#convincing
To you I applaud.
Your eyes will always say more,
Than that you covey with,
Words and gestures recalled.
Thank you for your sypmathy,
And what you can afford with empathy.
What I can't explain,
You hold and wait.
For my words and what comes,
From them.
I'm sorry to fill your plate.
But you say it's ok.
It is not yet full,
And you could never have enough,
Of me!? You forgive my confusion,
You believe in my pull.
I'll still say what a fool.
Don't you see this pool?
I don't see where I'm standing,
Yet you're here with me.
The water is nice,
And I'm so good at,
Pretending to breathe.
Now we've rolled the dice.
Save yourself,
You are what is important.
Fate is not with me and,
I am not boyant.
After my admiration,
Please float away.
To show my weight,
Can't hold you and my obsession.
To sink rather than swim.
I can give you the excuse,
Of currents and lack of strength.
That goes to no length.
Your eyes tell me those,
Are my lies.
So why? When we try,
Do my feet stick.
The tears add to the pool,
And I move in everyway.
The ground swallows my ankles,
Making soft shackles.
I'm so good you believe too,
That I can breathe.
Thank you for listening to my plea.
I watch your eyes,
As they let go.
You now float and the grip,
It weakens then slips.
I'll say goodbye and standby.
I can breathe I say.
It was the best anyone could do.
You can't float, you don't want to.
It's better here, hidden, keep them safe.
Dec 3, 2020
Dec 3, 2020 at 6:07 PM UTC
I am still me.
Still me.
I want to shout it from the highest places, just so that you can hear it and understand. Hear it and believe it. Hear it and trust me.
Still me.
Because that girl who dug around your garden and nearly ate night shade berries still exists. The one who crawled around on the carpets, playing with toy cars, she's still here. The child who sat cross-legged on the counter tops licking icing off her fingers is still alive.
She's still in here. Waiting for the day she sees the entire world. Pretending that she can fly even when the world has clipped her wings time and time again. Watching rain streak down the windows, admiring the ladies who traipse around in Victorian dresses when we watch those films you love.
She still awws at every sweet thing she stumbles across. And still hopes against all hope that she will live in an ancient forest. Who still adores Joan of Arc and loves to read poetry out loud.
Still me.
Still over watering plants because I have no idea when to stop giving.
Still up in the middle of the night dreaming.
Still singing.
Still here.
Still me.
That simple truth shouldn't change your opinion of me. Because it doesn't change who I am.
Feb 22, 2020
Feb 22, 2020 at 7:09 AM UTC
You ask
If I'm okay
But not because
You really care
But because you're trying
To convince yourself
That you do
May 13, 2019
May 13, 2019 at 12:47 AM UTC
It's falling to the ground
little
by little.
Giving itself
to us all.
Pink Blossoms
in the
dark night
blowing away to tomorrow.
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 7:02 AM UTC
Don’t think for a second that it didn’t hurt me to leave you,”
she urges.
“Because it was the most painful thing that I’ve ever had to do. It was so, so difficult. It took every bit of strength that I had not to turn around and apologize.”
She takes a deep breath.
“So don’t tell yourself that I wanted to. I didn’t, not at all. But leaving you was the only way I could save myself.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 11:13 AM UTC
See this smile?
Isnt it perfect?
Isnt it beautiful?
I spent so long perfecting this hand crafted mask
and Everyone loves it
I mean it looks nice
It looks so..
Real
I like how it looks too
Though its not how i feel
I still like looking the role im supposed to play
Always happy
Always someones Ray of sunshine
I love it so much that i hate taking it off anymore
I dont want to have people concerned about me
I dont want anyone worrying about me and my insecurities
Its such a waste of valuable life
This mask has saved me and otheres so much
Its only ever failed me twice or so
I just
love it
Its hid the real me from the world
And
I know thats for the best
Of others
The people i love
And
Maybe even me
One day
I might convince myself i am happy
That i am loved
not for this perfect mask
But maybe loved for Who i really Am
If the world could even take that
Oct 8, 2018
Oct 8, 2018 at 8:01 AM UTC
Some people think it's easy.
That if you just tell me to smile I will and that I will genuinely mean it, too.
And I try to mean it- believe me, I try.
I try to find a hint of happiness inside of me and force it out.
I tried.
I tried to do the things that normal and happy people do
Because maybe if I tried I could convince myself that I, too, was a happy and normal person.
So I tried.
I took myself out to dinner.
I tried yoga.
I went to parties, and even though I can't dance, I danced anyways and made a beautiful fool of myself.
I finally bought myself a lava lamp because I've always thought they were cool.
I organized the clothes in my closet by color.
I spent twenty minutes picking out the ripest tomatoes in the grocery store.
I took up crocheting,
I learned a little French,
And I forgot all about this mess of a life I'm in by making a mess in my kitchen.
I sang in the shower so loud and proud that I lost my voice.
I went cheese tasting,
And I drank A LOT of wine.
I made faces at every person I drove by on the highway.
I started going on walks.
I started going on runs.
I ran to the balcony
And stepped on the ledge
And threw my arms out beside me
And screamed YES!
I'm free! And I'm so happy about it!
I'm happy.
I promise you I'm happy.
These tears, they are just because I'm so happy and my sadness is crying because it's gone.
I'm not sad anymore.
I'm normal. I'm happy.
I'm just like everyone else when they go to art galleries.
I'm actually looking at the art really hard and trying to find the meaning behind a red squiggle rather than just really trying to avoid people from seeing the pain.
I'm actually just a normal person that's perfectly content when they go wash their hands instead of a person that dreads walking up to a faucet and catching a glimpse of their reflection.
I'm actually a normal person that stepped onto a ledge to feel nothing but freedom rather than feeling a desire to take another step.
I'm actually ok and I'm so happy.
It's what I whispered to myself at night
Because I thought that maybe if I told myself it enough times I would eventually wake up one morning and find it to be true.
That I'm ok. I'm happy.
That's what I want to convince you because maybe if you're convinced...
I'll be convinced too.
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 10:35 AM UTC
I'm trying to convince myself deep down in dark parts of me
That I do not deserve love for many reasons all of which
Are coming across the same in my head because I have never been
Able to hold on long enough to something that wants to stay
But my body begs for you to lay down with me and tell me
That I am not alone, for once in my life I am not alone
In this race to figure out how to love myself first
So that you can love me after.
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 2:21 PM UTC
Eyes that
convince a
girl to forget;
forget the world
forget her name
forget to breathe.
Such a convincing
smile and hands
that tease
and please.
A man made
for destruction;
destruction of a
girl with
no world
no name
no idea
how to breathe.
-JRM
Apr 23, 2017
Apr 23, 2017 at 4:29 PM UTC
She is trying to make a philanderer out of me
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 1:48 AM UTC