#cp
The fight is long
The fight is hard
The fight is tiring
The fight is risky
The fight seems never ending
The fight is a patience tester
But I have a strong hard fight with cerebral palsy 💚
Feb 17
Feb 17, 2026 at 7:19 PM UTC
if I keep moving I’ll forget
it started as a stroll through my memories
the complete collection of our friendship
our moments recorded transmitted at night
If I keep moving I’ll forget
It was then a slow jog, a steady projection forward through repeated images of us
a job through our conversations and with equal speed my replies to your salvations
If I keep moving I’ll forget
I’m running now and out of breath
Escaping these meadows is harder than I thought
My leisurely pace through your actions has confused me
The trees seem like strangers trying to touch me
The grass blades pass like a covered memory
I’m on a train seven hundred miles an hour
The sun sets behind me and yet I’m strolling through your music
I need to keep moving to forget you because you never even remembered me
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 12:23 PM UTC
Dear you, I know you hate the way clothes fit
but you run around calling out confidence, you hypocrite.
Stop covering your face with hair
people just don't care.
Dear you, I know you count the numbers and your days
praying you'd be lighter
so small you might float away.
Dear you, I know in the mirror you're not gentle
hurling abuse at the person in the reflection
are you hoping through rejection she'll change?
Even when you don't say the words they linger in your throat
waiting to -
Dear you, hating yourself is easy
you're full of questions and hate
'put down the plate'
hating yourself is getting into bed in darkness and listening to raindrops
Dear me, please stop.
You're tired of fighting everyone and then yourself
You're tired of catching your reflection looking at you for some validation
i'm yearning for love and i'm tired of starvation
Dear you, you will get out of bed and open the blinds,
you will make it better
I'm sorry for all i've put you through
Dear you, step-by-step unacounted for, I will look after you.
Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 9:48 AM UTC
I will not forget
You called me beautiful and I think about it every night
Twisting and turning in my sheets
I fell in love with you slowly then all at once
You called me smart and stupid and you blushed
I fell in love with you so easily
I will not forget when you lay in my bed till 5 am
I wanted you
you talked the night away eating chips
Wishing I didn’t have to leave you
It felt for real
You said you were glad you met me
I wanted to say so much more
I will not forget when your eyes lingered over my lips
I should have told you
I fell in love with you long before
and now I’ve left but darling I will not forget
Sep 10, 2018
Sep 10, 2018 at 7:41 PM UTC
I’m in the pool dancing and then I’m not
My mind is far and my body is static
I stand there but where?
I’m so lost but I haven’t moved
I’m at the bar talking and then I’m not
My mind is travelling and my body is marble
the words stop coming because I’m not here
But where am I?
I’m reading, devouring the chapter and then I’m Not
My eyes glitter over and my body remains
I travelled away but I don’t know where
Any empty true nothing
The world moved and progressed
The people around me walked and talked
But I stood there fixed
Thinking of nothing
Going anti clock wise in a wave of progression
I’m disassociating again. I don’t know why I don’t know where
And all I seem to do is glare
maybe into the nothingness , maybe into the past
I’m writing rhymes in my pad and then I’m not
the pen and the lines evanesce
I’d like to come back.
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 5:23 AM UTC
could it be?
it’s been almost a year since I opened that door
the bolted, scared and chained door that boxes my heart
he carelessly lied all over it
he let it whither by refusing to whisper back to it
could it be you creaked it open in a year
i didn’t know what you’d do
could it be I feel something for you
do you do too?
these smirks and glances
could I play my chances?
your affection and care seem more
or am I so empty i pray they are
am I so deprived of feelings since being a ***** that your kindness is mistaken for more
could it be you want more than what we have?
because I sure do
When you left her, I knew it before you told me
my stomach dropped and ached
swirling like Poseidon’s pools, trapping victims in its gushes
I thought, I hoped it was for me
but you must still love her
I think about you, about us, about words left unsaid in our lingering goodbye
when you called me your best friend - you paused- you looked into my eyes and opened your lips- why didn’t you just say it
why didn’t you tell me more
instead I defend our friendship
I’ll make you a dozen playlists darling if it helps you feel lighter
could it be you feel something more for me?
because I’m afraid to say it out loud
but I may have fallen in love with you
Aug 23, 2018
Aug 23, 2018 at 5:29 AM UTC
I use men over and over again
and they don't mind
I'm humane and kind
I don't cross boundaries
I'm just a guest
we both know it and it's already been addressed.
