#courtneyjurena
I just wanna scream “come take your manic mind and destroy my ******* body! Use a knife, make it rough, **** me hard, bring me to that moment where you know you ******* own me. Then record me moaning as you ******* choke me, until there’s only whimpers, lost in ecstasy…in each other’s bodies, minds finally set free.”
Mar 8, 2025
Mar 8, 2025 at 11:54 PM UTC
She awoke from her dream
Thoughts going awry.
Alive…?
…What…am…I?
Have I ever known?
I’m not sure where I am
Lights are buzzing overhead
I blink
Blink again
A door opens
I try to take a look around
I am weak
My head barely lifts
A hand grabs mine
“Do you know who I am?”
I look over through bleary eyes
Uhhhh no, I don’t even know where I am.
This must be Hell, for it’s the only place I could ever truly be alive.
“Uhhhh….You’re where your meant to be, what do you mean?”
Why …..
WHY AM I HERE?
Anger ensues
I scream
I beg
I plead
JUST SEND ME BACK!
“WE SAVED YOUR LIFE!”, the voice speaks again, more intensely this time.
“And who are you to decide who lives and who dies?! “
No response
FUUUCCCCK
Hands are on me
“We need you to calm down, you’re not making any sense.”
I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!
“Yes you are, life is precious”
I laugh….and laugh again.
“You’ve just got to learn to live, you’ll understand one day.”
You humans never understand
My anger grows
“You have a reason to live!”, the voices plead with me.
I feebly lift my head,
I recognize no one in the room.
******** I yell, “you don’t even know me!”
I try to sit up, I am incapable.
“Ma’am, ma’am, please take it easy, we just brought you back to life, you we lost you three times.
Tears begin streaming
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here…..
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 1:32 PM UTC
They say your birthmark is how you previously died.
It was the devils hands that killed you in your past life
Or if you’re lucky, he literally loved you to death
Sin and sin again,cause I’m the devils bride
My birthmarks deep and dark on my inner thigh
I was getting head as I ******* died.
I’ve always wanted to go out big, memorable for life.
I just want to ****** as I’m ******* dying
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 11:46 AM UTC
I’ve got mine,
And you’ve got yours.
Reasons that is.
If I’m too much, too crazy, too weird for you…
Hello, there’s the door.
I don’t dwell in the superficial, the shallowness, that plagues others day to day.
I am unapologetically me,
Come what may.
At least I am honest with the battles I face.
Even if I stumble, at least it’s with grace…
And some **** this!” along the way.
I don’t fake, I don’t hide, I won’t pretend to be fine
I battle demons you could never comprehend.
It takes a gentle person to even begin to understand.
Thankfully I’ve got an army, who is always willing to step in.
You say I’m too brash, too honest, to open
But have you asked why I am the way that I am?
Hello, there’s the door.
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 11:44 AM UTC
Sometimes I just stare out the window
No idea where my head even goes
I’m disassociating again
The demons are coming in
I just want to let them
Take over, control me
It’s so much easier to just give them the reigns
I’m much more fun that way
People seem to like me better anyway
Now I’m the boring girl
I’m getting my head straight
All this positivity is making people irate
What am I to do?
I’ve never lived for myself
Never existed
Never been able to see a future
They’re petting my head
Telling me it’s okay
Just let go
Cut, loose
I’m staring out the window again
Disassociation should be a sin
I can’t let these demons win
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 11:42 AM UTC
Normally Music is my go to
But I put myself in senseory overload
Now I don’t know what to do
Cause my brain is going crazy
Crying, I’ve got an attitude
So ******* worried about you
It’s been a minute since I’ve felt like such a damn *****
But at this moment I’m just sick of your ****
The drugs are controlling you
Watching you just need a quick high right when the most important person in your life wanted to be with you
My brain is on overload
Always worried about you
Can’t even sleep at night when you don’t come home
Toss, turn, sweat, im in overdrive
Why do you do this to yourself
Why won’t you listen?
I’ve been nothing but truthful with you
Tried everything I know to help you
Refused to enable you
Only got harsh cause I wasn’t getting through.
I can’t even look you in the eyes anymore, my heart breaks again and again
You’re someone I don’t recognize
I’ve seen demons up close and personal
But baby you’re a creature I don’t know
It’s killing my soul, killing my vibe
Thinking I could lose you at any time
You’ve been my ******* best friend
Since the day that we began, instant connection
You walked into my life and we swore to never end
Now I don’t know what to do, thinking I could lose you
I think I’m going crazy
Worrying sick over you
I know it’s not my battle, but we fight for who we love
And ****** babe, I truly love you
I’m screaming out your name
Trying to get through to you
Cause crying on your chest and begging you to quit didn’t do ****
You don’t give a **** so really why should I
But **** I’m gonna lose it if you die
So I’ll continue to fight for you
You’re my ******* best friend
We’ve done been through it time and again
We’ve always had each others backs through thick or thin, you got me through when I went off the deep end and lost my **** so many times.
