#courtcase
Honeypots, Oceans and Blazing Tsunamis,
these are the names for my ex-partners, count three,
I'm 38;
that means roughly one every decade,
since I was 18.
Honeypots, she was a stargazer;
took me to the ballpark
and brought along tomatoes,
to hurl at that one ump
she liked to heckle so much;
after the ballgame was done
she thought the backseat was fun,
too bad it was that of a cop car.
Oceans, she was a lovely ditch of selflessness;
took her parents hatchback to the racetrack
and then basically totalled it,
when asked why,
she'd point to the wind and cry,
"I hope what I set afloat,
finds a home with somebody."
And Blazing Tsunamis,
oh my, what a body;
standing in the checkout line at target
you'd never know she'd steal your carpet,
light it on fire,
put it out in the toilet;
when confronting her about why she soiled it,
she'd laugh,
"I don't know what you think, but it's more
fun rolling around bare-assed on a hardwood floor."
What's wrong with them
or is it me?
I don't know, who's to say?
Either way,
It's been a long, fun, hard life,
and I wouldn't change a thing,
except for maybe the part
where they ganged-up on me
like a ******* hurricane
in the parking lot of Macy's;
burned me down,
spilled my drink;
made me drive into that tree.
So you see,
your honor,
that's why I'm here today.
May 8
May 8, 2026 at 10:30 PM UTC