When he undressed me he didn't ask about my father.
When he kissed me he didn't press into my heart
because that place is very ****** dark.
I use men over and over again
to feel something
to have fun
it doesn't really matter,
because we're all agreed, this is something we both need.
But you pushed and shoved, smashed and cannonballed my wall,
I didn't want you to ask or see behind my mask,
And even though I fought this fight with laughter against your shooting questions,
you pushed and shoved against my door to find out more.
You were sweet I must admit, romantic and gentle,
but there is a reason everything is compartmental.
because when you left the next day you didn't stop to check the doorway,
where you carelessly left behind my open heart and eyes.
I didn't want to share my insides because as you walked away you didn't check to see what damage you had done.
Asking questions you didn't want the answers to.
I use men but I don't ask more than I'm ready to receive,
and they agree I'm not trying to deceive,
but you blew the doors of pandoras box and left me with the mess
that I now have to try and repress
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018 at 12:16 PM UTC
hospitals remind me of you
the frail, the weak, the fed up
It’s been a year and I still think about you
It’s been a year and my chest still feels heavy
I tried my best to be happy and I still do every day but the thoughts of you rush to the front
My mind traces the memory of you in the bed
The beeping of the oxygen tanks
Your muddled voice
Your surprisingly warm hand but pink nose
the lump in my throat is supposed to go away, when will it leave me just like you did?
It’s been a year and I still find myself crying in bed, in the dark and busy bars, on busses and long walks
I want to hear your voice and stupid comments about greek politics
I know you’re resting in peace
I whisper quietly every night to you in the stars
but I still miss you
tell me how do I learn to rest in peace too, knowing you’re gone?
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 7:41 PM UTC
I’m over loving you
I know I’m over loving you because when I look at the space in my bed
It isn’t your outline
I know because I smile more often everyday
I know because I wanted him to hold my hand even though he wasn’t you
I do think about you in the strangest times, on planes, on trains and in coffee shops but as a passing memory
A traveller exploring a city but never experiencing its true delights
I know because I have grown up and I realise loving you was toxic
When I catch myself adoring you again, on your pedestal
I pause and wish you well
I know I’m over loving you because I want the best for you now, and I know now, that isn’t me
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 6:02 PM UTC
If you want to feel come out with me
just for the company
I promise I don’t always bite back and fight. The raging fire is subsided she is neutral, for now.
Is this happiness?
I’d like to hold your hand against mine
Feel the creases and the patterns of your skin, even just for the night.
If you want to feel come out with me, I know it’s far too soon to say I like you but the way you make me feel
I’d like to hold your hand against mine
The last thing I want is to confuse you darling but it’s far too soon to say can’t we just hold hands
Do I cross your mind as much as you run around mine?
When we kiss I can’t stop laughing
Is this happiness?
I’ve been lost for a while, I may still be lost but I think I’d like to hold your hand just for a little while.
Dec 19, 2017
Dec 19, 2017 at 7:31 PM UTC
Forty days have passed and I still think about you every night
As I lay down in my bed
As I lay down with my thoughts
Forty days have passed and I don’t wear black everyday
But I feel that shade inside
Plain and simple
Dark and lonely
There’s nothing I can do to change it
You’re gone and that’s permanent
The finality is jarring
Forty days have passed but every night I close my eyes and see them throw dirt over you
My heart sinks and lowers down my rib cage echoing your coffin
I know that wasn’t you, you left us already by then
Yet why does my mind keep returning to that scene
Forty days have passed but Cyprus doesn’t feel quite like home anymore
Neither does London.
Forty days have passed and I keep finding my eyes stinging and breath escaping
I don’t know what to do, I don’t think any of the family know what to do now you’re gone
I suppose just carry on
Forty days have passed and my black clothes mean nothing to these people or my friends but you know and so do I
Every night I look at those constellations you pointed with one hand and the other holding your cigarette
When I see the stars shine
It’s your sign
Six months have passed and I know you’re here but I can’t bring myself to take off this black just yet
Dec 14, 2017
Dec 14, 2017 at 8:10 PM UTC
I'm so tired all the time,
wishing it was my bedtime
So uninspired and heavy
my thoughts push my head further into the pillow
gravity hooks its steel claws into my skin keeps dragging
my mind keeps lagging
my eyes sting and cry
perhaps I need a lullaby?
