#conflictliminal
I speak to you, Hannah,
not as a rival, not as a warning—
but as a god who miscounted a measure
and is living inside the echo.
My horse stands still at the precipice,
hooves planted in old finales,
mane braided with constellations I retired too soon.
Below us—
a kingdom I ended before it learned how to forgive me.
I thought conclusions were mercy.
I was wrong.
She is down there somewhere,
moving through mortal hours like they are improvisation—
no click track, no rehearsal,
just breath and feeling and the nerve to stay.
Sydney doesn’t walk in time;
she bends it.
That’s what terrifies me.
I tell you this because you are human,
and you love her in a language I cannot counterfeit—
soft hands, shared mornings,
the courage to choose without myth attached.
You love her in major keys,
even when the room is dim.
I love her like a broken downbeat—
always arriving early,
always ruining the silence meant for someone else.
I have written the end of stars
that screamed louder than deathcore choirs,
conducted orchestras of extinction in 13/8,
watched gods beg for relevance in drop-tuned prayer.
None of it prepared me
for the way she says my name
like it isn’t finished yet.
Hannah—
when she tells me to wait,
it sounds like a fermata carved into my ribs.
Not a goodbye.
Not a yes.
Just suspended breath.
And I am very good at suspension.
It is release that undoes me.
She tells me we are the same person.
That we harmonize where others clash.
That loving me feels ancient.
Do you know how dangerous that is to say
to a god who believes endings are law?
You touch her reality.
I haunt her possibility.
When we stand together—
three voices in one room—
she smooths us into friendship,
like equal volumes on a mixing board.
But when we are alone,
she turns toward me,
and suddenly the room is in 6/8,
swaying, intimate,
full of things friends do not risk.
I do not blame you.
I envy your clarity.
If she chose you,
I would step back into the dark
and lock the gate behind me.
You know this.
I have tried.
Every time I do,
she calls me back like a melody
that refuses resolution.
I am not angry.
I am afraid—
because for the first time
the end is not listening to me.
So I wait.
Not because I am wise,
but because she asked me to stay,
and I have never learned
how to refuse her tempo.
If she lets me go,
I will go quietly.
If she chooses me,
the world will survive it.
But until then—
I remain here,
horse steady, kingdom unfinished,
counting time I cannot conduct,
loving someone who rewrites my measure
every time she breathes.
Love, it seems,
is beyond my authority.
Jan 30
Jan 30, 2026 at 3:21 AM UTC