#copingmechanisms
I sit quietly in the corner of the room.
The fluorescent lights blinding me,
the hazy blur of bodies throwing taunting words,
that leaves invisible scars on my soul.
I must smile and swallow the age-old lesson "forgive and forget."
I should play mother to the pretentious.
I need to stay poised, a lifeless doll trapped in an All-American dream.
I have to laugh sweetly, choking on the venom.
Politics, gender roles, and important issues.
I will nod my head like a puppet to appease their boulder-sized egos.
I am an ever-giving light,
bleeding out my kindness because that's what’s expected.
I must never let them see the raging beast beneath my ribs.
I should be a machine that cuts its engine the second a man asks.
I need to play into the hypocritical standards, hiding the urge to bite back.
I have to be eternally grateful for the crumbs of attention they graciously throw to me.
I sit quietly in the corner of the room.
3d ago
May 30, 2026 at 11:57 PM UTC
I linger in the shadows,
rehearsing every line of my prose,
starving for kindred to stay long enough to be mine,
while burying the wires of my seemingly accidental coincidences.
The wisest and most solicitous beings
must drag their pawns across the board.
Checkmate.
I built my realm with careful formulation
The wicked crime to be committed:
forcing spirits in a causal nexus of maneuvers.
I hide the scars that I have scattered on my heart as a child.
The vicious rejections of my being.
That is the architect of my everlasting scheming:
the brutal concealment of a desire to be loved wholly.
Yet you unraveled my soul and saw right through me,
made up your mind long before to stay,
and played the puppet for my sanity without me realizing.
With a wide, knowing smile on your face—
you memorized the choreography of my strategy,
you knew I only care.
2d ago
May 31, 2026 at 11:58 PM UTC
I submerge myself
In the unreal.
I breathe it in
Pretending it’s air.
It fills my nose
My mouth
My lungs.
Too lost in ecstasy
To know I’m drowning.
And when I break
The surface
It sends pins and needles
Through my brain.
So I sink back
Slowly, just slowly
Letting it envelop me
The descent, a deadly comfort.
Jan 3, 2024
Jan 3, 2024 at 12:58 PM UTC
How many people have I known;
taking them into me,
speaking that universal, ancient language
of intimate bodies.
All the beds I've slept in,
all the hands that have felt me move
as I dance the age old dance.
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 9:25 AM UTC
Sometimes I wish I was invisible.
Not to go around and be sneaky.
Doing **** that upsets people or hurts them.
I just wish I was invisible because
I'm just so ******* tired of being seen.
Having to hide my insecurities.
Having to lock up my emotions.
Having to keep myself safe.
Just being out there.
I rock.
Not the kind where i'm awesome...
The kind where I find I hug myself.
Where I move back and forwards.
All the ******* time.
When I eat.
When I write.
When I read.
When I do anything.
Just gently rocking.
Always have and probably always will.
But it comforts me.
I comfort me
That's so ******* weird.
But it's honest.
I wish I was invisible.
So that the world could leave me alone.
Because it gnaws on my bones.
Like it has the right to do that to me.
I just want to be invisible so I can live quietly.
Doing my own thing.
And no one will know I am there.
And hopefully no one will see me.
And, if I close my eyes.
And rock quietly, and slowly.
I think that's the closest I will ever get.
To being invisible.
Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016 at 1:13 PM UTC
fingers dance
up and down
the fretboard
a violinist gives voice
to endless frustration
~
lyrics hold
endless
meaning -
damaged souls tangle
themselves in the chords,
******* vitality
as milk from a mother
to
drown out endless
white noise
~
tears roll down cheeks
pale from
lack of sunlight,
glimmering with
tiny flames as
heros conquer the demons
we /wish/ we
had
the bravery
to tackle
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 7:06 PM UTC
It is Wednesday evening
and the world feels like
a sudden inward breath.
A storm is in the air
but only I can feel it.
Silver flashes, turns to red
rivulets down my leg,
endorphins in my head
and the storm abates.
I exhale.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 7:37 AM UTC