I'm so tired all the time,
my eyelids are in a constant fight
against the glowing light
i feel all this guilt as I sink further into my quilt
Why do my limbs feel numb and my limbs like they will collapse
perhaps I should get up?
I'm just so tired all the time,
yet why can I not sleep when I'm already in this deep
I'm so tired all the time,
perhaps this time if I close my eyes
sleep will creep upon me
Nov 23, 2017
Nov 23, 2017 at 4:17 PM UTC
there will be dozens
of people
who will take your
breath away
but the one
who reminds you
to breathe
is the one you
should keep
~c.p
Nov 16, 2017
Nov 16, 2017 at 1:21 AM UTC
You mean nothing to me anymore
I am no longer your *****
go and tie that noose around your neck
you bet I won't be there
I think about you and cannot remember why
why did I let myself cry
why did I let myself repeatedly die
You mean nothing to me anymore
even your name is just an eyesore
I walk with pride with each stride
no longer sunken and petrified
of your inner Jekyll and Hyde
You mean nothing to me anymore
and with that statement its the end of this cold war
I don't know what my future has in store
but I'm ready to go explore
I'm ready to walk this road alone
You mean nothing to me anymore
I know on this path i'll fall down and ask what's this all for
with disillusioned hopes and words- I miss you come back
I'll get back on track and realise
You may mean nothing to me but I mean the world to me
and its about time I became a ******* priority.
Oct 9, 2017
Oct 9, 2017 at 10:22 AM UTC
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
when i awake up and go to sleep,
i close my eyes and just see these black sheep
when i'm lying down alone
where the hell is my backbone?
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
even after i had seen him
i find myself wondering where you have been
finding myself dreaming in-between
his childlike charms and your arms
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
that time we spent in bed all day and night
yelling **** the daylight and ***** the moonlight because we have each other and it will be alright
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
that time you left me crying because you had better things to do
that time you left when i needed you the most
and you came back after like a really ****** ghost
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
but i would also be ******* joking if i said i wanted you back
i've enjoyed this good old throwback
but don't confuse thinking with missing
you left and you stink of regret but you've become a memory, a silhouette
I would be lying if i said i wasn't thinking about you
but you'd always fall through
and i'm quite busy with someone who cares
because he hasn't caused me any nightmares
and i'm actually proud to be called theirs.
Sep 19, 2017
Sep 19, 2017 at 6:26 PM UTC
I don't want to walk in to a room full of strangers
have you even thought of the dangers?
Well I have at 3 am each night
they sure do bring me great delight
I don't want to walk in
oh my god give me some gin
They won't like me
I'm just a wannabe
Imposter syndrome
I just wanna go home
I don't want to walk in
They're looking at the white's of my eyes
I don't mean to dramatise
but I might die
I don't want to talk in
and I can feel my chest
I'm so ******* stressed
I'm walking in
Is this auto-pilot because this is your captain speaking and get ready for a crash and ****** burn
I've reached the point of no return
Walk in you big ******* baby
whats the worst that could happen?
I talk too fast with too much passion?
so what if they don't like me I already sound like banshee
At least try to be care-free
I can't make any guarantees
but step by step in to the room
it won't be all doom and gloom
Just walk in and see you might even make a friend in the end
who didn't want to walk in to too
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 2:25 PM UTC
I can't feel anything
What joy could it bring
When you're not there
And empty lies your chair
I can't feel anything
But I tried to have a fling
Kissing him to feel inside
Even when my tears hadn't dried
But I know all within myself had died
I can't feel anything
Now that you're gone
I just can't carry on
I can feel it missing
every time we're reminiscing
I can't feel anything
but I know that's a lie
Because every time I look at the sky
I simply cry as I can't bring myself to say goodbye
Aug 18, 2017
Aug 18, 2017 at 8:29 PM UTC
I joke I make a great punch,
but if you knew me you'd have a hunch
something is very wrong,
when I am very gone.
I begin sinking in my chair
my emotions are very bare
I feel my heartbeat.
This liquid courage is a cheat
the after taste is not very sweet,
I drank a glass, or two
it's all gone a bit askew.