So I’ll never give up on you
But it hurts so much watching you die slow
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 11:32 AM UTC
Even as a child I knew I was mad
I never did think the way others do
I was settled with this
Inevitably, I succumbed to my darkness
This is just who I am
Madness and sadness all scribbled together
Mar 3, 2025
Mar 3, 2025 at 11:28 AM UTC
You say all the right things
But only when you’re drunk
You laugh when I remind you
I laugh too
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025 at 7:37 PM UTC
I’m in trouble, you’re a rebound
I could care less either way
But now you think that I am falling
and I’m pretty sure I’m gay
You don’t have big **** energy
You couldn’t hold this by a thread
You saw my heart beat in front of you
And left me standing there for dead
Thinking feelings were the problem
But you are a ****** friend
And now I will stop calling you
This really is the end
I’d say thank you for the memories
But I was the one making them
So here’s goodbye to my rebound
Thanks for nothing my fake friend
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:41 AM UTC
“I think I normalize that because of my childhood.”
And my eyes rolled hard.
For like the 10th time tonight.
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:36 AM UTC
Suicide on my mind yeh
I gotta make the time
I wanna sell my soul
Have some fun before I die
I been playin in the darkness
Ever since I was a child
Demons love to say my name
Call it out until I wake
All I see is red, though my thoughts exist in grey
I’m running with the shadows until I hit the grave
They whisper fun things in my ear
Never let me feel alone
They like to play little games just to see how far I’ll go
I’m still waitin on them to tell me how to sell my soul
Or does Satan already have it, I’ve always been cold but hot like I’m wrapped in the flames
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:34 AM UTC
And how I only like it when I’m high.
555am
The moon is 99.4% full
Hurricane Idalia is blowing in
I am high and it’s the beginning of sunrise
I like these moments, the in betweens
My thoughts and I can breathe
I understand me
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:32 AM UTC
I’m always the person left behind
I’m never seen
I can hand you the one I made
And I’m still nothing
Forever behind
Forever unseeen
**** life
I’m sick of being in between
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:31 AM UTC
Let's be dumb. Make bad decisions, get lost together, write books about it. For ever and ever. Even death, let’s cause hell.
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:28 AM UTC
I have a mouth but still I cannot scream
These memories now haunting my dreams
I cannot sleep I cannot wake
I am stuck in the circles of this misery
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:25 AM UTC
Who am I
I’m somewhere between the lines
The words the sounds
The lonliness dripping out
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:22 AM UTC
Hail. ******* Satan. My brain is funky again.
Words and emotions scribbling up my brain
Anxiety ******* me harder than a bbc
I want to ****** live
And stop dying in my head
But how can I live when I don’t actually exist
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:19 AM UTC
But I love it so much
Cause I’m into the scene
And meeting people like me
Yet they’re not because why would two people be so alike
There are those who understand though
And you think they could be
Yet by the end of the night I’m dying internally
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:15 AM UTC
And where do you begin
When again and again
You’re either too much
Or you’re just not enough
Ms Grey, forever, dying to being seen
Too bold too afraid
Everything is a game
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:11 AM UTC
s
yrtsani
a o
w h a t i s ƃ u o ɹ ʍ w i t h m e
l f
a ʇsnɾ
c
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Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 2:08 AM UTC
I even stared at my notebook tonight
Debated
Will I need it?
My anxiety has been under control
I’ll be fine
Yet something whispered in my mind
I should have listened
To the voices in my head
They never let me down
And now I’m sitting here
Anxiety is going through the roof
Connections are being made
Yet im shaking like a leaf
My heart is racing
And something feels off
I wish I could put my finger on it
I hate when it hits me so suddenly
And I can’t explain and have to walk away
I hate this feeling
It’s not social anxiety
Not tonight
It’s something different
There’s a vibe
I’m trying to flow through it
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 1:52 AM UTC
And where do I begin?
Without giving in, boundaries crossed or saying too much?
What’s it take to just feel enough?
In between
I’m getting back on stage
My voice will be heard
It’s never about me
It’s always about someone else
I’m going to make it about me
******* finally.
Can we go inside?
The wind keeps blowing and my *** keeps showing
I can feel the tides changing
And once again I’ll be left standing
Heartbroken and calling out
Forever left searching
Life has felt suspended lately
But you are not part of this crowd
Here I am an open book but nobody seems to look dying inside screaming. See me. Please. I sit I scream
Story of my life
I said to much
I made it weird
I am weird
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM UTC
I just want to sell my soul before I ******* die
Cause if I wake up in heaven ima end my god ****** life
Y’all sell your soul for less every single ******* day
And these demons have been by my side
They whisper in my ear and remind me I’m still safe
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 1:28 AM UTC
I’m drunk at 10am
And this house is far too bright for all my sins
My head hurts
And I’m alone
Again
Always
I’m the one who has to sit with this
I’ve ****** up
I’ve gone against myself
Im living in a moral neverland
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 1:27 AM UTC
These visions dance on the tip of my tongue
Skulls rotating in the darkness I wear my heart on my sleeve
And dream dreams that could be reality
Dancing bones in graveyards
Spirits floating high
I create.
While life floats around me and love fills this heart of mine
I can't see without you by my side
So stay with me until our ashes become ashes In this world that we will eventually despise
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 26, 2025 at 1:23 AM UTC