and/
or stud deed brute soffit. Education
often relied on the weekly reader,
and letters to and/or from Aunt
Emma. Nefarious mean linkedin
kickstarter jawboning torturous
treatment tolerated, asper imps
of the pervert, mutant Ninja
Turtles duty bound antsy
youthful yokel yodelers
weathering ululating sing-song
and quintessential precepts.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 4:28 PM UTC
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Crippling depression
Is not good for you
Even though you think depression is good
The crippling makes it not very good
Jake searches up crippling depression
But then he finds that he is depression
You may think that this poem is bad
You probably wont live to see another day
So just be happy, and don't be sad
Go follow @devenpawarr on instagram to remove your possible symptoms of crippling depression
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 1:03 PM UTC
What you give me is what I receive,
The feelings overloading and essentially controlling me are forcing the inner version of myself to ignore thee,
Block off anyone who interferes with my life in the smallest of ways.
Stress is enough,
I can no longer think straight.
Consistently titling to both ends of our path,
I thought the starting would lead us somewhere beyond the fan stays of great,
But I was kicked and left in the dust with the others,
The prophecy unveiled itself,
I was right since the beginning, but my witless gut remained oblivious to my emotionally unstable self and instead stayed behind with the real you.
I grew attached to you, thinking everything for once would finally accumulate into one enjoyable entirety,
But you shattered me both internally and externally,
Now all I can focus on is how to fix these pieces back together.
Before I loose touch upon myself once more,
I ask anyone for forgiveness, begging on my knees for all to please.
I wish to give the little portion of my purity and happiness to you, now, am I considered the wrong and careless one?
Or are you, the heartless form of me?
Nov 11, 2017
Nov 11, 2017 at 3:06 PM UTC
You look lovely he said
I smiled
Thanks I giggled
Little did he know
That I was crippling inside
l.t
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 8:33 AM UTC
I started missing you early on.
I started missing you while I was still with you.
I missed you while I was sitting across from you
while your grin still lit up my heart.
I missed you while your mouth was on me
with your tongue sending me into a spiral.
I started missing you when I realized we wouldn't last.
I started letting you go before I left you.
I tried to pretend that that wasn't the case,
I tried to stay oblivious.
I should have left you the first time.
I could have left you the first time,
if I had just let myself face it.
If I had faced the fact that you would only warm my bed for a small portion of my life.
But I stayed long enough for you to latch on
and begin building a home inside of my heart.
It wasn't fair to either of us;
I should have let you go the moment I started missing you,
but I'm a hopeful dreamer.
My kindness in the end hurt us more than it could have.
But I still don't know what that means.
Does that mean I should give up the second I'm unsure?
That jaded lifestyle will leave me lonely.
But I don't want to stay long enough to let it fester,
for my heart to commit another naive suicide.
Your presence may seem a cruel one for life to inflict on me,
but life isn't supposed to be easy.
You ignited a fire in me;
A hungry desire to do better;
One that was seemingly waiting to be lit.
I've learned so much.
You've helped me put things together,
and to find some pieces.
I curse life for breaking my heart like that
But I beg it to do whatever it needs to do
If I need to break
Hundreds of times
To become who it is I want to be
Then so be it
Life should not be bland
I should experience everything there is to
I feel like it's debatable on whether I can survive this
Like if I have to face it again I won't be able to
But I can
And I will
I will grow and become stronger
Though it will ******* me still
Sooner or later I'll begin to know
What to give and what to leave to fate
Though you seem big right now
In comparison to the picture life will paint for me
You are but a small part
To a large masterpiece
Jul 8, 2017
Jul 8, 2017 at 11:43 AM UTC
The thought of you
An uncertain utopia
Shaky and tense
To me makes little sense
The way you look at me
I come undone upon the seems
Holding and gripping
To keep my sanity is crippling
You say you can love me from a distance
But take this for instance
If I said good riddance
Would you see me as the menace?
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 1:17 PM UTC
I’m so scared of what you’ll do to me.
I push you away at the start because I care.
I’m all cold fingers and neck as you inch closer.
I know that giving my heart over to your hands is delicate and dangerous;
I realise having it injured by you is more fatal than another, more blood loss,
more bruises, more painful blossoms.
I always want you nearer; no one can comfort as you can,
until you turn off the lights
for the night
and all I see are abandoned impressions of you around my room.
But I need to stop you. Right here.
I need to keep you an arms length apart from me;
stop you kissing and touching me.
Not because I don’t want you;
I will always reserve a place for you, always part of my dedication.
I want you all over, from head to feet.
But I need to stop myself from falling into the one abyss
I know too well.
I need to prevent you from loving me for a time,
or at all.
To keep you from breaking the blissful illusion I conjure;
to keep you from lying to me about why you can’t love me anymore.
To stop you from taking me over.
To stop you from making me believe you are like all the others before you,
inked and stabbed on my skin like knife cuts.
To keep me from imagining you were never there;
a dream that swirls with reality where it has no place.
To ensure you don’t start picking me apart with your teeth, while I sleep,
and you begin to fade.
I don’t want to meet the same river of conclusions, fussing and moaning and
screaming about the agony as you pull me apart one final time.
Take what you need and run.
Scoop it out like melting ice cream and disappear somewhere out of my reach yet
close enough to invade me again when you need to.
I don’t need to feel this again.
With you of all people.
So.
Stop.
This.
Now.
Aug 7, 2016
Aug 7, 2016 at 5:12 AM UTC