This liquid courage is a cheat
I still don't feel complete
I drank a glass, or two
maybe I don't have a clue.
I just wanted to talk without thinking
I didn't want to feel like I was sinking
everyone else in the room seems fine
maybe I should just grow a spine
but it's not even nine and my blood is half wine.
I think I'm drowning,
why is everyone around me frowning?
This liquid courage is a cheat
I just wanted to feel upbeat
maybe if I reapply my lipstick- wait, I'm going to be sick
This liquid courage is a cheat
it leaves you downbeat,
you need to find your own two feet
Get up the chair, brush your hair
and then everyone there will become aware.
Don't worry about what to wear,
because they'll all stare.
Be bare and share, you don't need this much liquid courage
but one small glass I won't discourage.
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 5:59 PM UTC
There is another chapter in your story
Discover your new territory
Don’t look back, become an amnesiac
These pages are your remedy
Forget the despair and the lost prayer look elsewhere
Start with the first page and dull your rage
This new chapter will be your sage
Put the old pages to rest on sundown
And at the break of dawn you won’t have drowned
Floating in bliss with your pages as a raft
Expel your craft
Release the ink bound in chains within your fingers
Rebound for fresh ground
The sea washes away the sand
Let it wash away your mind
Time will find you a place to stand and I will have your hand
Yesterday is dead; no more tears shall be shed
Abandon that past dread
The ink is being shed
Your new chapters wont go unread
Don’t look back, but look ahead.
May 22, 2016
May 22, 2016 at 9:19 AM UTC
I hope you know
How much I care
Although I may not show it
You mean more to me than air
When I don't speak to you it's such a scare
I hope you know
How much I care
I swear without you I would tear
You hold my world together dear,
You're my glue it's very clear
You've replaced my spear with something sincere
I just want you to be near
I hope you know
How much I care
You are the answer to my prayer
My love I just want to declare
My emotions I want to lay bare
Although I find it hard
With these bars around- I always have my guard
But please don't just discard me
I hope you know
How much I care
I could stare into yours eyes where I'd be lost wondering all day
Everyone else would just fade away
I close my eyes when you're not there
And I remember the memories we share
There's always something in the air
You may be unaware
But you have always been there
I treasure you more than the moon does the stars
Everything is ours
I hope you know
How much I care
I may be attached to you like a heart to a chest
But you treat what I kept suppressed like it was blessed
I just have one request
I hope you know
How much I care
Because for you, wise guy
I would even die.
I hope you know
How much I care.
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 7:13 PM UTC
Wake up
Come on, we have a busy day
Come on, you'll waste your day away,
We can go faraway or to a cafe
We can play or do something cliche
Wake up
Get up
I know it's hard and the world feels like a dump
Make that small jump
I won't judge if you firstly trudge
Once you're up, have courage
Once you've gotten up things will be sunnier
Life could be funnier
Wake up
Come on, I want to help you smile
I know the world is hostile
But it will be worthwhile
I want to be the ketchup to your chip
Come on, let's go on a trip
If you get tired you can relax in my imagination
You'll still have my full admiration
Slowly realising this affirmation
Is my own situation
That would be nice,
If I listened to my own advice
and woke up.
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 3:15 PM UTC
I have a bath everyday
Washing off yesterday's decay
Washing my hair,
From today's despair
Shaving away,
My memory bouquet.
They say water has powers
I hope it empowers
Momentarily drowning
Counting
One
Two
Three
Maybe I could dissapear?
Quickly I reappear
Watch the soap grow,
Like my hope.
The waves soon become a tsunami
I seem to have an immunity,
Like new opportunity.
The water calms, unity returns
The water no longer burns.
My fingers are wrinkled
I must return to the real world
Leaving behind my dream world
with the pull of a plug and a whirl,
My amniotic birth has brought me back
and ready for tomorrow's attack.
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 1:55 PM UTC
The Big Bang
the way you slam the door
I just ignore
because I want more
The Big Bang
what you do to my heart
when we are apart
I'm under your spell
like a dart to a board
The Big Bang
when you drag your cigarette
stay for another hour or two
maybe we can listen to a cassette
Who knows whats next?
the universe and I are just as complex
The Big Bang
standby
the derby can still fall
The Big Bang
is the reason I survive
but the reason I'm alive
is because you arrived
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 1:29 PM UTC